Trust. Where It Stands And Falls.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 8:13 AM GMT
    Quite most recently, I had a bad experience of dating where the person didn't trust me. Saying that I had only wanted sex and revealing most intimate secrets about their life to other people. And you know why they think this? Because somebody else told them I said it.

    Now I didn't. And that is the full blown truth. I liked this person very much and would not have done ANYTHING to hurt him. In fact, I often protected him where others thought he was faulted and inable.

    It just seems to me that it is a little sad that people can't trust others. How they would more easily believe a total stranger whom they have no connection to than someone they are with.

    It would seem that the quote is true, "It takes years to build a foundation of trust, and yet only a moment of suspicion to destroy it."

    Don't you agree?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 8:29 AM GMT
    When you lack trust and strength in your self why would you ever believe that others can be trusted? It's a sad worked but many people are not very healthy inside
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    Jun 04, 2010 12:29 PM GMT
    Is it really a trust issue, or just a personal issue he has? Realistically, he can only say that about you if someone else you know told him something he only shared with you.

    If he can't provide you with what that is....


    -Doug
  • Hokenshi

    Posts: 387

    Jun 04, 2010 12:38 PM GMT
    It says volumes about him and his issues he's developed for whatever reason.
    I give people the benefit of the doubt and my trust, sometimes I do it too fast, until they give me reason not to trust them anymore...then it's pretty much over.

    Loyalty is extremely important to me but the only person who can ruin the trust I have in them is that person themselves.

    It's a shame, but it sounds like this guy has issues that you can't do anything about. Better to move on and find someone who is a little less damaged.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Jun 04, 2010 1:27 PM GMT
    Trust is the unshakable foundation for keeping love alive, and making it more powerful. It enhances everything from a touch to a whisper and a glance. It anchors passion - both animal passion and tender intimacy - and it is practically palpable in the breath you share with the man to whom you give it, even deepening the color of his iris, adding a confidence that can be felt in the very weight of his step. In a mortal world, it is the thing that lives in the gap between God and Adam's reaching fingers.

    You must be confident - on some level - and have a strong sense of yourself in order to truly trust someone. Your guy sounds as if he lacks confidence and self-worth - the poisoned ground on which all liars plant their crop. Mind you, not all self-actualized people are gregarious or obviously and outwardly confident, some are shy and quiet, some reserved. We all have doubts and fears. But when push comes to shove - the confident survive and those riddled with doubt succumb to the manipulation of others, or to the harsh realities of day to day life. (I find most gay men to be extremely confident people, and thus true survivors). Take note...the arrogant are seldom if ever truly confident, and never ever self-actualized, forever just "boys" behaving like stuck-up bullies, braggarts and assholes.

    The tool who spread the lies is undoubtedly one of the latter pack, and pathetic, and will surely never be a man, but their seed could not have taken hold so quickly if the ground wasn't willing to receive them. You might be able to hep your guy find trust again if he's truly confident in his own worth as a man, but you sure as hell can't rescue him. He either needs to go grow up and find his own dignity, or he'll never trust anything but lies and ideas that further cement his sense of worthlessness. That's a disease I do not recommend spending your life attempting to cure.
  • Hokenshi

    Posts: 387

    Jun 04, 2010 1:32 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack saidbut you sure as hell can't rescue him. He either needs to go grow up and find his own dignity, or he'll never trust anything but lies and ideas that further cement his sense of worthlessness. That's a disease I do not recommend spending your life attempting to cure.


    Amen brother.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:48 PM GMT
    Thanks for the responses guys.

    I definitely sensed his inability to trust from the start. I am one of those people who trust people fully until they give me a reason not to trust them. And once that trust from ME is lost, you don't get it back very easily.

    He had been hurt throughout his life, and made it a point to let people know that. And by posting this information about himself on RJ, obviously I'm not going to be the only one who sees it and who knows about him.

    I won't be wasting my time trying to get him to trust me again. I won't beg for him to talk to me again. Though I wouldn't have a problem being his friend, because right now it seems that's all he is capable of keeping, and is truly what he needs. Perhaps they can help him to understand that some people truly are pure and have good hearts and that we arent all heartless creatures.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
    I find it quite upsetting that he has moved on already, though. Telling people he has a date tonight and whatnot. Not that I haven't moved on too. Haha. trust me, I have.

    But doesn't it just prove that everything that he said was fake and I was played?

    Sucks to think about.
  • joncfernan

    Posts: 216

    Jun 05, 2010 1:07 AM GMT
    It really depends on what you mean by "moved on". Is he seeing other guys? yeah. Might this self conflict of his affect his next relationship? Definitely. Find peace in knowing you came out with knowledgeable experience while he didn't. A guy with this conflict is not someone you should probably consider befriending afterwards anyways. You'll find someone great out there who really will be willing to "work to make it work" with you. You've got alot ahead of you.