Am I a slut?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:01 PM GMT
    So, a few days ago, I got an email from an unknown-to-me RJ member asking me if I want to meet up with him and go sailing in the Mediterranean with him! I replied no, then got 2 very angry letters back. I've Blocked him, but his anger kinda shook me up.
    The thing is, I signed up to RJ in April when I was single. I've since met and fallen in love with a great guy here in Toronto (who's not on RJ). He has no problem with the fact that I'm a member here. He knows that I like to keep up with the some of the guys I've "met" on here, and that I'm not looking for sex.
    I guess I'm wondering if this type of thing has happened to other guys out there. I'm sure it has. Plus, it's made me wonder if many guys think it's slutty, or cock-teasing, for me to keep my pics up while I'm in a monogamous relationship. I don't see a problem. My BF doesn't see a problem. But I'm curious if I'm breaking some kind of online code of behaviour that I don't know about.

    Here's the full correspondence from that guy:

    ---- FROM xxx Jun 01, 2010 at 4:47 AM
    I am here for my birthday, you are a big boy and I am glad that you are out but being discreet is good. I love to find the love of my life, i am sure you will be busy that you will not reply back, but i hope that you will. My birthday is on june 4th. Email is
    xxx@yahoo.com
    i get back to CAlifornia on june 22nd, i go to Toronto for work sometimes. Call me at xxx xxx xxxx
    I will buy your ticket to LA if you want to come and visit me for 4th of July or if you want to go and hang with me in New York for a couple of nights... My dream will be to find an easy going kewl guy to love me and I will love him back... you want to train me and put some weight and muscles on me? I will take you on a sailboat this summer to Greece and Turkey... so, what do you say?
    Reply | Reply all | Forward | View Profile | Trash | Spam | Block S

    Then I replied:
    Sorry, dude, I have a boyfriend.

    Then he wrote:
    ---- FROM xxx Jun 01, 2010 at 6:14 PM
    I WAS ON HERE FOR 1 DAY, SO, IF YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON THIS SITE WITH THREE MILLION NAKED PICTURES OF YOURSELF POSTED? YOU ARE A GOOD LOOKING GUY AND I KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SEX AND YOU ARE INSECURE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO FILL YOUR VOID INSIDE, THIS IS A TYPICAL NARCISSIST BEHAVIOR BY ALL BUNCH OF FAGS ON THIS SITE.
    IF YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND THEN GET THE FUCK OFF THE INTERNET. WHAT KINE OF BOYFRIEND IS THAT AND YOU HAVE YOUR ASS HANING ALL OVER THE PLACE. YOU ARE SO NARCISSIST THAT YOU NOT ONLY HAVE 1 OR 2 OR AT LEASET HUNDREDS OF YOUR FUCKING PICS HERE. OH, PLEASE SISTER MARY, GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK WITH THE BOYFRIEND SHIT LINE STORY.

    ("Sister Mary"??) I didn't reply, then I got another one:

    ---- FROM xxx Jun 01, 2010 at 6:16 PM
    YOUR ENTIRE BIO SAYS TO LOVE YOU AND ADMIRE YOU BECAUSE YOU DO NOT LOVE YOURSELF. BEGGING PEOPLE TO STOP ASKING YOU FOR SKYPE. YOU ARE A FUCKING IDIOT AND YOU ARE 20 AND YOU ARE THE FUTURE OF GAY CULTURE IN THE US. BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF AND YOU MOTHER FUCKING SICK ASSHOLES ON THIS SITE. PERHAPS I SHOULD POST YOUR NAKED PICS AT U OF TEXAS WHEN I AM THERE AT THE END OF JUNE TO SEE HOW YOUR CLASSMATES FEEL ABOUT YOUR SICK FUCKING NARCISSIST PHOTOS OF YOURSELF.

    So, before Blocking him, I wrote:
    Wow, and you go on and on and on. You don't like being turned down, huh? You should work on that. Really not sexy.

