The relationship lull and balance of power

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    Jun 01, 2010 2:48 PM GMT
    Hey guys!

    I'm looking for some advice and feedback about the inevitable relationship lull. That time a few months, or years, into a relationship where everything begins to settle in, routine may take over and you've found yourself in a lull.

    I've only been with my boyfriend 7 months, and have begun feeling it. We have fun but it's usually in either groups, his friends or mine, and when it's just the two of us we end up chilling at home, which is fine, but not all the time. Our sex life has also slowed down more and more, his reason is usually how tired he is at the end of a long day.

    I feel like this lull has created an unbalanced relationship where I'm looking for more validation and attention from him, the sort of thing I've become use to at the beginning when we started dating; where I got the sense that he was always excited to see me and be together. Whereas now I don't feel that same enthusiasm from his end. Sure he says he loves me and we have fun being together, but the fact is that initial spark and shine has worn off, and I find myself trying to get it back and feel like I'm the only one trying to do so. Maybe that's just my perspective, but it's how I'm feeling.

    Any advice on how to bring that excitement back or even how to bring us back to balance?
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    Jun 01, 2010 2:55 PM GMT
    Tell him what you just told us. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 01, 2010 3:01 PM GMT
    Well I did try having this conversation with him, twice, and honestly I'm not sure it worked out as I would have hoped. He basically said he's not the type to need validation, and while he agrees that things have gotten a bit routine he doesn't know how to stop that from happening. I feel like I'm the one who has to make concessions by backing off and giving him space but feel he hasn't stepped up to give me what I need, hence the unbalanced feeling.
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    Jun 01, 2010 4:07 PM GMT
    heheh, you can politely tell him that there is not one human on the planet that doesn't have needs. Part of the joy of being in love is in fact validating each other.

    Here, Joni says it best:





    I'll try to keep myself open up to you
    That's a promise that I made to love
    When it was new
    "Just like Jericho" I said
    "Let these walls come tumbling down"
    I said it like I finally found the way
    To keep the good feelings alive
    I said it like it was something to strive for

    I'll try to keep myself open up to you
    And approve your self expression
    I need that, too
    I need your confidence, baby
    And the gift of your extra time
    In turn I'll give you mine
    Sweet darling, it's a rich exchange
    It seems to me
    It's a warm arrangement!

    Anyone will tell you
    Just how hard it is to make and keep a friend
    Maybe they'll short sell you
    Or maybe it's you
    Judas, in the end
    When you just can no longer pretend
    That you're getting what you need
    Or you're giving out anything for them to grow and feed on

    I'll try to keep myself open up to you
    It gets easier and easier to do
    Just like Jericho
    Let these walls come tumbling down now
    Let them fall right on the ground
    Let all these dogs go running free
    The wild and the gentle dogs
    Kenneled in me