I've been robbed!!!

  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jun 09, 2010 4:53 AM GMT
    I'm moving from NV to OH in 17 days. I'm crashing w/ my best friend who is pretty much a brother to me. He just met a very pretty girl 2 mo ago and he has been spending all his time w/ her. I've pretty much lost all contact w/ my best friend. I'm happy for him but at the same time I'm pissed. I like the chick but she'll still be here in 3 weeks and I wont. Out of respect for him I'm not pressuring him to hang w/ me before I leave. However, I can't help but feel bitter discontent towards his gf. Should I just be happy for him and get over the fact that this is how my last few weeks w/ my closest friend will be spent?icon_redface.gif
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    Jun 09, 2010 5:20 AM GMT
    Your feelings are nothing new on the planet. Admittedly, the first thing that comes to mind is John Lennon, Paul McCartney and Yoko Ono. Remember your last relationship? Remember the newness of it and how the guy was for a few weeks the center of your universe? She is that to him and there is nothing wrong with that. I can't tell you how to feel or what to do, but if I were in your shoes (and I have been), I would take him aside and ask him to set aside some time for the two of you and as a gesture towards his relationship, maybe the three of you go out for one last hurrah. He is still your best friend. Just recognize that you both are entering new chapters of your lives. And isn't that the main thing? The journey and who we share it with. Be happy for him as a best friend should be as I am sure he is happy for you as you move on.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jun 09, 2010 7:06 AM GMT
    There's a pussy whip rule in the heterosexual world, that says, when a man falls in love with a girl, he must give up all of his friends and devote all of his time to doing whatever it takes to make her happy.

    It isn't fair, but you learned a valuable lesson.

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    Jun 09, 2010 7:32 AM GMT
    CarbGoggles saidI'm moving from NV to OH in 17 days. I'm crashing w/ my best friend who is pretty much a brother to me. He just met a very pretty girl 2 mo ago and he has been spending all his time w/ her. I've pretty much lost all contact w/ my best friend. I'm happy for him but at the same time I'm pissed. I like the chick but she'll still be here in 3 weeks and I wont. Out of respect for him I'm not pressuring him to hang w/ me before I leave. However, I can't help but feel bitter discontent towards his gf. Should I just be happy for him and get over the fact that this is how my last few weeks w/ my closest friend will be spent?icon_redface.gif


    OFF WITH THE CUNT'S HEAD!
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    Jun 09, 2010 7:33 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidThere's a pussy whip rule in the heterosexual world, that says, when a man falls in love with a girl, he must give up all of his friends and devote all of his time to doing whatever it takes to make her happy.

    It isn't fair, but you learned a valuable lesson.



    Something like a gay rule too.....
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    Jun 09, 2010 8:15 AM GMT
    Just tell him that you want to spend a little time with him before you leave,but don't expect it to be everyday before you leave.


    I thought there was a rule in the hetero world too, called " BROS BEFORE HOS?"

    lol jk.
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    Jun 09, 2010 8:41 AM GMT
    Suck it up. He'll share with his girlfriend any concerns you express to him, and if she's a normal female, she'll get a little territorial. You don't want her bad-talking you or even just trying to one-up you.

    You're basically powerless against their puppy love, while it's in effect. Right now you're the only one feeling resentment, but if you complain too much it could be your friend and his girlfriend feeling resentment too. You're gonna have to rip off the band-aid when you move, regardless, so it might just be earlier than you wanted. Might as well keep your friend's feelings of goodwill coming your way even if he's not giving you the time you deserve.
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    Jun 09, 2010 11:56 AM GMT
    CarbGoggles said...Should I just be happy for him and get over the fact that this is how my last few weeks w/ my closest friend will be spent?icon_redface.gif

    You're a victim of bad timing. Aside from wanting to be around her out of pleasure, your friend may feel he NEEDS to be with her a lot, to guard his "catch" from poachers, and to maintain & cultivate her interest. He may feel this is his critical window of opportunity to "court" her and win her over.

    Whereas from his perspective, you two guys are already friends, already have a solid relationship, so he sees the priority here in the reverse of how you see it. He may not like it himself, but he doesn't wanna lose her, whereas he may feel he can't lose you as a friend. And since you are in fact moving away, leaving him without your company, and she's the one presumably staying, he wants to invest in his future, not his past alone.