    I know I should have ignored him, but he had pissed me off so much!
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jun 04, 2010 3:06 PM GMT
    A) you are NOT a slut
    B) you told him you were seeing someone so in other words bugger off sir
    C)you are definitely not naked in any of the pics on your profile. Showing off some nice physique yes, but again if you've got it flaunt it!
    D) that man was SAD with capitals!
    E) being on these type of sites can be seen as being slutty but it depends on what you use it for, some people use it for friends, tips on how to tone up or whatever, others for dates or hookups. if your bf is happy for you to use it and you are honest and open about it then i see no problem whatsoever!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:09 PM GMT
    I think that guy was a little deranged. Perhaps a little butt-hurt that he couldn't get what he really wanted.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:09 PM GMT
    Danforthboytoy,
    Mom is here, just dropping in before her 3 times a week gym workout. (heart surgery about 16 months ago at 76, so she's gettin all RJ fit, lol)

    She just read your post with me, then we looked at your pics and she burst out laughing.

    She used to paint and went to University for fine arts. She says your pictures are tamer than what she had to paint, and that the guy who emailed you obviously hasn't spent any time on public beaches. Lol, she's still giggling.

    If it makes you feel better, we've been the recipients of a few outraged emails stating that this site is for single guys only. Big fat raspberry to that.

    -Doug
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:24 PM GMT
    meninlove said Danforthboytoy,
    Mom is here, just dropping in before her 3 times a week gym workout. (heart surgery about 16 months ago at 76, so she's gettin all RJ fit, lol)

    She just read your post with me, then we looked at your pics and she burst out laughing.

    She used to paint and went to University for fine arts. She says your pictures are tamer than what she had to paint, and that the guy who emailed you obviously hasn't spent any time on public beaches. Lol, she's still giggling.

    If it makes you feel better, we've been the recipients of a few outraged emails stating that this site is for single guys only. Big fat raspberry to that.

    -Doug


    I'm loving the idea of getting our moms to come on here to protect us from the big bad sick-ass wolves out there. Classic!

    And Nick, you aren't serious, right? You know and I know you're the biggest prude on here. That guy sounded sick, if not straight! ha ha

    But wow, sailing to Greece and Turkey does sound kind of nice.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    Can't believe he called u a fag icon_sad.gif lol

    You can't be a slut by posting 10000000000 pics of urself on the Internet, not even if ure totally naked, worse case scenario that makes u an exhibitionist but never a slut.

    That guy really likes u apparently, and he just can't handle the fact that u turned him down. Sucks that didn't happen to me, i would have given him so much shit.

    Good luck to u and ur boy icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    owen19832006 saidA) you are NOT a slut
    B) you told him you were seeing someone so in other words bugger off sir
    C)you are definitely not naked in any of the pics on your profile. Showing off some nice physique yes, but again if you've got it flaunt it!
    D) that man was SAD with capitals!
    E) being on these type of sites can be seen as being slutty but it depends on what you use it for, some people use it for friends, tips on how to tone up or whatever, others for dates or hookups. if your bf is happy for you to use it and you are honest and open about it then i see no problem whatsoever!


    This post.
    Over and over again rings true about your original message.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jun 04, 2010 3:28 PM GMT
    ShinyToyTrev said
    owen19832006 saidA) you are NOT a slut
    B) you told him you were seeing someone so in other words bugger off sir
    C)you are definitely not naked in any of the pics on your profile. Showing off some nice physique yes, but again if you've got it flaunt it!
    D) that man was SAD with capitals!
    E) being on these type of sites can be seen as being slutty but it depends on what you use it for, some people use it for friends, tips on how to tone up or whatever, others for dates or hookups. if your bf is happy for you to use it and you are honest and open about it then i see no problem whatsoever!


    This post.
    Over and over again rings true about your original message.


    Huh? Didnt quite get that :S
  • nicelyproport...

    Posts: 573

    Jun 04, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    Didn't you know you have the future of gay culture sitting on your shoulders?

