Do you go 'vers' when in a loving relationship?


  • Jun 06, 2010 12:11 PM GMT
    Howdy icon_biggrin.gif

    A question to all the non vers. guys out there. When you are in a relationship and you are both in love, do you both naturally/automatically become vers?

    Do you discuss becoming vers?
    Do you switch from Top/Bottom?
    Do you stick to being Top/Bottoms?

    My BF is a bottom and he just does not want to top. He is a few years older than me and knows what he wants I guess, but I'd kinda like to explore every avenue of gay sex with him, and he just doesn't like it and prefers bottom. Do you think that is healthy in a relationship where you both love eachother? I am worried in time that without that FULL experience, I won't be fully satisfied if you know what I mean - i've only ever topped, but do want to bottom too.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Jun 06, 2010 12:27 PM GMT
    "yes" to all questions!

    my current bf is the first guy i used the "L" word on.

    he and I have both become vers for the other.

    amazing what you do (and what you want to do!) when you are in love! icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2010 3:41 PM GMT
    I'm more top inclined, but if I end up with someone long term I expect to have to turn the other cheek, so to speak. It's just fair if I expect it. To me, that's what it's about - a kind of equality.

    It helps if he's my size and can share some of the wardrobe, too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2010 5:53 PM GMT
    When in a relationship I don't think there should be labels on sex. Communication is very key. You may not want to bottom ALL the time, it may be like me where you crave it ONCE every 8 years (true story). But it's nice to know you have a guy that can rise to the occasion so to speak. That way you won't be tempted to cheat due to feeling unfulfilled sexually.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 06, 2010 9:13 PM GMT
    If I'm in a relationship I wanna fuck and be fucked often.
    Get lost if you can't be both.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2010 4:59 AM GMT
    I'm already vers, so I do expect that out of any potential boyfriend.

    On that note, I got my current boyfriend to try bottoming last night... and he really got into it. icon_smile.gif
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jun 08, 2010 6:07 AM GMT
    I'm pretty new to the gay site...so for now...I'm more comfortable being a top...but hell if the right guy came along who knows???????? Bud
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2010 6:11 AM GMT
    Nothing says you have to, that would be your choice.

    I wont top i dont care how much i love the guy, i just dont want to.

    if my b/f one days says he wants me to top him, ill look at him an say, "babe, i love you, but you knew wht you were getting when you chose me. . . a BOTTOM!" lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2010 6:27 AM GMT
    i think its necessary to go vers when in a relationship...or if you stick to just one sexual position..your mate will find what he wants somewhere else....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2010 6:33 AM GMT
    I don't think there are any hard and fast (no punn intended) rules. It's about what works for you. If you really want to bottom and he's not willing to do it, you need to talk about it and find a solution. If it's not really a big deal to you but others are telling you they think it's strange, don't let their input guide the direction of your relationship. In the meantime, enjoy that eager bottom icon_wink.gif

  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jun 08, 2010 3:31 PM GMT
    yeah its part of the compromise that just happens without having to have a chat about it...im more of a top but my bf doesnt really enjoy bottomming that much even though he says he does, so i bottom for him, i dont mind it and in fact quite enjoy it -too much sometimes!- therefore i would say that im versatile, i enjoy topping as much as i enjoy being a bottom...but only with my man if you know what i mean, i need to feel safe and secure and loved to be able to bottom thats just me though
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2010 4:06 PM GMT
    Communication, compromise, and toys.
  • NashRugger

    Posts: 1089

    Jun 08, 2010 4:09 PM GMT
    Yes, I used to be a strict top, but am vers with my partner because I ain't greedy. We switch it up each time, so it is my turn to get it next.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2010 4:35 PM GMT
    For the right person.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Jun 08, 2010 4:56 PM GMT
    I think, generally, people in a relationship ought to: (A) be willing to compromise some to help fulfill each other (B) enjoy things that make their partner happy.

    I certainly get engaged in kinds of sex and kinks that aren't my own, but that excite my partner when I'm in a relationship -- and I enjoy them indirectly if nothing else -- sympathetic pleasure. As long both people's needs are being met I find resistance to such things strange in general.
    (Many people have rather small sex-comfortzones though...)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2010 5:22 PM GMT
    futuresooner saidYes, I used to be a strict top, but am vers with my partner because I ain't greedy. We switch it up each time, so it is my turn to get it next.



