Is it ok to own a Canadian?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 5:06 AM GMT
    In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
    Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus
    18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following
    response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a US resident, and
    posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
    have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
    knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
    the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
    Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of
    debate.

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements
    of God's Laws and how to follow them.
    1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
    female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
    of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can
    you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
    Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
    price for her?

    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
    her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is
    how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
    pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
    They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
    35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
    to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
    abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
    homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
    'degrees' of abomination?

    7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
    have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
    glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
    wiggle-room here?

    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
    around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
    19:27. How should they die?

    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
    me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
    different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
    garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester
    blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
    necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
    together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to
    death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep
    with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
    considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

    Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
    unchanging. Your adoring fan. James M. Kauffman,Ed.D. Professor
    Emeritus,Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special
    EducationUniversity of Virginia PS (It would be a damn shame if we
    couldn't own a Canadian)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 2:28 PM GMT
    I'm shopping for a Canadian on Realjock right now!

    Thanks for the post
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 2:45 PM GMT
    Well just remember, our dollar is almost at par with the U.S. dollar, so we're not a cheap as we used to be.icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 2:48 PM GMT
    I'm taking meoh and Sean!!!!

    I have claimed them, they are mine!
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jun 04, 2010 2:53 PM GMT
    I havent laughed so hard in a while!! brilliant!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 2:56 PM GMT
    Well i want an Aussie! Maybe it doesn't have to be a neighboring country...?
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Jun 04, 2010 3:02 PM GMT
    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, 'are there degrees of abomination?'

    classic
  • aznmtl

    Posts: 137

    Jun 04, 2010 3:07 PM GMT
    LOL! SO FUNNY!!! thanks ;)
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Jun 04, 2010 3:11 PM GMT
    I want a German and an Argentinian please!
  • Fritter

    Posts: 1696

    Jun 04, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    Do I want to be a slave? Mmmmm.......... I'll have to get back to you on that. icon_biggrin.gif
  • DuggerPDX

    Posts: 386

    Jun 04, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    Priceless!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 4:29 PM GMT
    Im 50% off icon_razz.gif, promotion ends this saturday
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 4:34 PM GMT
    This one is quite old now, but never fails to make me smile!

  • Jun 04, 2010 4:35 PM GMT
    In that case I'll take 2 please.
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    Jun 04, 2010 4:36 PM GMT
    Awesome.. this is the kinda thing we need to be doing more of. As a guy that grew up in the church, we have to hold these people to their own word.

    The old testament was written by the Jewish nation, for the Jewish nation, many thousands of years ago.

    "Christians" are supposed to believe that it is the "old covenant" which is why they don't hold themselves to following it... so its complete BS to use any verse from those books directly on modern living. Case closed.
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    Jun 04, 2010 4:48 PM GMT
    srqhottie saidThis one is quite old now, but never fails to make me smile!

    Yeah, seen this before, too. But a good reminder of how people who quote the Bible as a source for their views invariably have to cherry-pick from it. If you believe one part of it verbatim, then how do you avoid having to follow the rest of it verbatim? Is there an annotated version that says what parts God allows us to skip these days, and what parts are the ones we must follow under pain of Hell?
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    Jun 04, 2010 4:49 PM GMT
    'f course it's ok to own a silly canadian......canadians get owned all the time.....so its completely socially acceptable to own one...or 2...or 3....lolz
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    Jun 04, 2010 4:53 PM GMT
    Matty_WIP saidAwesome.. this is the kinda thing we need to be doing more of. As a guy that grew up in the church, we have to hold these people to their own word.

    The old testament was written by the Jewish nation, for the Jewish nation, many thousands of years ago.

    "Christians" are supposed to believe that it is the "old covenant" which is why they don't hold themselves to following it... so its complete BS to use any verse from those books directly on modern living. Case closed.


    It's complete BS to use ANY book directly on modern living. Unless it's the manual of your new chainsaw, then I'd take it literally.
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    Jun 04, 2010 5:01 PM GMT
    srqhottie saidThis one is quite old now, but never fails to make me smile!


    I'll echo that remark
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    Jun 04, 2010 5:02 PM GMT
    Tazo995 said
    Matty_WIP saidAwesome.. this is the kinda thing we need to be doing more of. As a guy that grew up in the church, we have to hold these people to their own word.

    The old testament was written by the Jewish nation, for the Jewish nation, many thousands of years ago.

    "Christians" are supposed to believe that it is the "old covenant" which is why they don't hold themselves to following it... so its complete BS to use any verse from those books directly on modern living. Case closed.


    It's complete BS to use ANY book directly on modern living. Unless it's the manual of your new chainsaw, then I'd take it literally.


    keep fingers away from moving chain
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    Jun 04, 2010 5:10 PM GMT
    you all are evil! i'll stick to my mexicans like a good christian.
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    Jun 04, 2010 5:13 PM GMT
    I can think of a number of canadians I´d LOVE to own icon_wink.gif

    Hi Charlitos hi Vigour icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 04, 2010 6:14 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]"Christians" are supposed to believe that it is the "old covenant" which is why they don't hold themselves to following it... so its complete BS to use any verse from those books directly on modern living. Case closed. [/quote]

    That's got to be a bit of a simplification. Christians accept large swaths of the old testament as moral law-- for example the Ten(ish) Commandments. And they believe the Old Testament is a testament. I don't know exactly how it is viewed in the various denominations, but it is hardly rejected in its entirety by Christians I know.
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    Jun 04, 2010 6:23 PM GMT
    mtneerman saidyou all are evil! i'll stick to my mexicans like a good christian.



    lolz....u wicked wicked bitch...icon_cool.gif
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    Jun 04, 2010 6:23 PM GMT
    ewe_nik saidWell i want an Aussie! Maybe it doesn't have to be a neighboring country...?

    Reminds me of a limerick I posted herre over a year ago, when we were writing them about each other:

    In Sydney Australia, we hear,
    They grow 'em to be, cute and queer.
    If Tank's like their men,
    I'll take nine or ten,
    Of Aussies 'n inches, right here.