    No, you're not a slut. And if even if you were, is having a lot of sex a bad thing? I don't know too many guys who wish they were having less sex.

    When someone has such a tenuous grasp on reality, there's no reasoning with him. Best just to let it go.



  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Jun 04, 2010 3:37 PM GMT
    No, you're not a slut.
    Yes, the guy was seriously a freak, and I'm pretty sure I've taken a couple of films through development for him, or it feels that way...icon_rolleyes.gif
    BUT...if you were mine, no matter how confident I was, I might be a little unhappy with the profile and pics not being updated to something more along the lines of not searching, and include me in a couple. Maybe even a caption or two like "This is my BF's favorite pose on me" or "This is what I do if I'm losing an argument with my BF - I win every time." Just junk that makes it feel more real. Great pics, truly, but overall it doesn't exactly telegraph the "taken and off the market" message. It's pretty much still a "single and searching" brand you're projecting purely visually. Ask yourself...is this who I am today, and how I want other men to see me? It's not the same as "is this how I want to be seen by my BF", because he's not coming here to check you out...he's already got you. And if he needs a brag book for the office - that's what digital picture frames are for, not your profile on RJ. IMO.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:48 PM GMT
    Parkdaleboy said
    meninlove said Danforthboytoy,
    Mom is here, just dropping in before her 3 times a week gym workout. (heart surgery about 16 months ago at 76, so she's gettin all RJ fit, lol)

    She just read your post with me, then we looked at your pics and she burst out laughing.

    She used to paint and went to University for fine arts. She says your pictures are tamer than what she had to paint, and that the guy who emailed you obviously hasn't spent any time on public beaches. Lol, she's still giggling.

    If it makes you feel better, we've been the recipients of a few outraged emails stating that this site is for single guys only. Big fat raspberry to that.

    -Doug


    I'm loving the idea of getting our moms to come on here to protect us from the big bad sick-ass wolves out there. Classic!

    And Nick, you aren't serious, right? You know and I know you're the biggest prude on here. That guy sounded sick, if not straight! ha ha

    But wow, sailing to Greece and Turkey does sound kind of nice.....


    LOL, OK guys, Mom's gone to her fitness class. She thinks a nice smoochy kiss pic with your BF should nip any future unpleasantness in the bud, or posterior (mom's word). icon_lol.gif

    -Doug

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 3:53 PM GMT
    MuscleComeBack saidNo, you're not a slut.
    Yes, the guy was seriously a freak, and I'm pretty sure I've taken a couple of films through development for him, or it feels that way...icon_rolleyes.gif
    BUT...if you were mine, no matter how confident I was, I might be a little unhappy with the profile and pics not being updated to something more along the lines of not searching, and include me in a couple. Maybe even a caption or two like "This is my BF's favorite pose on me" or "This is what I do if I'm losing an argument with my BF - I win every time." Just junk that makes it feel more real. Great pics, truly, but overall it doesn't exactly telegraph the "taken and off the market" message. It's pretty much still a "single and searching" brand you're projecting purely visually. Ask yourself...is this who I am today, and how I want other men to see me? It's not the same as "is this how I want to be seen by my BF", because he's not coming here to check you out...he's already got you. And if he needs a brag book for the office - that's what digital picture frames are for, not your profile on RJ. IMO.


    I tend to agree with you here to a degree. But in his defence (I'm a friend who knows him quite well) what Nick hasn't said is, he just came out 2 months ago and I see his pics for what they are: him announcing and celebrating his newly-proclaimed sexuality to the world in a way that he saw fit. It's still a new, raw and exciting thing for him after being closeted for so long. And the fact that his family and friends have accepted it whole-heartedly just adds to his general happiness about life right now. So, basically, I'm giving him a pass LOL. If they were cock shots and ass shots or whatever, then I might say something to him, even if his BF were fine with them. Plus, he totally changed his Profile info after meeting David. (From "Looking" to "Monogamous", etc.

