Are there any feminine characteristics in men which are "good"?

  • seven_deadly_...

    Posts: 104

    Jun 07, 2010 8:32 PM GMT
    It seems there are many gay men who are only romantically/sexually attracted to men who are completely masculine (or, to use the common vernacular, straight-acting). Or maybe it's more precise to say that it seems there are a lot of threads espousing this notion.

    This got me thinking - aren't there any characteristics which would traditionally be considered feminine and which are also desirable in a male partner?

    For instance - traditionally, I'd say being a good listener and empathetic would be considered a feminine characteristic. Isn't that something we ALL want in our boyfriends/partners? Certainly, there must be other "feminine" characteristics which we desire our partners to have, right?

    If the answer is "yes", then what do guys really mean when they say they want a completely masculine boyfriend/partner?

    Personally, I think that masculinity falls on a continuum and, in general, the only time I'm uncomfortable around people is when they're at the very outer edges of that continuum (either masculine or feminine). In such cases, I sometimes get the feeling the person is playing a role rather than being themselves.
  • Daniepwils

    Posts: 151

    Jun 07, 2010 8:33 PM GMT
    housework? (lol kidding)
    clothing (picking out, etc.)
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    Jun 07, 2010 8:36 PM GMT
    Marlboro man doing flower arrangement is very endearing.
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    Jun 07, 2010 8:39 PM GMT
    i think masculinity is pretty overrated in general. it's definitely nowhere near as durable as feminity. macuslinity is always under the threat of crumbling to pieces the moment it doesn't assert/prove itself. feminity doesn't have to do that. although masculine primary and secondary traits are sexually attractive, if you cannot connect to others beyond the physical you aren't much of a catch.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Jun 07, 2010 11:21 PM GMT
    dancerjack saidi think masculinity is pretty overrated in general. it's definitely nowhere near as durable as feminity. macuslinity is always under the threat of crumbling to pieces the moment it doesn't assert/prove itself. feminity doesn't have to do that. although masculine primary and secondary traits are sexually attractive, if you cannot connect to others beyond the physical you aren't much of a catch.



    Agreed, but I think the fragility of masculinity is a social construct. Well... obviously... considering masculinity and feminity are social constructs to begin with.

    In my opinion, the best way to avoid such issues is to act as a person, without regard to masculine/feminine dichotomies. Nobody exists entirely in either realm anyways, and considering definitions vary from person to person, there's no way to be truly "masculine" or truly "feminine."

    To the OP: I think the idea of wanting a "masculine" boyfriend is a slippery subject. Masculinity, to me, is defeated if you someone needs to have a "masculine" boyfriend to begin with. The general idea of masculinity being powerful and therefore sexually attractive usually stems from a desire to be protected, which wouldn't be necessary if the initial person was "masculine" themselves.

    I think there are plenty of "feminine" traits that are desirable in a boyfriend. Personally, I just don't know which ones are considered "feminine" and which ones are considered "human," since oddly enough, masculinity generally sets itself against one of the two. Human emotion isn't celebrated by traditional masculinity for some reason, yet I don't think emotion is a feminine trait at all.

    I think when someone says "I only date masculine men," they have their own construct of what masculinity is. It doesn't necessarily coincide with traditional masculinity or anyone elses idea of masculinity, either. I guess its really just a lack of descriptive detail, assuming that everyone will know what they mean by it.
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    Jun 07, 2010 11:33 PM GMT
    It bothers me that being a good listener is considered feminine and being assertive is masculine. Honestly, it couldn't be further from the truth. Probably the most masculine guy I know is one of the best listeners I've ever met. There are loads of girls I know that are cool collected and assertive. It seems like a whole lot of bullshit to me.

    Now, I think certain things are associated with femininity in gays that shouldn't be... for example shallow, self obsessed, loud and obnoxious. Not the case.
    On the flip side, some things are associated with masculinity which is also bullshit... self loathing, plain, and generally being dumb.

    Just seems like there is so much fucking grey area in between that no one should defend or side with one or the other.