My body doesn't respond to diet and exercise. I want to cry.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 9:27 AM GMT
    I was at the gym earlier today and I had a revelation. In the middle of my chest workout, I realized that I was simply wasting my time. The whole charade of me lifting weights suddenly seemed so ridiculous. All around me were lean, fit, muscle-bound college men... and then there was me: the meek, scrawny, boy-man. The contrast between us was so flagrant that I was soon overwhelmed with dejection and gloom. I have never felt like such a failure. I almost burst into tears right then and there, like a little bitch, but managed to hold off until I got to my car.

    I am at my wits end. I have never wanted anything more than to have an attractive, fit body. Being lean and muscular has been my sole aim in life for the past couple years. I lift 3-4 times a week for 90 minutes a session, I lift hard and vary my workout, I eat my protein... You would think that after all this time, I would have something to show for my effort, yet somehow I look virtually the same as I did before ever stepping foot in a weight room. Countless hours spent lifting and untold sums wasted on food and supplements, and I have the same vile body I had in 2008. It doesn't fucking make sense. No matter what I do, my disgusting body doesn't change. How can this be?

    WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

    I cannot comprehend it. Am I simply defective/inferior at a genetic level? Is it biologically impossible for some people to put on muscle like normal men? Should I be studied in a laboratory?

    I thought that perhaps I wasn't eating enough. People told me I was a hard gainer and needed to stuff my face in addition to lifting hard... I thought surely this was the reason for my lack of musculature. So I incorporated more protein and calories into my diet. ALL I GOT WAS FAT. Now, in addition to being weak and small, I have a nice round paunch and a bitch ass to make me even more ugly.

    I've decided to starve myself on 500 calories a day until I shed the bitch fat I built up on my "hard gainer" diet. But past that I am at a loss. I want muscles. I want to look like a man. I want to have an attractive body. If I cannot have the satisfaction of these things, then I see no reason to continue living as my miserable, revolting self.

    PLEASE HELP ME. icon_cry.gif



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    Jun 04, 2010 10:37 AM GMT
    I recommend you checking out the bodybuilding site/forum that I am currently on. Just google MuscleHack, incredibly useful information and you can download an ebook that basically tell you what you need to do to gain muscle SCIENTIFICALLY. I started using Mark (owner of the site)'s program about 1.5 years ago and I have made some pretty damn good progress:

    Before
    178lb, 19% body fat

    Now
    192lb 10% body fat(or less)

    Basically I look like a different person than I was before @@. Not trying to advertise anything here, but it has worked really well for me and many others, and most likely will work for you too.

    *Just my opinion: You were probably stuffing carb meal to gain muscle, but I find high carb diet stimulate fat growth much more than muscle growth due to the high insulin level carb induces. The key is to eat enough GOOD calorie without pushing your insulin level through the roof.

    Another question is are you lifting correctly? Taking note on the weight you lift and increase the maximum rep the next time you train the same body part? Muscle will grow only if you continuously challenging it, which means if you can do 10 rep of 40lb biceps curl you should be able to do 11 rep next time. Are you using the right forms when you lift? Form and timing is important for muscle building because depends on how fast/how slow you lift, you might not be getting the most out of your workout. The key is to completely exhaust your muscle, lifting light weight for over 20 reps aren't going to do you any good.

    Finally, are you taking supplements? It's been proven that taking 5g of creatine monohydrate with your shake everyday will help building/preserving your muscle, and the price are very reasonable. Also your body need nutrient to grow, so taking vitamins will DEFINITELY speed up your muscle recovery/growth. *

    Most importantly, be patient and take photo of yourself weekly. When you see yourself everyday you simply can't recognize the progress. It's also good to know that without steroid, the most muscle you can build per month is around 4-5lb (or less depends on person). Miracle doesn't happen overnight. If you push yourself hard during workout, eat correctly, and take some supplement, you will see result. If that still doesn't work, you should probably go see a physician because your hormone could be unbalanced.
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    Jun 04, 2010 10:58 AM GMT
    Check out the following article about why a very small percent of individuals have difficulty gaining muscle. If you are a slow twitch predominate individual, gaining muscle is very difficult. Slow twitch predominate individuals are better endurance athletes. Fast twitch predominate individuals are much better at building muscle and strength.

