Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) & Juicing.

  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    Jun 02, 2010 5:58 AM GMT
    Wiki BDD if you don't know what it is... though it's pretty self explanatory.

    Ok so when i was a kid i was super skinny, and I carry that image in my head, some days more-so than others; it's so hard to shake...I don't get why, I just feel like the kid i was when i was 17. I've worked hard to get where i am now, and generally i'm happy about where I am, compared to where i used to be. But sometimes, sometimes a lot, I have severe anxiety over the fact that my body isn't what i want it to be.

    I've read that this is a very common issue in the gay community, so what better place to ask, "how do you deal with these feelings?". I try to push the "i'm not fit enough" thoughts out of my head and dismiss them but sometimes I trip out about it. I know I shouldn't and it's unhealthy, but it's something that is always in the back of my head and I would like to get control of it so that i'm happy about what i look like.

    I'm at a point where I feel like juicing is a tangible option, I've been doing some research and talking to friends trying to test the water on whether or not it's going to be well accepted if i do it and that's probably not good...i've been working out on and off since high school; solid on for the last two years and i'm at a point where "cheating" doesn't seem like that bad of an option... it's not like i'm trying to win the Olympics. I want to be a tank.

    In your opinion:
    Am I solo with these feelings?
    How do you deal with yours if you know what i'm talking about?
    Should I be considering "juice" to get what I want?
    When is a disorder like this severe enough that professional help is required?

    Please don't reply with, "you're fine", or any upper comments, this wasn't an intended pity party and i'm not depressed, just obsessed.
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    Jun 02, 2010 11:20 AM GMT
    Most guys over 25 who look good have BDD. Some of us recognise it, others are so far in denial that it´s a surprise that the crocodiles haven´t eaten them.

    What do I do about it? Admit it, laugh at it sometimes. Eat well, train well, keep balance physically so that over time I look more like I want to. Take pictures to show you your progress. Pictures are objective... you can pull your tummy in a bit, but not that much.

    Most important is to train yourself to want a different body. You already look good. Find a realistic goal body.

    Learn to feel ewwwww when you see this sort of unnatural freak body presented as an ideal:

    big-muscles.jpg

    and yummmm when you see this genuinely sexy natural body type:

    side_lean.jpg

    Juice? No. Hell No. Don´t. Really. Don´t. Don´t.

    If it´s making your really unhappy over a long period of time then yes, see a pro. But first try retraining what you aspire to.
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 02, 2010 1:06 PM GMT
    In your opinion:
    Am I solo with these feelings?
    How do you deal with yours if you know what i'm talking about?
    Should I be considering "juice" to get what I want?
    When is a disorder like this severe enough that professional help is required?

    Hi. First of all. I know you don't want me to say it. But you look fine. You want to know how I came to this thread? I saw your profile at the online profiles, clicked on it cause I liked what I saw and then saw the link to this thread.
    You have a really nice body, I wish mine looked more like you.

    Second to the questions.

    You are definitly not alone with these feelings. Everyone in here is unhappy with how he looks every now and then. Some more than others.

    The way I deal with mine seems pretty childish but I saw it on t.v and I think it works. Sometimes I just ignore how I look cause I don't wanna spend time on it. Other times when I'm in front of a mirror I force myself to look for 1 good thing in my appearance or personality. Could be something like. Damn my hair looks really good today, but also something like: Gee I was really funny today!! I crack me up! If you do that everyday I think you will start to feel better sooner or later.

    I don't know what your goal is but if you think you need juice to accomplish what you want to, then I would say go do it. Just be careful with what you are drinking.

    I study psychology, I didn't graduate yet but I know some things about disorders I like to think. I always learned that you should get professional help when the disorder is getting in the way of your normal life. So go seek help if you can't function normally anymore cause you are afraid to go out because you think everyone will look at you or something. Also one talk with a psychologist can help too. He or she can diagnose you and if he or she thinks you need help then you can get help. After all, they studied for it.

    I hope this helps you.
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    Jun 02, 2010 2:22 PM GMT
    previous poster: juice is not appelsap. He means steroids.
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    Jun 02, 2010 2:36 PM GMT
    Lostboy said

    Learn to feel ewwwww when you see this sort of unnatural freak body presented as an ideal:

    big-muscles.jpg



    Oh that's one damn hot (all be it morphed) pic...