    I ain't greedy either. My guy is a bottom who sometimes likes to top. I'm a top, and because he's my guy I gave flipping a try, just for him. Twice. I didn't like it, and even less the second time. It's not for me. Why you would think that makes somebody greedy is beyond me. If, a couple years into the relationship, my partner told me "hey you know, I actually prefer blond guys," I would say tough, I'm not bleaching my hair. Compromise is different from conditions. Saying "Get lost if you can't fuck and be fucked" is a condition of the relationship, and could very well extend your life as a single guy as much as saying "I only date blonds."


    IMO.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2010 5:23 PM GMT
    neosyllogy said ....sympathetic pleasure....



    That's a new concept, never heard that one before.

  • NashRugger

    Posts: 1089

    Jun 08, 2010 5:35 PM GMT
    DjDorchester said
    futuresooner saidYes, I used to be a strict top, but am vers with my partner because I ain't greedy. We switch it up each time, so it is my turn to get it next.



    I ain't greedy either. My guy is a bottom who sometimes likes to top. I'm a top, and because he's my guy I gave flipping a try, just for him. Twice. I didn't like it, and even less the second time. It's not for me. Why you would think that makes somebody greedy is beyond me. If, a couple years into the relationship, my partner told me "hey you know, I actually prefer blond guys," I would say tough, I'm not bleaching my hair. Compromise is different from conditions. Saying "Get lost if you can't fuck and be fucked" is a condition of the relationship, and could very well extend your life as a single guy as much as saying "I only date blonds."


    IMO.


    I'm not calling others greedy, just using the term in my situation. I understand that for some it just isn't comfortable, so it is what it is in those situations.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2010 5:46 PM GMT
    Yes to all.

    I enjoy one more than the other, but being vers is the best way.
  • DarkSensation

    Posts: 715

    Jun 08, 2010 6:59 PM GMT


    I would never switch...My sexual Role is my Identity, Joy and Pride icon_biggrin.gif
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Jun 08, 2010 7:20 PM GMT
    DjDorchester said
    neosyllogy said ....sympathetic pleasure....

    That's a new concept, never heard that one before.


    Sarcasm?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Jun 08, 2010 7:21 PM GMT
    although my bf and I do occassionally switch off; he is far better at topping than I...and I am much better at bttming that he. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2010 7:25 PM GMT
    neosyllogy saidI think, generally, people in a relationship ought to: (A) be willing to compromise some to help fulfill each other (B) enjoy things that make their partner happy.

    I certainly get engaged in kinds of sex and kinks that aren't my own, but that excite my partner when I'm in a relationship -- and I enjoy them indirectly if nothing else -- sympathetic pleasure. As long both people's needs are being met I find resistance to such things strange in general.
    (Many people have rather small sex-comfortzones though...)


    I'm of this mindset, as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 08, 2010 9:07 PM GMT
    neosyllogy said
    DjDorchester said
    neosyllogy said ....sympathetic pleasure....

    That's a new concept, never heard that one before.


    Sarcasm?



    No. Really have never heard of "sympathetic pleasure."

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 28, 2010 6:31 AM GMT

    OK, I am "exclusively" a TOP, and I find these pseudo politically correct statements about versatility as the "only" way to express true love and sharing ill informed (psychoanalytically speaking) and arrogant.

    I don't go telling people or making judgments about what is the "correct" way to behave in bed with your lover, trick, etc. Only you and your sexual partner can decide that.

    I will agree that expectations should be communicated right off the bat. It saves time and disappointment for both sides.

    I don't have the physical or psychological need or desire to be penetrated. There is not any complex reason for it, except the fact that that is not an erogenous zone for me and I enjoy penetrating my sexual partner. Believe this: there are lots of men that feel exactly the way I do.

    Regardless of their nature, the most successful relationships I have had with men have been with exclusively bottom men . I have discussed this subject extensively with both exclusive bottom and exclusive top men and the experience seems to be shared. Complementation is very efficient and economical, both physically and emotionally.

    I am not saying this option is better than versatile relationships or anything in the vast gamut of sexual interaction we gay men are so good at exploring and "expanding". What I am saying is that if you are "exclusively" one or the other your are more likely to be sexually happier with a "mechanically" opposite partner.

    Regardless of where you fall in the spectrum here, when you are sharing yourself with him, there is an inexplicable pleasure connection (that goes way beyond the physical) between the receptive partner who is offering himself and "containing" the active one and the active one who is giving of himself and rejoices in the pleasure he provides with his phallus to the passive one. Anyone who's locked eyes (in that very special way) while on top or bottom understands what I am talking about.

    Be safe, connect and enjoy sex whichever way you like it!