    Genetics: Limitation or Copout?

    image004.jpg

    Medical problems causing the inability to gain muscle are rare, but you might want to check with a physician to make certain. Testosterone is necessary for muscle growth. Although uncommon at your age, testosterone deficiency could still be a problem. An over active thyroid (hyperthyroidism) can result in muscle loss (thyroid myopathy). Hypercortisolism also impairs muscle development. There other medical conditions that can impair muscle growth.

    Excess alcohol intake is detrimental to muscle growth.

    The article I mentioned has a few recommendations for hard gainers. To gain muscle it is better to lift heavy (but safely), and do compound exercises like squats, dead lifts, bench press etc rather than isolation exercises like dumbbell curls. If you have not checked with a trainer, it may be helpful to do so.

    The five hundred calorie diet to lose weight is the current weight loss fad.
    In a Penn State study, it was found that approximately 20% of weight loss that occurred with dieting was due to muscle loss and not fat loss. You will just lose your hard gained muscle on this diet. You need an adequate amount of protein to gain muscle mass. Once you exceed the amount of protein needed for muscle growth, the excess protein will be converted to fat. Protein can be anabolic up to a point, but unlike an anabolic steroid larger amounts do not promote any additional muscle gain. Excess carbs would also be converted to fat. Don't drastically cut back on your calories at this time. Just cut back somewhat until you lose the fat.
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    Jun 04, 2010 1:22 PM GMT
    Pick up the book "Scrawny to Brawny" By Michael Mejia, John Berardi


    It helped me go from this:
    30691_1377147303361_1072200004_30965298_

    To me now:
    28805_122449261128716_100000909276768_12

  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Jun 04, 2010 1:54 PM GMT
    Hehehe icon_lol.gif
    I'm not being callous, I just sort of know how you feel.
    I tried multiple times in my life to build muscle to no avail. A lot of it is finding the right regime. For me it was a combination of things (nutrition was the worst though - as was finding the right groove). I feel confident in saying you're not immune to exercise. BUT, exercising and eating right really can be a lot more subtle than most people appreciate.

    If I may: try the following.
    Take a week off. Just don't do anything, then start a new program.
    Below is what basically finally got everything to click for me.
    3 things about it

    (1) It's short (but high intensity). This is part of why I love it, I'm in and out in 45 minutes. 4.667/week
    (2) Nutrition is HUGE. I used to make fun of an ex-girlfriend for counting calories. It's hard to emphasize enough that you really do need to. Eventually you can probably stop, once you've got a better sense of what's what, but I always thought I was a healthy eater. The problem is, much like the genesis of financial debt for many, you can be nickled and dimed out of good health.
    So stop. Count calories. Count % carbs, protein, fat. Take into account slow versus fast burning foods, etc.
    This is the hardest part. (You'll spend a lot of time estimating food's make up with the web because no one else will tell you.) But don't cheat. You can't skip this part. [Note: I'm not saying you have to make all of your food fresh, etc. Lean pockets and other microwaveables that were on sale were a large part of my diet. But I chose them carefully and it made counting easier in the beggining. (Later I mostly phased them out.)]
    (3) Leave your ego at the door. This may not apply to you. But I see guys who are tiny come in and use the same weights or higher than I'm using. And they struggle and ask for spotters and swing and rarely make much progress. Personally, I think some concepts regarding "perfect form" extolled by many trainers are off-base; so long as you're safe and recruiting the muscle you're good. BUT, you need to increase weight in a controlled, calculated manner as you gain. If you're form is off, it will tend to be variable. You'll also be relying on muscle groups you didn't aim to target (which throws off the whole workout schedule and periodization). So, use little teeny weights with really good form, the little teeniest weights that make it so (in this case) you can't do 2 sets of 12. If you can, add a little teeny more weight.
    Seriously, I'm not razzing on you, but everyone get's self-concious about this and it's not helpful.