    Do what you want and what you feel is right, the fact that you're asking here shows you don't feel confident enough in your own resolve and where your at/going with your body. I would not say making such a decision is the right thing to do if you are anyway unsure. icon_neutral.gif

    Humanity is one great big disorder.... you just have to get used to it
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 02, 2010 3:06 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidprevious poster: juice is not appelsap. He means steroids.


    ow i thought he meant protein shakes and stuff. But if thats the case. Then its a big no!
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    Jun 02, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    Not fit enough.. not fit enough..

    Not fit enough for what? I think that's the question you need to answer.
  • UFJocknerd

    Posts: 392

    Jun 02, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    The clear problem with using AAS to try to resolve a body dysmorphic disorder would be that it won't work. Just like the anorexic girl who weighs 75 lbs but sees a behemoth in the mirror, if you have anxiety about how you look that manifests in BDD, you will *never* be big enough to feel satisfied.

    See a good therapist to deal with the anxiety--that's the issue, not how big you are. I've treated a decent bit of anxiety disorders and BDD and recovery from them is certainly possible.
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    Jun 02, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    When I started last year in September lifting the first time.. Going to the gym, seeing all the bodies that I wanted..

    I started at 135 lbs. Throughout my life I felt like I was pretty invisible. Still, I played soccer yet as a twiggy I never got the looks or even got approached by the guys I've wanted. Last year I'd had enough. Now that I'm at 170, I still see my scrawny 135 lbs self in the mirror. I get told I have an okay body.. But it's not where I want to be. In reality I say I want another 15-25 pounds. In truth I want to be 190-195. Health risks be damned... I want to be the person I see in my mind, not the mirror. I've not done any roids or hgh yet. But it's not like I've not considered it. I've been at the same weight for months and it seems as if my body is saying "this is as far ad I can take you"...

    I want the body type that I see a the gym all the time. So what that I'm 5'5.. Being short only adds to being invisible. Being atleast semi muscular I'll be happy and get noticed icon_smile.gif

    so I understand a little of what the OP is talking about icon_smile.gif. Doesn't really matter if I'm a nice guy, if i don't get noticed, right?
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    Jun 02, 2010 3:27 PM GMT
    Awwww Chuckystud... they dedicated a thread just to you. Ain't that sweet?
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    Jun 02, 2010 3:45 PM GMT
    Samm77 saidWhen I started last year in September lifting the first time.. Going to the gym, seeing all the bodies that I wanted..

    I started at 135 lbs. Throughout my life I felt like I was pretty invisible. Still, I played soccer yet as a twiggy I never got the looks or even got approached by the guys I've wanted. Last year I'd had enough. Now that I'm at 170, I still see my scrawny 135 lbs self in the mirror. I get told I have an okay body.. But it's not where I want to be. In reality I say I want another 15-25 pounds. In truth I want to be 190-195. Health risks be damned... I want to be the person I see in my mind, not the mirror. I've not done any roids or hgh yet. But it's not like I've not considered it. I've been at the same weight for months and it seems as if my body is saying "this is as far ad I can take you"...

    I want the body type that I see a the gym all the time. So what that I'm 5'5.. Being short only adds to being invisible. Being atleast semi muscular I'll be happy and get noticed icon_smile.gif

    so I understand a little of what the OP is talking about icon_smile.gif. Doesn't really matter if I'm a nice guy, if i don't get noticed, right?


    Being noticed, when combined with $3, will get you a Venti Americano at most Starbucks locations.

    What do you REALLY want?
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    Jun 02, 2010 3:57 PM GMT


    Being noticed, when combined with $3, will get you a Venti Americano at most Starbucks locations.

    What do you REALLY want?[/quote]

    I don't think I made it clear, want? To get bigger. What fuels the addiction to get bigger? Somewhat on the same lines of the buzz you get from smoking... Is rather an absurd reason but it's my own.. If I'm with someone ie partnered, I never want then to feel ashamed, grossed out, repulsed by my body since I have complete control over how I can look.

    When I take my shirt off at the beach, I'd never want my partners friends to say "dude tell your man to put his shirt back on" etc..

