If you are Positive, would you date an HIV Negative guy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2008 12:03 AM GMT
    Even knowing we CAN keep it safe, sometime I'd perfer not to put the other man at risk.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Feb 02, 2008 3:01 AM GMT
    short answer is YES. Please see my elongated response in the forum "Could you date a HIV positive guy"...

    - David
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    Feb 02, 2008 3:55 AM GMT
    As I stated in the other thread, I prefer not to. I've had a lot of negative experiences, pun intended, with neg men the last few years that were directly related to their discomfort with my status. That being said, if I fell head over heels for the right guy I would probably reconsider. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 02, 2008 4:09 AM GMT
    RBY71 saidif I fell head over heels for the right guy I would probably reconsider. icon_rolleyes.gif
    Did you mean heels overhead?icon_twisted.gif
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    Feb 02, 2008 4:33 AM GMT
    icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2008 7:58 AM GMT
    high heels? icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2008 8:01 AM GMT
    Probably not but i'm not pos so i really wouldn't know the answer unless i were.icon_neutral.gif
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    Feb 02, 2008 1:53 PM GMT
    Alexander89 hope you never have to answer this question!

    If I was single I would not limit myself to the person's status. If the person was negative I would be very upfront with my status, no use in wasting time if it is an issue with them. I would know whether they were positive because I would likely have met them at a social group for poz men.

    What I would be looking for in a guy would be the same regardless of status. A generous heart and a kind face. I would also try and get a read on how self-centred or selfish he was. If he was very selfish that could be a warning sign he would cut and run if I got sick. Somebody that believes in volunteering and participating in the community is a good attribute to me since it indicates he thinks about others besides himself.
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    Feb 02, 2008 2:44 PM GMT
    What is the treatment for HIV+ now? ...a whole lotta pills?
  • bradsmith

    Posts: 175

    Feb 02, 2008 3:45 PM GMT
    Interesting topic...like the mirror approach to the other thread!

    I don't think I'd limit myself to any particular status...but I would be upfront with it because I'd just as soon let the other guy deal with their baggage immediately rather than have it blow things up later.

    Its tough...would you date someone who has cancer but its in remission? Strikes me that we limit ourselves so much in life...and miss out on many things because of that.

    It's the unfortunate reality that we're all dying...some of us just faster than others...
  • bradsmith

    Posts: 175

    Feb 02, 2008 3:46 PM GMT
    Caslon saidWhat is the treatment for HIV+ now? ...a whole lotta pills?


    The mainstream treatment is 365 pills a year...
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    Feb 02, 2008 3:47 PM GMT
    Caslon saidWhat is the treatment for HIV+ now? ...a whole lotta pills?


    Treatment varies from person to person depending upon the individuals treatment history and responsiveness to the various drugs. In many cases, therapy has been consolidated to one pill one time daily. However, there are still many guys out there that have to take one or two pills up to three times a day. I've never been on meds myself (9 years knock on wood), but most of my friends find them pretty tolerable and very effective.
    There are cases where conventional treatment is ineffective, but that usually has to do other factors in a persons health history, virus genotype or lifestyle.
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    Feb 02, 2008 4:23 PM GMT
    Thanks for the update on treatment.
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    Feb 02, 2008 5:45 PM GMT
    I'm not positive, I'm not even certain.
  • liftordie

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    Feb 02, 2008 6:36 PM GMT
    oye mcgay !!
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Feb 02, 2008 7:12 PM GMT
    I am poz and my husband is neg. I don't talk to him about this anymore because we had a big wicked Come To Jesus about this around three months after we started dating, and he told me then that he didn't care, he wasn't worried, and I really should stop stressing about it. The fact is, I do think about it sometimes. We are very careful (in that hot sexy way) so I know I'm being irrational, but if anything happened to him I don't know what I would do.
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    Feb 02, 2008 8:05 PM GMT
    McGay saidI'm not positive, I'm not even certain.


    I'm positively certain that I'm certainly positive.icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 02, 2008 8:24 PM GMT
    jarhead5536 saidI am poz and my husband is neg. I don't talk to him about this anymore because we had a big wicked Come To Jesus about this around three months after we started dating, and he told me then that he didn't care, he wasn't worried, and I really should stop stressing about it. The fact is, I do think about it sometimes. We are very careful (in that hot sexy way) so I know I'm being irrational, but if anything happened to him I don't know what I would do.


