Nervous about I love you

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2010 8:09 AM GMT
    Me and my guy have been dating for a year this August. We are close, but have never said "I love you". My guy, as well as myself, are not out, but that does not stop us from going out together when ever and where ever we want, and sneaking a kiss in the car if nobody is paying attention around us (haha). We are not cold towards each other in public, but at the same time we dont hold hands and skip or make out in between courses (and I wouldnt do any of those things regardless). I feel loved, and I show him love. That being said... I do not know if I am IN LOVE with this man, but I do feel very strongly for him, I love him, and I have felt the urge to say it lately but I am scared to... Dont want to cause an awkward moment. He is not the most verbal with his affections.

    Not that it should be a pre-planned thing, but I am tempted to just wait till we are drinkin some night and say it! haha. i know thats lame...

    If you love someone and feel loved, but dont know if saying "I love you" would be awkward, would you say it? Or just be content with never verbalizing it?

    I am not afraid of him freaking out and dumping me, just afraid of an awkward moment, or awkward silence!

    Thank you!
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Jun 06, 2010 12:23 PM GMT
    Well, it's not like you'd be saying it 'too soon' so I say go for it. Just make sure you're in a place and atmosphere that's calm and relaxed - and don't get upset if he doesn't say it back. My late partner told me he loved me before I said it to him. So many people think it's an immediate deal breaker if the other person doesn't reply back immediately saying the same thing. I would say something like this "you don't have to respond or feel awkward, but I just wanted to let you know that I love you"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2010 12:48 PM GMT
    Never be afraid to say those words to a person with whom you have been sharing your life, and never be afraid to walk away from him if he doesn't share your sentiments. You must love yourself first.

    It would seem neither of you have come out to each other. This isn't really about being "out" in public. This is about accepting each other's homosexuality. It sounds like neither of you do, and ... ay, there's the rub.

    I wish you luck.
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    Jun 06, 2010 1:02 PM GMT
    First, both of you need to come out of the closet. You're in DC - a gay friendly city - there's no excuse for staying hidden. Tell those who don't like it to go fuck themselves, and remind them that homophobia is the fear of one's own homosexuality (scientifically proven now, finally).

    Second, as long as you're both closeted, saying "I love you" will likely reap an unwanted response. If you really love him, entertain the idea of both of you coming out together. Neither of you will be happy until that happens. Then you can say "I love you" without worrying about what he'll think.

    Third, live happily ever after, until the next hot-n-horny guy comes along and fucks everything up. icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 06, 2010 1:06 PM GMT
    People put too much stock in these three little words. When to say it, how to say it, how long to wait to say it. It's all a lot of pressure.

    If you haven't said it up to now, there's probably a good reason. If he loves you, you two have nothing but time to figure it out. It's not a race.

  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Jun 06, 2010 1:16 PM GMT
    My partner said it to me long before I said it back to him---and every person who has posted is correct so far. Only you know your relationship with this guy. You should only use the L-word when you mean it, not because you feel you should or are pressured to do.

    And don't expect it back. I will say, if you mention those three words--and he is honest up front in his answer, "I'm not sure I can say those right now, but I will honor you andy our feeling..." You're on a good road.

    I mean, a year? Congratz. I'm at 12. It can be done.
  • hyperionx

    Posts: 232

    Jun 06, 2010 4:07 PM GMT
    As someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, it'd probably be the first thing I'd say the next time I saw him, if I really really felt the desire to say it, and felt it was the right time.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 06, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
    Let me say it was challenging for me. My bf was after the "love" comment before I. I love him very much, but it seemed odd in the beginning, because I hadn't had a bf before and I tend to be very analyitical when it comes to allowing others to hear how I feel... not that I can't express it.

    Its kind of funny now... there are times I'll start a conversation by saying, "You know I love you, right".... his response.... "What did you do now"? LOL
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jun 06, 2010 4:17 PM GMT
    if you are nervous then explore it with him. ask him if he feels similarly or if saying those words would add a hint of pressure to your dynamic. find out the why in him and, perhaps, find out the what in yourself.

    if love were logic-based then we could easily subject it to scientific testing.
    love instead seems to be based more upon the notion that it is a series with which to be learned over a course of experiences.
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Jun 06, 2010 4:20 PM GMT
    Man, the minute I think it's possible that I'm in love with a guy, I'm gonna spit out the "L" word right away! I'm getting older, there's no more time to screw around.