    Everyone has their own reasons.. That's only one if mine.
    The other I've already stated above. Tired of being scrawny. Again they're my reasons, don't expect you to understand..
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    Jun 02, 2010 5:05 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidNot fit enough.. not fit enough..

    Not fit enough for what? I think that's the question you need to answer.


    Not fit enough to look in the mirror and go, "you did it".
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    Jun 02, 2010 5:18 PM GMT
    UFJocknerd saidThe clear problem with using AAS to try to resolve a body dysmorphic disorder would be that it won't work. Just like the anorexic girl who weighs 75 lbs but sees a behemoth in the mirror, if you have anxiety about how you look that manifests in BDD, you will *never* be big enough to feel satisfied.

    See a good therapist to deal with the anxiety--that's the issue, not how big you are. I've treated a decent bit of anxiety disorders and BDD and recovery from them is certainly possible.


    Bingo. Juicing is not a cure. Juicing is a symptom.

    Juicing is ignoring the real issue, and actually makes it worse. Ask a roided freak if he thinks he's "big enough." Not a single one will. That's the path you'll set yourself on trying to self medicate a disorder that can be treated with talk therapy. It's not going to end pretty, and neither will you. Case in point: one of our most prolific and pathological posters.

    dra082-01.jpg
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    Jun 02, 2010 5:18 PM GMT
    dash3echo said
    badmikeyt saidNot fit enough.. not fit enough..

    Not fit enough for what? I think that's the question you need to answer.


    Not fit enough to look in the mirror and go, "you did it".


    I'm really not trying to be difficult, but did what? And if you DIDN'T do "it" - whatever "it" is - how does that really impact your life?

    Any time you tie your self worth to achieving a goal - whatever the goal is - you sell yourself incredibly short in all of the other areas of life where you HAVE 'done it' but failed to see because you were so fixated on one thing.

    In addressing a Harvard graduating class, JK Rowling joked that their definition of failure probably was in alignment with most 'normal' people's definition of success, as their bars for success were stratospheric. Based on your photos, you have achieved 'it' in ways that many people will not. I'm not saying to embrace mediocrity, just that perhaps your definition of success might have some room for improvement.

    And finally - there are plenty of people in the world who will tell you, for whatever reason, that you're not good enough. Don't be one of them.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jun 02, 2010 5:30 PM GMT
    By your own admission, you are obsessed with getting bigger. Obsession isn't the best motivator. I wouldn't advise an obese person to have lunch at an all-you-can-eat buffet. I wouldn't recommend a gambling addict to take a second mortgage on their home to try winning it big in Vegas. So, I wouldn't support the idea of juicing if someone has BDD. I think you need to try to spend more time trying to understand and combat those destructive thoughts. Do you really think juicing will quench your thirst? Will any size be "enough" for you? I'd say there's a good chance that any results you receive will just encourage you to take more and more.

    Try to find the right therapist to work on these issues. I think, long-term, it's time and energy better spent, and I think you'll feel better about it. If you're addicted to getting bigger, you can do a lot of damage to your health by turning to "juice" as your answer.
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    Jun 02, 2010 6:03 PM GMT
    dash3echo said
    In your opinion:
    Am I solo with these feelings?
    No.

    dash3echo said
    How do you deal with yours if you know what i'm talking about?
    I learned to accept my body as is. Frequenting clothing optional environments helped out a lot with that. Today I just put a couple of my nudes in the public folder for no other reason than to show my comfort level with my own body.

    dash3echo said
    Should I be considering "juice" to get what I want?
    No. You should first accept your body as is, then make educated choices on how you would like it to look.

    dash3echo said
    When is a disorder like this severe enough that professional help is required?
    When your negative self image is strong enough that you feel the need to post a thread for public opinion (not being mean, just honest).

    dash3echo said
    Please don't reply with, "you're fine", or any upper comments, this wasn't an intended pity party and I'm not depressed, just obsessed.
    But what if I really think you're fine? icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 02, 2010 6:14 PM GMT
    viveutvivas saidI have found it helpful in the past going to gay venues (clubs or bars) or vacationing in gay places like Provincetown. The fact that good-looking guys will look at you, and pay attention to you, which will happen in your case, can help in becoming more confident about your own looks.