    That said, (well, I gotta run) so, there's some redundancy here, but I'm goig to copy and paste an email I sent to someone else. Good luck. Don't despair. Weightlifting is like math or programming. If something isn't working all that it means is that you are making a mistake. Don't fret, just systematically play with your training/lifestyle until you get it right. (Oh, and don't fall for a lot of the ridiculous super-high hours workouts used by 'roiders -- those won't work, you can't recover fast enough -- I made that mistake previously):

    Neosyllogy (in email)"The program I used then was basically a minor modification of the first one listed here (posted by bitterplacebo):
    http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/wotw31.htm

    4/6 days (2on, 1off), workouts ~45 minutes. The use of x-reps were indicated helped a lot (basically, when you can't lift the weight anymore you lift it as far as you can, it can be really intense).

    I made a few modifications per my tastes (e.g. no smith machine exercises, added an ab exercise with ropes, deadlifts, rear delts, etc.), but the same general program was the same. I also really liked keeping my workouts in the 45min regime (occasionally a littler longer) and the high intensity (small wait period between sets 60-90seconds).

    Anyway, I added at least 20lbs lean mass in a few months. I made dramatic (for me) change in just the first 4 weeks. However, it did hurt like the dickens at first, and can be hard to balance with other sports (unless you're familiar enough with your own body to tailor it --- I later added BJJ while doing it and ended up tearing my intercostals -- whoops! =).

    Sleep and proper nutrition also key of course. I always used to make fun of an ex-gf of mine for counting calories, but it was really invaluable to me. It's so easy to get nickeled and dimed out of good nutrition as it were. (personally shoot for 25%-33% caloreis from fat and ! the rest equally protein -- sticking with complex carbs and frequent meals)."
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Jun 04, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    One more thing:
    This is more just my opinion/suspicion, but mindset is probably a big factor. And by that I'm most specifically referring to testosterone levels. Testosterone is well known to positively correlate with... let's call it a 'dominant' or 'winning' mindset. Staying positive and pumped will actually probably help you get pumped.
    By contrast, stress wreaks havoc on many system and tends to put your body in an extended figh/flight state not designed for long term maintenance.

    So stay rationally positive (and get sleep ;).
    [Note: using a screenname that refers to yourself as "fugly" is not consistent with this. ;)]
  • _gingin

    Posts: 116

    Jun 04, 2010 2:06 PM GMT
    perfectly understand how you feel.

    i have a nasty metabolism rate that can see me eating fatty food day after day after day and i'll just burn it all off sitting in front of the telly. i started becoming conscious about body image when i was younger and started reading up and going to the gym. i couldn't gain anything and was always left sorely disappointed.

    i joined a rowing team on invite by a friend. it was an environment that was fun and healthy, and gradually i began having bigger appetites and i was forced to weight train and do cardio for strength and endurance trainings. it all added up and after 1.5 years i realised i had bulked up. not a whole lot, but adquately filling up my measly ectomorphic frame.

    the problem now is, if i stop gymming, the first thing that goes is my muscles because i havent any fat to begin with. so its all about consistency and eating right for me.

    good luck. and dont stop beLieving in your dream icon_cool.gif !!! and don't you even dare think about getting all suicide drama over a body. your life is worth so much more than that, and its something you'll eventually realise and thank yourself for.
  • bobcatman

    Posts: 37

    Jun 04, 2010 2:11 PM GMT
    I have to recommend Scrawny to Brawny also. I have a hard time eating all the calories but I use suppliments to help. I have been adding weight and it takes time.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jun 04, 2010 2:40 PM GMT
    OP, don't be so down on yourself. Your posting contains a lot of negativity that's directed inward, and that's not helpful. I will say, however, that it's typical of a lot of gay men to tend to focus too much on achieving physical perfection as opposed to being fit, healthy and happy.