    But again, I do totally GET what you're saying.

    PS. Man, if he took those pics down, the outcry on this site would deafen us all! LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 4:00 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Parkdaleboy said
    meninlove said Danforthboytoy,


    LOL, OK guys, Mom's gone to her fitness class. She thinks a nice smoochy kiss pic with your BF should nip any future unpleasantness in the bud, or posterior (mom's word). icon_lol.gif

    -Doug



    You're not the first to suggest that, but my BF doesn't really want one uploaded. But thank your mom for me! LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 4:09 PM GMT
    owen19832006 said
    ShinyToyTrev said
    owen19832006 saidA) you are NOT a slut
    B) you told him you were seeing someone so in other words bugger off sir
    C)you are definitely not naked in any of the pics on your profile. Showing off some nice physique yes, but again if you've got it flaunt it!
    D) that man was SAD with capitals!
    E) being on these type of sites can be seen as being slutty but it depends on what you use it for, some people use it for friends, tips on how to tone up or whatever, others for dates or hookups. if your bf is happy for you to use it and you are honest and open about it then i see no problem whatsoever!


    This post.
    Over and over again rings true about your original message.


    Huh? Didnt quite get that :S

    It means "I second this post" or "This is what I think too" or "Agreed".

    ...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    Hi Dan

    Being a slut can be a good thing or a bad thing too! When i was in CA and split with mine cheating and a fat lier of a ex-bf Chris. I moved on and I was a little of a slut. It was fun but when I moved to FL I can't find ANY studs I like unless I moved back to CA. CA has more to give then BOARDING FL to find badboys or badbass badboys with a band. That me personaly.

    BW
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 4:20 PM GMT
    bad ass bad boys with a band?

    Laughed mine ass off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 8:52 PM GMT
    After you told him your in a relationship he prob. got drunk cuz he was so upset then wrote to you again? idk, the guys twisted. you should just laugh at him, not get mad! !!!!!

    and when someone calls me slut i say "THANKS" cuz im a virgin...icon_eek.gif...icon_cool.gif
    HAHA.

    THAT GUY WAS AAAAAAA CREEEEEPERRR!!!!!!!!!!!! DUH!! dont sweat it!!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 9:16 PM GMT
    lmfao that guy is so delusional! Send him the link to Mariah Carey's "Obsessed".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    I sure hope you're a slut. You're kinda hot. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 9:59 PM GMT
    the guy is weirdo. And no you're not a slut. However maybe try taking off most of your pics and maybe keep one or two. That way you wont run into these problems in the future... Just a suggestion!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 10:30 PM GMT
    Naked pics? What? Am I missing something? Now that would be misleading. -There have been threads like this before- about jealous boyfriends and RJ- and they all end with, "get him to join so that he could see that it's not like that." You'll get some creepers that insist this is a hookup site... but for most it's just a place to kill time. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 10:51 PM GMT
    You're not a slut.

    RJ is about fitness and gay men, why would you not post pics tellings a lot about your body ?

    I have naked pics posted, you don't have any.

    It's just that some guys can't handle you to be taken yet visible, and visible in a desirable way.

    Don't feel bad, some online freak are gitfed is saying bad things to you which makes you wonder if there is not a part of true in it. It's a skill they practice over and over again, how to make you doubt of yourself.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 10:53 PM GMT
    S ensitive
    L oving
    U nderstanding
    T ender

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 10:56 PM GMT
    _chuck_ saidS ensitive
    L oving
    U nderstanding
    T ender

    I thought the T was for Tantalizing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2010 11:04 PM GMT
    The guy clearly has some mental health issues. Which makes you feel sorry for any guy that might have agreed to go on a trip to the Med with him.

    However, as much as you might be pissed off by his irrational reaction, you've posted his private email (which also reveals his full name) and phone number. That's not cool.

    Maybe you didn't consider that much before you re-posted his email. But you have no right to post to the public any information he didn't intend for the public. I would edit that out of your post immediately.