Is Kissing the New Handshake?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2010 9:20 AM GMT
    I've gotten to the point where I don't know how to greet (or say goodbye to) a gay guy. Are gays kissing now? Is that in?

    Scenario: I've been singing karaoke all night with this group of guys. I'm not sexually attracted to either of them, so it's not like I just want to kiss them goodnight. So I hug the first guy, and I think we both have the same thing on our minds. Are we supposed to kiss? On the cheek? Niether of us knows, so there is just an awkward pause where we both turn our cheeks and almost lean in, but then pull away and pretend we didn't. WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!

    I mean, I suppose that's the thing to do in Europe, and if these guys were European I would have readily expected a kiss. But is that what gays are doing everywhere??

    HELP ME!
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    Jun 03, 2010 9:42 AM GMT
    I always kiss my European friends, straight or gay. It's just part of the culture.
    But the gay handshake is a friendly little crotch grab. icon_wink.gif
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jun 03, 2010 12:43 PM GMT
    hmm I'd say I'm pretty european. icon_razz.gif but I never kiss men as a greet. Nor do I know anyone who does. But if I would move to The USA and all hot guys there expect me to kiss 'em. Who am I to disappoint them, right? icon_lol.gif

    edit: I think its pretty common in France for instance. But the northern countries in Europe don't do it that often.
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    Jun 03, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    To me, you have to gauge which people you do it to so for instance, I know that I'm introduced to a female friends' friend, then I would cheek kiss because that's the norm for them and it wouldn't be awkward whereas with all my male friends they wouldn't expect that. Some people I kiss on the lips. But I'd just shake hands with my Japanese friends.
    It's not a male / female thing either, I'd do it to anyone, it's more so an acknowledgment of where we both stand with each other and each others' personal space. If you're caught halfway, it's always good to make a joke of it to break the awkwardness.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 03, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    i always kiss my gay friends and would probably kiss my straight friends if they wouldn't get so hung up about it
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    Jun 03, 2010 3:27 PM GMT
    I've gotten used to kissing. The handshake is largely not done around here unless it is the first time you meet someone. Even then the rule is more no contact than hand shake. Things generally go from vous to tu. Whenever the tu form is used there is social kissing involved.

    Another odd bit is that between men the norm is to kiss twice (or three times depending on where you are) while holding the other person's hand as if you were ready to shake it. So it is one hand held, the other over the shoulder, and two or three kisses.
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    Jun 03, 2010 3:30 PM GMT
    I would like to add, this does not happen in the UK, All other european countries might do it.

    In england, well were more reserved and will say Bye and walk of, or shake hands at the extreme.

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    Jun 03, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    Well, that is not strictly true. In the UK it isn't the norm but there is a whole class component to continental manners in the UK as well. In my experience of SW1, W1, SW3, and SW7 continental manners are more common than not.

    lswh saidI would like to add, this does not happen in the UK, All other european countries might do it.

    In england, well were more reserved and will say Bye and walk of, or shake hands at the extreme.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 03, 2010 3:44 PM GMT
    Only South and East Europeans kiss... 1 kiss on the cheek combined with a handshake.

    Try to kiss somebody in the UK or Norway or Germany - won't go down well.
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    Jun 03, 2010 3:53 PM GMT
    It wont go down well in most of the UK.

    Bar those sections - usually of london that are "more diverse".
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    Jun 03, 2010 3:53 PM GMT
    Don´t kiss men unless they are more than just friends.
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    Jun 03, 2010 4:09 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidDon´t kiss men unless they are more than just friends.


    lol
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    Jun 03, 2010 4:33 PM GMT
    ewe_nik saidI've gotten to the point where I don't know how to greet (or say goodbye to) a gay guy. Are gays kissing now? Is that in?

    I have the same problem. An increasing number of gay men in south Florida will greet and say good-bye with a hug and sometimes a kiss. I'm a handshake guy with strangers and slight acquaintances, saving the hug & kiss for my gay friends whom I know are comfortable with it.

    But lately I'm being forced into doing the awkward "hug or handshake" tango with guys, sorta like trying to decide who's gonna lead while dancing. I always extend my right hand, but if if see his head cock to one side, and both arms go up, I move in for the hug, and maybe a kiss, at least a nuzzle. It's just that I never know what's gonna happen, which puts me uncharacteristically off balance.

    I'm reminded of a line from The Birdcage, where Robin Williams is tutoring Nathan Lane how to shake hands like a butch man:

    "Stick your hand out sideways, not palm down. I'm gonna shake it, not kiss it."

    Nowadays it seems even kissing Nathan Lane's hand isn't enough. Not that I can't and don't hug & kiss, it's just the not knowing with confidence what to do that throws me off. Because some guys DON'T like that drill, and do prefer a classic handshake.
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    Jun 03, 2010 8:20 PM GMT
    knightrider2009 saidI don't find this as a question of sexuality but a question of closeness.


    Same with me though I don't think I've greeted anyone with kiss. Usually you can tell what the other person prefers just by reading body cues and following their lead. If all else fails, I like to just drop a smoke bomb and run for it.