    A lot of guys on here have given you some good advice about how to build muscle, but it's not going to help if your basic self image is negative, because unless you come to terms with that, you'll never achieve perfection, and it will never be enough for you to be less than perfect. Focus instead on developing your fitness from many different angles: developing strength, good nutrition habits (ie not just eating to maximize muscle gain), flexiblity, balance and cardiovascular fitness. It can be very liberating when one has achieved this to not even focus anymore one's physique. When you're healthy and fit, it shines through, even if you don't have perfect pecs or biceps.
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    Jun 04, 2010 2:44 PM GMT
    NC3athlete saidOP, don't be so down on yourself. Your posting contains a lot of negativity that's directed inward, and that's not helpful. I will say, however, that it's typical of a lot of gay men to tend to focus too much on achieving physical perfection as opposed to being fit, healthy and happy.

    A lot of guys on here have given you some good advice about how to build muscle, but it's not going to help if your basic self image is negative, because unless you come to terms with that, you'll never achieve perfection, and it will never be enough for you to be less than perfect. Focus instead on developing your fitness from many different angles: developing strength, good nutrition habits (ie not just eating to maximize muscle gain), flexiblity, balance and cardiovascular fitness. It can be very liberating when one has achieved this to not even focus anymore one's physique. When you're healthy and fit, it shines through, even if you don't have perfect pecs or biceps.


    Totally agree. The hottest body is the one that encloses an incredible guy.
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    Jun 04, 2010 2:51 PM GMT
    p90x works too.

    half of your plight might be genetic, which can be overcome...it just means it will take you longer, and the other half is commitment. if you go to the gym and see what you want to be, become despairing, then go home and eat a big ol' bowl of frosted flakes, you'll experience the self-fulfilling prophecy.

    don't give up. never give up. fall down 6 times, get up seven. try "scrawny to brawny," try p90x, try tom venuto's ebook "burn the fat, feed the muscle," or anything that strikes you. but if you quit, you will *indeed* fail.

    remember this: your body is not the only body in all the world that will not respond to the correct formula for muscle gain. you are not the freakish example to be displayed in all the science books as the only guy in the history of the world to never gain muscle no matter how hard he tried.

    you just need to find the right formula. if you REALLY want to get to be like those guys around you, then you need to try really hard to find what works for you. think of it as your primary hobby. read all you can about it. try stuff out in the gym and really give it a chance to work. change how you eat. track how you eat in a diary and tweak as you go.

    it will happen for you because, (and i'm just guessing here), your body is not a freakish one-of-a-kind example of epic failure. it will respond if you make it so.
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    Jun 04, 2010 2:51 PM GMT
    can they do, "slow metablism, being natrually big, to keeping lean " book lol
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:16 PM GMT
    I'm sure this is very frustrating for you. I think I have some suggestions that can make a huge difference IF your are willing to follow them. I think a very significant factor is your self esteem, or as another poster called it - mindset. IF this is what you believe about your body then this is exactly what your brain will tell your body to produce. With the drastically negative attitude toward your body you are literally waging a biochemical attack on yourself. There is a chemical created in the brain for every emotion known that we've been able to test for so far. This self loathing may well be jacking your cortisol through the roof as well. Or another medical issue might be causing very high cortisol levels. Cortisol is famous for causing abdominal weight gain and eating up muscle. Hyperthyroidism is another potential factor.

    All that being said, here is what I personally think you need to do to fix this issue. Keep in mind that I am not a medical doctor and that you should always consult your doctor on such things and listen to his/her advice first and foremost, but here are my thoughts on what to do.

    1. Call physician and make appointment to review this with him. Get your cortisol, thyroid, testosterone, and CK levels tested for sure, and most likely a CBC and metabolic panel. Your doctor may advise other tests as well but I would definitely request at least the first four as a starting place.

