Open Relationships/Being the Third Wheel

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2010 12:46 PM GMT
    If a man loves another man why is there a need for an open relationship. I found out a man I had developed deep feelings for was in one and had no intention of a relationship with me. Pretty selfish. So are open relationships simply selfishness -- an attempt to have the best of everything and no regard to hurting the others you pull into them?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 07, 2010 1:06 PM GMT
    When you open yourself up to someone, you're taking a risk that you will get hurt.

    Next time get the facts before your jump in.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2010 2:02 PM GMT
    "I found out a man I had developed deep feelings for was in one and had no intention of a relationship with me. Pretty selfish."

    So you assumed he was single? Having been the third wheel several times, beginning when I was 19, I know how you feel, BUT in one instance I knew they were a couple and went for it, developed feelings for one of them, had a good sob, then moved on. I forgave myself for it because I was young and very inexperienced. It was 1974 and there was an assumption that if you saw someone out and about looking for a tryst they were single. Really bad assumption.

    So it was really pretty simple. I started asking guys that were interested or showed some sign of reciprocal interest this, "Are you single?"

    It sure made things a whole lot easier. If they lied it showed how shitty they were, and had zero to do with me being foolish or unlovable. Although my brain certainly tried to find fault with me, lol!

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2010 4:51 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. I feel better.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jun 07, 2010 5:02 PM GMT
    As many of the "Gentle Readers" know here at RJ, I too have recently learned after a few bad experiences with non-single men that you need to ask upfront if they are single. Of course, if they lie, it really doesn't help but at least you've covered your bases.

    I've even been schooled on how to ask so it doesn't sound like they are taking an SAT test. Near the beginning of a conversation where you are actually finding interest in the other guy state: "You're an interesting guy. Are you single?"

    Oh yes, and don't go by a friend's information. I was told by a sincere and honest friend that a guy I was interested in was "single". Unfortunately my friend's information was incorrect.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jun 07, 2010 5:34 PM GMT
    Oh yeah, and I don't think it is really out of selfishness to have an open relationship. Perhaps greed.