    There's nothing to be nervous about. You've been together nearly a year, you should be able to say anything at this point. Do you really doubt he doesn't feel the same about you as you do for him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2010 4:29 PM GMT
    Similar situation here. Been dating great guy for almost 9 months. I'm not the most verbal about love and such, and somehow it feels like this big pinata out there that one of us needs to just hit already.
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    Jun 06, 2010 4:44 PM GMT
    How about saying it during whatever's the most romantic moment you guys share together? And that goes for other guys here, as well.

    For me it's usually waking up in bed together in the morning, naked and cuddling, but other times it might be the same scene except at night, holding hands while watching TV. For you it might be over a quiet dinner, at a discreet restaurant table or at home. Maybe over cocktails somewhere, or sitting on a patio watching the sunset, or on the deck of a boat, or just on the sofa at home, watching some movie or show on TV that makes you both sentimental.

    The details are up to you, but I assume you get the picture. Or alternatively, during an anti-romantic moment, when it's least expected, a total surprise. You go hiking together, the rains come, you find yourselves soaked, and you start laughing because you both look so silly & miserable. And you just grab him in the middle of the woods, and say as you kiss: "You know what, Mister, I love you! I'd rather be here with you right now than anywhere else in the world!" If that doesn't win him over you better trade him in.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2010 8:17 PM GMT
    Well, this is very interesting. I have the same mindset as Kansan,my b.f said it before i really knew how I felt(afterwards he said it was alrite if i didnt say it then) and i too think on the analytical side.lol Its been a few months now and i have found myself accidentlly saying it when thinking of him( icon_redface.gif hehe) so....i have decided to tell him.

    Now i dont know if u had these slip ups also but if u feel a connection wit him that makes u smile when u think of him i believe its time to say it. Like the others have said, just explain to him that this is how U feel and that he isnt obligated to say it at this time. Good luck icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2010 11:08 PM GMT
    Oh for crying out loud, if you feel it's time to say it, stop being a god damned pansy and sit it the fuck out.. Geez, you been together a year, you hang out, have fun enjoy each others time, I bet havesex regularly and probably spend many nights at each others place.

    So grow a pair of nuts and while your growing those nuts come out!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2010 11:26 PM GMT
    Like lilTanker said, grow some balls!

    1st, come out already, sheesh!
    2nd, just say it!
  • hyperionx

    Posts: 232

    Jun 08, 2010 1:34 AM GMT
    So have you said anything yet?!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2010 4:00 PM GMT
    DCdude0007 said, "I do not know if I am IN LOVE with this man, but I do feel very strongly for him, I love him, and I have felt the urge to say it lately but I am scared to..."

    hmmm...you don't know if you're in love with him but you love him.

    Well.

    Can you clarify a little? You're not in love, but love him as a friend? icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2010 4:06 PM GMT
    They are just words. I say SHOW it if you don't want to say it. Demonstrations of love are way better than statements of it.

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 08, 2010 4:10 PM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2010 4:15 PM GMT
    lol, well I don't know about you guys, but I wouldn't tell a lover I loved him until I knew I was in love.

    I've also been on the receiving end of this, and wasn't great at all to be told, "I love you" and then find out the person saying it wasn't sure whether he was in love or not.

    -Doug
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    Jun 08, 2010 4:21 PM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2010 4:31 PM GMT
    jrs1 saidif you are nervous then explore it with him. ask him if he feels similarly or if saying those words would add a hint of pressure to your dynamic. find out the why in him and, perhaps, find out the what in yourself.

    if love were logic-based then we could easily subject it to scientific testing.
    love instead seems to be based more upon the notion that it is a series with which to be learned over a course of experiences.

    I love you. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2010 4:53 PM GMT
    I've never understood the hang-up people have with saying "I love you". If I feel it, I say it. I've always been that way. Sometimes it just slips out. I'm almost compelled to say what I feel. However, it can freak some people out and I'm not sure why. There's too little love in this world so if you feel it, let it be said.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Jun 08, 2010 5:07 PM GMT
    NEVER edit your heart. Ever.

    Coming out, being out, being proud enough not to hide or feel hidden, are all ways we edit our heart. What we feel for ourselves is so easily read by others, and can have lasting effect on how safe people feel in expressing anything in candor, be it love or admiration or longing...to friends, family, colleagues or lovers.

    Take pride, first, in yourself.

    And then, give your heart the freedom to speak for itself, when it pleases, without constraint or shame or pretense. Don't wonder what is right or wrong, proper or improper, safe or unsafe. Let it speak for itself and LISTEN.

    NEVER edit your heart. Ever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 08, 2010 5:21 PM GMT
    "I do not know if I am IN LOVE with this man..."


    Am I the only one seeing this in the original post? O.o



    -Doug