    2.) Post some photos, post more specific information about diet, training, and any other issues you might be having as well. Do you have skin issues at all, or other health issues as well? The more specific you are with diet, training, supplement and symptoms the better feedback you will get. Without it most of this is just generic possibilities.

    3.) Immediately stop that 500 calorie nonsense. This will cause the exact opposite of what you want to happen. The body will sense this is a starvation crisis and it will do everything it can to preserve fat, including drastic reduction in your muscle mass. Your bodies natural programming is to preserve fat for the long haul in the event of a starvation crisis. Every pound of muscle you lose slows metabolism. Your body will also make drastic changes in hormone levels to prevent fat loss. IF you continue this for any significant length of time you will also have a rebound reaction when you do start eating normal again...essentially your body will say oh damn we just got through a starvation crisis we better pack on the fat cells for the next time that happens. This 500 calorie "diet" is a terrible idea, it will be counterproductive at best, it will shut down testosterone production almost completely, and will destroy your health. Please stop it immediately.

    4.) Go to Fitday or one of the other free sites for logging all of your food intake. Immediately start keeping a food log of everything you eat, don't forget to include calorie containing supplements and other hidden calories like butter, fish oil, and other sneaky things. Record everything that touches your lips. It would be good to post that log after a week or two of doing it so people can make suggestions based on real world information and not generalizations. Be careful to measure stuff at first as well. For example there is a huge calorie difference between one and two tablespoons of peanut butter but not much visual difference to the untrained eye. Log your supplements as well. When you post it, give us some idea of your intake before and after your workouts, what you consume first thing in the morning and what time your last food is versus what time you go to bed.

    5.) If you aren't logging your workouts, start doing so immediately. If you are doing that, then post your workout logs here.

    6.) Shorten your workouts significantly, 90 minutes is too long. As you go over an hour your testosterone levels drop and cortisol levels skyrocket. Especially if you have an endurance athlete type of body these long workouts will do more to train endurance instead of build muscle.

    7.) Get convinced that essentially at the most basic level our physiology functions more or less in nearly identical ways and that you can get past this hurdle. If 99% of men can achieve muscle growth so can you. Right now you are collecting the wrong evidence. You are collecting evidence to reinforce your belief that you are a failure, and your brain is creating that result. Instead start collecting reasons why you can succeed, examples of things you have succeeded at in the past that were difficult at first. You absolutely have to change your mind if you are going to fix this.

    8.) Post all this information back on here as you collect it so you can get better advice.


    WHEN YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS, THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE.



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    Jun 04, 2010 3:34 PM GMT
    Is it just me or is this thread MEANINGLESS WITHOUT PICTURES!
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:42 PM GMT
    Hey there,
    Weightlifting and gaining muscle isn't rocket science. It only seems like it when you over analyze everything. Some lifters are genetically gifted. But many, if they are not now, have done some hard work to get to where they are. Heavy lifts, consistent training, and great excitement and dedication for working out is what they usually do and possess. If you have all that and do all that, and after a long period of time are not seeing results, see a doctor.
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:43 PM GMT
    YngHungSFSD said
    5.) If you aren't logging your workouts, start doing so immediately. If you are doing that, then post your workout logs here.



    you can also get a heart rate monitor that will give you an idea how many calories you are burning in your workouts. between that and keeping a food diary, you know exactly what is going in and what is being burned and so you can keep track of your net calories.

    there is a science to all of this...
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:52 PM GMT
    Awww.... hug.

    Right. You need to reboot. 500 cals a day is not going to help AT ALL. Take a week or two off. Don´t go to the gym, don´t even think it and just go walking, cycling 2 or 3 times a week, whatever keeps you active. Meanwhile, plan your attack.

