A lie I thought I would never be a victim of....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2010 5:23 PM GMT
    So I have been seeing this guy for a little over a month now. We've been on many dates and everything seemed to go just fine. I was into him and he was into me.

    We have done alot together and I was beginning to get attached to him. I took him to a super fine restaurant for his birthday and spent countless hours just the two of us.

    We decided to wait on sex until the moment was right. Well when that day came, which was about 3 weeks ago, he made an attempt to top me without success. He went limp. He apologized for going limp and he felt angry at himself for not being able to perform. After the failure, I told him not to worry...that it was most likely a case of performance anxiety. I sympathised with him because I have been a victim of P.A. myself so I continued to see him. We continued to be affectionate towards one another and this week we tried to have sex again with him on top of course, and he had another system failure. Again, I told him not to worry that we will get there once the anxiety goes away. I was so willing to give this guy a shot cause I really liked him and was falling hard for him so fast. Yesterday as we left the club, he began to whimper. I asked him what was wrong and he said "I can't hold onto this any more, I have been dishonest for the sake of holding onto you. I am a bottom".

    At this, I began to cry cause I know that I could never be a top. Sex is important to me when it comes to a relationship. I repeatedly asked him why he would do such a thing.

    We both just cried in the middle of the low lit street. He held me tight as he apologized repeatedly for his dishonesty. It really felt like I was playing a romantic role in a movie. After an hour of crying in the middle of the street, we had to call our romantic endevours a quit.

    Has anyone been lied to like this? Should I continue to hang out with him? Is this one of those 3 strikes out type of lie? I just never would have thought that I would be lied to this way... especially from such a nice guy like he is.
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    Jun 05, 2010 5:29 PM GMT
    Hmmm. That's interesting. My friend was in that exact situation! I've wondered that myself since I'm pretty much the same way. I mean, I don't like to top or whatever and it would be stressful on me if I dated a bottom...


    ....But! I really never ask someone if they are a top or a bottom while getting to know them in the beginning anyways so I suppose I am taking the risk in just figuring it out on my own when that time comes, right? I suppose it isn't a superficial question if you're asking it in terms of sexual compatibility and not just wanting to get some, no? Hmmm, I'm reconsidering some things now.
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    Jun 05, 2010 5:39 PM GMT
    i suppose a double-headed dildo is out the question? i'm not trying to sound callous, but if you like this guy, then i wouldn't let this get in the way.
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    Jun 05, 2010 5:59 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidi suppose a double-headed dildo is out the question? i'm not trying to sound callous, but if you like this guy, then i wouldn't let this get in the way.


    I did speak with a friend of mine and he said that sex isn't everything. If all else is there, then why not try to make it work..
  • seven_deadly_...

    Posts: 104

    Jun 05, 2010 6:28 PM GMT
    How important is anal sex to you? If it's a sexual activity that you greatly enjoy and your sex life won't feel complete without it, then maybe you can go with DJ's suggestion. There are all kinds of toys you can use to bonk each other silly. It will probably require that you redefine your view of "proper" sex, but if your connection with the guy is that strong maybe you should give it a try.
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    Jun 05, 2010 6:49 PM GMT

    Aggieboy, I can't help you. We're both quite versatile and so have a blank spot with this.

    icon_redface.gif

    -Doug

    I think, though, that a dildo (or butt plug) would work if bottoming makes you erect. Hey, shut up you guys! Bill and I explore monogamy. *sticks out tongue*

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    Jun 05, 2010 8:39 PM GMT
    It sound sounds like you two have made a great connection with each other. I wouldn't let him go just because you are both bottoms. Try different kinds of sex and use dildos and other toys. Get creative, there are lots of great things you can do.
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    Jun 05, 2010 8:44 PM GMT
    All I can say is: LMFAO!
    I really needed that. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 05, 2010 8:48 PM GMT
    You were crying! He was crying- over this shit!!!

    MY gawd what a bunch of pussies!

    You deserve each other!
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    Jun 05, 2010 8:52 PM GMT
    thats why sex is the first date is important...
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    Jun 05, 2010 8:53 PM GMT
    lmao
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    Jun 05, 2010 8:53 PM GMT
    I lied in three relationships, each lasting over 3 years. That's a long time to lie. I told them I'm a top, when in reality I don't like butt sex at all. But I was relatively new to being gay, lived in the sticks with no gay scene whatsoever, and didn't have much experience with guys. I thought anal sex was a requirement to be gay. Because of that, I thought I was the oddball for not liking anal, so lied in order to have a b/f. It was lie or kill myself, which I'd pondered many times...just to keep from being shunned by the gay community.