    This is superficial, I know, but hey, whatever works... icon_wink.gif


    But it doesn't work with people who really DO have BDD. BDD has nothing to do with how others see you, and everything to do with how you see yourself.
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    Jun 02, 2010 6:20 PM GMT
    OP I relate totally. It sounds exactly like me. We're even about the same height etc cept I'm older. I can say this.. when in my 30's I finally cracked the 200 pound mark and got up to around 215 I still couldn't see it regardless of what other people said.
    Only the very odd time I might. Like if I was walking down the street (17th Ave SW in Calgary actually way back when I lived there) and caught a quick glimpse of myself in a store or car window I'd need a double take to realize that it was me and I wasn't skinny at all. Thing is it never lasted and when I purposely look in a mirror even today I can still see myself as very skinny even though logic tells me at 195 and 5'11 I can't possibly be let alone when I was 215 pounds and a lot more muscular than I am right now.

    So I don't think your juicing up is going to help,.. It really is a trick your mind is playing on you. Just keep bulking up naturally. Maybe get a friend to take some pictures of you unannounced and minus your head/face then look at them and see what your first impression is of the body in the picture before your brain has time to analyze it if you know what I mean.
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    Jun 02, 2010 6:27 PM GMT
    Uh... I there's too big. There's a size in my head which is gross. I'm not looking to have muscles that are disgustingly big like the guys on the cover of MUSCLEmag and crap like that.

    I want arms/chest/torso like:
    rufskin.jpg


    or my favourite youtube star:
    Scott-Herman.jpg

    I don't think that size like that will be naturally achievable for my body.
    For example: I bench 90lb dembells, and I squat 275. The guys who are doing that much weight at my gym are stacked. I push hard... but I'm not where i want to be... and two years is a long-ass time.
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    Jun 02, 2010 6:33 PM GMT
    UFJocknerd saidThe clear problem with using AAS to try to resolve a body dysmorphic disorder would be that it won't work. Just like the anorexic girl who weighs 75 lbs but sees a behemoth in the mirror, if you have anxiety about how you look that manifests in BDD, you will *never* be big enough to feel satisfied.

    See a good therapist to deal with the anxiety--that's the issue, not how big you are. I've treated a decent bit of anxiety disorders and BDD and recovery from them is certainly possible.


    In my humble opinion, this is the best advice here....

    You will never be big enough or strong enough in your own head. I am a part of the camp that says "to each his own" when it comes to someone wanting to juice because it is their personal opinion. However, if you truly have BDD, then you will never be fully happy with your results - no matter how great they are and no matter how much juice you take.

    Start internally first and truly figure out who you are. Then set a goal and eat a ton and lift heavy weights. You'll get there. To modify a line from Ice Cube - Bodybuilding is not a sprint, it's a marathon. You do it right, and youll have long lasting gains and a true sense of accomplishment. You do it wrong and youll look like Hulk Hogan circa 2010. Not. Cute.
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    Jun 02, 2010 6:36 PM GMT
    It's all in your head, not in a needle.

    Google Natural Fitness Competition or Natural Body Builder to see what healthy muscle looks like.
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    Jun 02, 2010 6:39 PM GMT
    viveutvivas saidI have found it helpful in the past going to gay venues (clubs or bars) or vacationing in gay places like Provincetown. The fact that good-looking guys will look at you, and pay attention to you, which will happen in your case, can help in becoming more confident about your own looks.

    This is superficial, I know, but hey, whatever works... icon_wink.gif


    I was at the Palm Springs white party, it was my first... circuit party or whatever they're called. It was really cool, and I for sure got hit on... but when all was said and done, i think it fed the monster because there was the upper echelon that I don't look like, but want to.

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    Jun 02, 2010 6:43 PM GMT
    Forgot to say: if you were skinny when young your metabolism may not calm down enough until you are bout 30 for you to get bigger. Lots of us found this.


    Also two years is really NOT that long. I know it´s hundreds of days of discipline, but in terms of body shaping it´s not going to get you where you are going.

    Maybe I will be where I want in another 3 ... but I have fairly realistic goals.
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    Jun 02, 2010 7:01 PM GMT
    MsclDrew saidOh that's one damn hot (all be it morphed) pic...


    Hi, my name is Drew and I have body dysmorphia.

    logo.gif