    Then start again. 90 mins is too long. Train 3 times a week for no more than an hour. When you train, train with complete integrity. Give it EVERYTHING, then stop. Don´t do stupid splits, do 3 whole body work outs per week, A and B which you alternate. Include big lifts (bench, deads, squats, don´t forget push ups and pul ups). You can do bicep curls if you really want, but deadlifts wil change your body. Lift with control. Do not throw weights that are too heavy for you.

    eat well, rest well. if you like then do a yoga or pilates class a few days a week.

    Your body WILL change if you work out and eat consistently. it may not be as fast as the next guy, but you do not buck the laws of nature.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Jun 04, 2010 7:19 PM GMT
    Hey. Guess I skimmed through at first and didn't see the bottom of your post indicating just how unhealthy you were feeling. (Crying is one thing, life not living is another.)

    I think people sell depressed people short by telling them to just be okay with who they are/their circumstances/etc. Fuck that. By all means, make your circumstances better. BUT you've got to keep these things in perspective. It's nice having a nice body, but *meh*. I'd much rather have my health (not quite the same thing) and I'd rather have a useful life than that. (I don't think I've ever seriously dated anyone who's athletic, not that I don't find it attractive, it's just not at the top of my list of cares.)

    Anyway, if you are depressed that's going to screw with your system and may both (a) be physiologically interfering with growth for reasons discussed by at least two posters already and (b) preventing you from adapting to bumps in the road (as mentioned there's trial and error in exercising; depression, on the other hand, is characterized by a tendency exaggerate the importance of set-backs, making them hard to deal with).

    Quick tip: I don't know a single person in grad school who didn't go through serious depression (of people I know well enough to have talked to about this, which is a lot). To some extent it's just part of mental/emotional reorganization that comes with maturing, but for some it's worse than others. Obviously talk to a professional if you need it. But a big tip that makes a remarkable difference: watch your sleep. Depressive episodes are not only characterized by sleep disruption, there also seems to be a causative effect. Watching, and forcing, yourself on a regular sleep schedule is, in my non-professional opinion, one of the best things you can do to help prevent depression. Aaaand it's key to getting good athletic gains (bulk or otherwise).

    Actually, that's another advantage of exercise, emotional regulation and some life regularity. If you find yourself slipping in your gym schedule it's often a cue that something is wrong and you need to get your shit together. Good luck. Don't be afraid to talk to someone about this (who you think knows what they're talking about -- though I'd think twice before accepting anti-depressants, I've never seen that do anyone any good; though I'm sure they have their place somewhere).

    Anyway. Chin up. Do try to step back for some perspective. And good luck.
    (Oh, and you might also try focusing more on functional gains than aesthetic: weight lifted, performance in a recreational sport, etc. One the later will help the former and is more divorced from complex issues of self-perception. Just a thought. ;) icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 04, 2010 8:02 PM GMT
    fuglyandthin saidI was at the gym earlier today and I had a revelation. In the middle of my chest workout, I realized that I was simply wasting my time. The whole charade of me lifting weights suddenly seemed so ridiculous. All around me were lean, fit, muscle-bound college men... and then there was me: the meek, scrawny, boy-man. The contrast between us was so flagrant that I was soon overwhelmed with dejection and gloom. I have never felt like such a failure. I almost burst into tears right then and there, like a little bitch, but managed to hold off until I got to my car.

    I am at my wits end. I have never wanted anything more than to have an attractive, fit body. Being lean and muscular has been my sole aim in life for the past couple years. I lift 3-4 times a week for 90 minutes a session, I lift hard and vary my workout, I eat my protein... You would think that after all this time, I would have something to show for my effort, yet somehow I look virtually the same as I did before ever stepping foot in a weight room. Countless hours spent lifting and untold sums wasted on food and supplements, and I have the same vile body I had in 2008. It doesn't fucking make sense. No matter what I do, my disgusting body doesn't change. How can this be?

    WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

    I cannot comprehend it. Am I simply defective/inferior at a genetic level? Is it biologically impossible for some people to put on muscle like normal men? Should I be studied in a laboratory?