    But isnt being positive today not as bad as it used to be? Can that pill control it well enough? Or it is still a possibility that the virus can rip thru a person's immune system and the pill isnt any help, and you just have to be lucky with your immune system and the variety of HIV you got?
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Feb 02, 2008 8:40 PM GMT
    lol at RBY and a big man kiss to go along with it!!!
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    Feb 03, 2008 3:59 AM GMT
    Affirmative, I'm positive.

    HIV today is catagorized as a managable illness. It can affect your body and immune system without seriously threatning your health.

    I've never liked condoms and I wish that me and my husband could be together the way we both want to. My main issue in out relationship is keeping him safe and protecting him.
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    Feb 03, 2008 4:42 AM GMT
    But isnt being positive today not as bad as it used to be? Can that pill control it well enough? Or it is still a possibility that the virus can rip thru a person's immune system and the pill isnt any help, and you just have to be lucky with your immune system and the variety of HIV you got?[/quote]

    The meds help a LOT and may be able to prolong one's life to 'normal' lifespan for some people, but it's still not fun... they can have serious side effects, they are hellishly expensive (easily over US $1,000 per month) which ties you to your job for insurance or forces you into income restrictures for state assistance. also, meds are readily available largely in a few countries of the first world. hiv/aids has absolutely devastated many parts of africa where people cannot afford the exorbitant cost of the med(s). china is likely to already be at pandemic levels but the statistics is hushed by the gov't.

    'stacking' (more than one at a time) recreational drug use among gay men and crystal meth in particular along with new strains of the virus ariving from africa may be mutating the virus into more destructive and medication resistant forms.

    I really don't mean to sound negative or defeatist, i'm not, the meds are a miracle for most. Brazil has defied international patent laws (WOOHOO!!) to produce generic meds at cost - something like US $400 per year. this is still out of reach for many people, we have to remember that half the world's population live on US $2 or less a day icon_eek.gif, but it is a fantastic step forward.

    sometimes i just wish more people realized that hiv is a lot more than a gay man's disease - it is an equal opportunity disease infecting primarly 'straight' people who due to malnutrition and other factors are easily susceptible to infection. it is an interwoven global problem - the leading cause of death in several countries, and we have a long way to go to defeat it.
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    Feb 03, 2008 4:48 AM GMT
    is hushed... are hushed... yud nevr guss i wuz a enlgush majur. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 03, 2008 5:19 AM GMT
    If I was HIV Positive I'd make efforts to keep from dating or sleeping with anyone who wasn't infected already. I wouldn't want to risk giving someone else the disease, no matter how much they loved me... and vice versa. If I truly loved them I wouldn't put them in position where they had to chose heartbreak or an uncurable disease. They should be healthy and understand why. If that meant me being miserable for the rest of my 'natural' life, than so be it... to infect someone would be like murdering them, and I cannot do that to someone.

    Love is something you live with, not die from.
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    Feb 03, 2008 12:00 PM GMT
    Jarhead your feelings are exactly like mine. I have been with my partner for 10 years. HIV is unique in that it is the only disease I know of that you can infect someone through an act of love. In that way it is very different then cancer or diabetes or any other disease I know of.

    Right now I take 2 pills for HIV that consist of 3 meds.. But HIV has side effects which means I take pills for acid reflux, cholesterol (also genetic), triglycerides, herpes, high blood pressure (genetic history as well). One of the HIV drugs (Sustiva) causes insomnia and mild depression so I am on a mild anti-depressant as well.

    Overall I take 11 pills a day at around 10 PM. I am lucky that my partner and I both have drug plans that cover my medications 100%. They would cost $20,000 a year otherwise.

    I think one of the difficulties about being HIV+ is that people make moral judgements about you, even in the gay community. I was always careful about what I did with another guy sexually but still got infected. The way I look at it, you can be the best driver in the world but there is no guarantee you are going to come safely the next time you get behind the wheel. Sometimes shit happens.
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    Feb 03, 2008 1:37 PM GMT
    bradsmithStrikes me that we limit ourselves so much in life...and miss out on many things because of that.


    I have to agree with bradsmith. As a poz guy I allowed myself to feel very limited when I was first diagnosed back in '89. Still feel limited by the lack of universal healthcare in this country (another topic) - but try and live my life to the maximum.

    Have been in relationships w/both poz & neg guys. It's all about communication -- no matter what the issue facing you.