    Now I've realized there are 1000's of guys into muscle-worship and body contact without anal sex, and larger cities are where to find them.

    Ok that doesn't help much with the OP, but maybe he lied because he felt obligated to top. It took me over 10 years to realize I'm under no obligation to do shit. If the person I'm with isn't sexually compatible, another one will be. As far as relationship status goes, that's why I list my kinks in my profile...don't wanna get into another relationship with someone I'm not compatible with, and being up front about them is the best way to accomplish that..
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    Jun 05, 2010 8:57 PM GMT
    A1EX saidAll I can say is: LMFAO!
    I really needed that. icon_biggrin.gif

    Yeah, this post is a joke, right?
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    Jun 05, 2010 9:01 PM GMT
    Aggieboy saidI was falling for him fast...he began to whimper. I asked him what was wrong and he said "I am a bottom".

    At this, I began to cry

    We both just cried in the middle of the low lit street. After an hour of crying in the middle of the street, we had to call our romantic endevours a quit.



    oh shitz datz just packed with the lulz.....icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
    FAILbike.jpg
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    Jun 05, 2010 9:05 PM GMT
    Soulasphyx said it would be stressful on me if I dated a bottom...




    soulasphyxiated is a chilldude....but the facepalm aint discriminatory....lolz icon_cool.gif
    FACEPALM.jpg
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    Jun 05, 2010 9:08 PM GMT
    If you like the guy is sexual position really that important? Can you meet halfway on some level? It just seems kind of like a shame that you two seemed to have hit it off, and now you're letting something that could possibly be worked around get in the way. Lying about being a bottom is forgiveable in my opinion. Now that it's out you have something to work with at least.
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    Jun 05, 2010 9:14 PM GMT
    ROFL icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Jun 05, 2010 9:16 PM GMT
    jusTom saidthats why sex is the first date is important...


    I feel it's sad so many people see it that way, but they are young. When they are older they will see that even if you drive each other nuts in bed, and it all works well, and you are together til death do us part. The good sex never lasts. Life set in, you become complacent, and you both start to get on with your own lives; albeit together. So in the long hall sex on the first date is lost, if you build the foundations of your relationship on sex, it will crumble and fall overtime. Any Wonder so many gay men complain about not being able to find the one, he may well of passed them by already.

    Now one did not dismiss sex in a relationship either.
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    Jun 05, 2010 9:18 PM GMT
    It may well be that his inability to perform was driven in part by the guilt in holding onto a secret. With all his other qualities and your otherwise excellent relationship, if you both want the relationship to work, why not give it a chance.
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    Jun 05, 2010 9:21 PM GMT
    LMAO................
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    Jun 05, 2010 9:31 PM GMT
    I don't understand... you called off the relationship, even though you were falling for him, because he was a bottom? I feel like you may have thrown away happiness because of something petty. There are ways to get around that, and if you really cared about him, and he cared for you, you could still be together. A relationship is more than sex, and if you want true happiness you will have to make sacrifices... if this means finding different ways to be intimate, so be it.
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    Jun 05, 2010 9:33 PM GMT
    Pattison said
    jusTom saidthats why sex is the first date is important...


    I feel it's sad so many people see it that way, but they are young. When they are older they will see that even if you drive each other nuts in bed, and it all works well, and you are together til death do us part. The good sex never lasts. Life set in, you become complacent, and you both start to get on with your own lives; albeit together. So in the long hall sex on the first date is lost, if you build the foundations of your relationship on sex, it will crumble and fall overtime. Any Wonder so many gay men complain about not being able to find the one, he may well of passed them by already.

    Now one did not dismiss sex in a relationship either.


    Not all young people feel this way... see above.
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    Jun 05, 2010 9:34 PM GMT

    icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif X 10 at the sensitivity displayed in some of these replies. Should your own aches be treated in a like manner?

    The OP has demonstrated two things to you guys.

    Trust. He trusted you with something personal.
    Respect. He respects the opinions of guys on here, and so hoped to get some insight.

    Was he wrong on both counts?





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 05, 2010 9:34 PM GMT
    "True love conquers all"

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    Jun 05, 2010 9:35 PM GMT
    It's not the kind of lie I'd be offended by. I'd probably just chuckle and ask him why he didn't just tell me from the start.

    If you guys truly like each other, perhaps you should consider finding ways to be creative with sex. It's possible one of you could discover your inner top.