    I thought that perhaps I wasn't eating enough. People told me I was a hard gainer and needed to stuff my face in addition to lifting hard... I thought surely this was the reason for my lack of musculature. So I incorporated more protein and calories into my diet. ALL I GOT WAS FAT. Now, in addition to being weak and small, I have a nice round paunch and a bitch ass to make me even more ugly.

    I've decided to starve myself on 500 calories a day until I shed the bitch fat I built up on my "hard gainer" diet. But past that I am at a loss. I want muscles. I want to look like a man. I want to have an attractive body. If I cannot have the satisfaction of these things, then I see no reason to continue living as my miserable, revolting self.

    PLEASE HELP ME. icon_cry.gif






    your like me i lift weights i jog but my body wont hold muscle mass, it could be reasons due to my motabolism being too fast
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    Jun 04, 2010 8:15 PM GMT
    neosyllogy saidHey. Guess I skimmed through at first and didn't see the bottom of your post indicating just how unhealthy you were feeling. (Crying is one thing, life not living is another.)

    I think people sell depressed people short by telling them to just be okay with who they are/their circumstances/etc. Fuck that. By all means, make your circumstances better. BUT you've got to keep these things in perspective. It's nice having a nice body, but *meh*. I'd much rather have my health (not quite the same thing) and I'd rather have a useful life than that. (I don't think I've ever seriously dated anyone who's athletic, not that I don't find it attractive, it's just not at the top of my list of cares.)

    Anyway, if you are depressed that's going to screw with your system and may both (a) be physiologically interfering with growth for reasons discussed by at least two posters already and (b) preventing you from adapting to bumps in the road (as mentioned there's trial and error in exercising; depression, on the other hand, is characterized by a tendency exaggerate the importance of set-backs, making them hard to deal with).

    Quick tip: I don't know a single person in grad school who didn't go through serious depression (of people I know well enough to have talked to about this, which is a lot). To some extent it's just part of mental/emotional reorganization that comes with maturing, but for some it's worse than others. Obviously talk to a professional if you need it. But a big tip that makes a remarkable difference: watch your sleep. Depressive episodes are not only characterized by sleep disruption, there also seems to be a causative effect. Watching, and forcing, yourself on a regular sleep schedule is, in my non-professional opinion, one of the best things you can do to help prevent depression. Aaaand it's key to getting good athletic gains (bulk or otherwise).

    Actually, that's another advantage of exercise, emotional regulation and some life regularity. If you find yourself slipping in your gym schedule it's often a cue that something is wrong and you need to get your shit together. Good luck. Don't be afraid to talk to someone about this (who you think knows what they're talking about -- though I'd think twice before accepting anti-depressants, I've never seen that do anyone any good; though I'm sure they have their place somewhere).

    Anyway. Chin up. Do try to step back for some perspective. And good luck.
    (Oh, and you might also try focusing more on functional gains than aesthetic: weight lifted, performance in a recreational sport, etc. One the later will help the former and is more divorced from complex issues of self-perception. Just a thought. ;) icon_biggrin.gif


    I went through a depression in grad school, too. Mine was related to the tension between my sexuality and my religious convictions at the time. As well as being unable to find work.

    If you are going through other struggles, you need to talk to SOMEONE about them. Naming things gives you power over them.
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1981

    Jun 04, 2010 8:24 PM GMT
    To the original poster:
    I think you're being too hard on yourself.
    Men come in all shapes and sizes, and I guarantee you that there are MANY men who would be attracted to a young, slim, 6-foot tall blond guy (that's you, bro).
    The super-muscular look is "in" right now, and certainly a lot of guys find that hot, but a lot of other guys like leaner physiques, too.
    There's a lot of emphasis on this site about achieving the perfect body, but there's a lot of other things that go into attraction: like intelligence, a sense of humor, kindness, and last but not least, being fun in bed. icon_biggrin.gif
    It's great to keep working out and be as healthy as you can, but I would encourage you to find other ways to feel good about yourself and find things that make you happy -- like surrounding yourself with people you like and enjoy doing things you do. If you feel good about yourself that will attract guys -- I'm sure of it.

    P.S., in 20 years when you look at a photo of your 24-year old self, I guarantee you'll think to yourself, "damn, I was cute back then, what was I whining about?"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 9:37 PM GMT
    chungo44 saidIs it just me or is this thread MEANINGLESS WITHOUT PICTURES!


    Agreed
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2010 3:21 PM GMT
    pattymcpat saidPick up the book "Scrawny to Brawny" By Michael Mejia, John Berardi


    It helped me go from this:
    30691_1377147303361_1072200004_30965298_

    To me now:
    28805_122449261128716_100000909276768_12




    mmm.... maybe I should get that book...
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Jun 12, 2010 3:35 PM GMT
    all you people who can eat and eat and never gain weight... i hate you
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    Jun 12, 2010 3:58 PM GMT
    Sorry for the long post, but. . .

    If it helps at all... believe me, I UNDERSTAND. I've often said I'm the poster boy for hard gainers. Honest to God, I've felt exactly the same way you do. And still do, sometimes.

    Without going into enormous detail, trust me when I tell you I tried EVERYTHING (except steroids) to put on weight and I could NEVER get past 150 pounds. The fact is, some of us are small-boned. That's genetics. And it's difficult for us to put on muscle.

    For me, once I hit the astounding weight of 150 or so, I discovered I didn't have a six-pack anymore, because some of the added weight went to my abs no matter how much I worked out. So even though I was bigger and more muscular, a lot of it didn't show because I wasn't toned. The 150 was too much for my frame, I guess.

    What I eventually did (years ago): Add cardio to my weightlifting. I kept the muscle, but also got a decent six-pack. I lost a few pounds in the process (now I'm 140, 142), which is frustrating, but I look (at least I'm told) defined and actually more muscular than when I was at 148 or 150.

    I'm not saying that's what you should do, but that's what I did.

    I know what you mean about going to the gym, seeing guys at 175 or 185. . . and sure, they look great. . . but really (and this will piss off some people) their bodies were mostly a gift of their genetics. Sure, they work out, but they gain relatively easily. Guys like us have to put in three times the effort to get one-third the results.

    And if you want to know what I REALLY think. . . I think a lot of those guys are pussies anyway. Most would give up before putting it a fraction of the time and effort that guys like us do.

    I don't say any of this to discourage you. I say it just to let you know there are others exactly like you. And the fact is, 95% of the guys out there don't have a frickin' clue as to what I'm talking about. They're crying and whining because they're "small" at 180 pounds. Give me a break.

    So just know it's going to take longer for you to see results. There will be days (like the day of your post) when you'll feel like you're making no progress and wasting your time. Just keep working out and watching your diet. That said, you may want to get some advice from some of the other posters about adjustments you might make.

    Also know this: Most of those guys who look great in the gym when they're in their twenties. . . again, mostly due to great genetics. . . start letting themselves go by age thirty. That happens because, unlike us small guys, they take their bodies for granted.

    The next time you go to the mall or the movies or wherever people congregate, look at guys age 35 or 40. . . and notice how most of them are overweight by 30-40 pounds and look like shit. These are the same guys you're currently admiring at the gym, just with 10 or 15 additional years.

    All that said, your profile says you're six feet and 155. I'd trade for that in a second. That's really not that small. I'd give anything to weigh 155. So I think maybe you're a little overly obsessed with your body image and you need to figure that out too. Seriously. . . and please don't take this the wrong way. . . a little counseling might help. Really, that's a very smart, positive thing you could do.

    In the meantime, just be you, try not to fret and keep working at it.

    Oh, and one more thing: Change your profile name!!!!! How can you even begin to think good about yourself with a name like "Fugly and thin"???