    Or else, she's a jealous, manipulative bitch who's pulling his strings at your expense, and you should tell your friend lies that you saw her working the Vegas Strip when not with him, so he'll dump her and you'll have your 17 days with him. icon_twisted.gif

    Seriously, you've had his friendship all this time, and you are indeed moving away; what's 17 days more or less? And I presume you guys were just buds, not lovers yourselves, and it's hard to compete against romance. No, it's time to call in the next squad to take the playing field, while you hit the showers; game's over for you.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 09, 2010 12:30 PM GMT
    Try and not resent the new girlfriend. Not sure how long its been since your friend has been involved with someone, but if its been a little while, he may well feel he's found "the one".

    I'd talk to him and let him you really want to spend a little time with him. Tell him he's your best friend and that it may be some time before you get to see him again. If I was in his position, I certainly would try and spend time with both you and she. Be reasonable, grounded and tactful with everything you do. Don't get all dramafied. You haven't been "robbed", he's a straight guy and he's probably in love.... That said, he does owe you some time. If he ignores your request or makes no effort, I'd suggest you develop a new best friend after you move.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jun 09, 2010 12:33 PM GMT
    I understand the bros before hoes thing, but if you sever your relationship with your best friend, it's you doing the robbing.
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    Jun 09, 2010 12:35 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidThere's a pussy whip rule in the heterosexual world, that says, when a man falls in love with a girl, he must give up all of his friends and devote all of his time to doing whatever it takes to make her happy.

    It isn't fair, but you learned a valuable lesson.



    You're right on the money...

    Been there!

    And people wonder why I don't like girls??!!! icon_evil.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jun 09, 2010 12:35 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidThere's a pussy whip rule in the heterosexual world, that says, when a man falls in love with a girl, he must give up all of his friends and devote all of his time to doing whatever it takes to make her happy.

    It isn't fair, but you learned a valuable lesson.



    I knew a guy who acted like that. He was the one closing off all of the outside world. In that case, it was just weird. The funny thing is that his girlfriend of that time and I are very close friends after all these years.
  • neosyllogy

    Posts: 1714

    Jun 09, 2010 12:47 PM GMT
    I suggest bonding over a threesome.
    Manifest a little love to all the solve the world's ills.
    Next problem!
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    Jun 09, 2010 12:55 PM GMT
    CarbGoggles saidI'm moving from NV to OH in 17 days. I'm crashing w/ my best friend who is pretty much a brother to me. He just met a very pretty girl 2 mo ago and he has been spending all his time w/ her. I've pretty much lost all contact w/ my best friend. I'm happy for him but at the same time I'm pissed. I like the chick but she'll still be here in 3 weeks and I wont. Out of respect for him I'm not pressuring him to hang w/ me before I leave. However, I can't help but feel bitter discontent towards his gf. Should I just be happy for him and get over the fact that this is how my last few weeks w/ my closest friend will be spent?icon_redface.gif


    Yep, I think you should, because he did a huge thing for you. You're staying at his place. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

    PS: my fav: good friends are like stars, you don't always see them, but they're still there.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jun 09, 2010 1:57 PM GMT
    Lenoxx saidJust tell him that you want to spend a little time with him before you leave,but don't expect it to be everyday before you leave.


    I thought there was a rule in the hetero world too, called " BROS BEFORE HOS?"

    lol jk.

    I was gonna throw that in his face actually lol
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jun 09, 2010 2:17 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidTry and not resent the new girlfriend. Not sure how long its been since your friend has been involved with someone, but if its been a little while, he may well feel he's found "the one".

    I'd talk to him and let him you really want to spend a little time with him. Tell him he's your best friend and that it may be some time before you get to see him again. If I was in his position, I certainly would try and spend time with both you and she. Be reasonable, grounded and tactful with everything you do. Don't get all dramafied. You haven't been "robbed", he's a straight guy and he's probably in love.... That said, he does owe you some time. If he ignores your request or makes no effort, I'd suggest you develop a new best friend after you move.


    It has been over 2 years since he has been in a legit relationship and this chick is a stone cold fox. I really am happy for him but this is really shitty timing for sure.

    Dramafied? Develop a new best friend? Have you never had a friend that you cared about enough to call your brother? Friendships like this are rare. Robbed is exactly what is going on. His gf knows I'm leaving soon and she knows how close of friends he and I are. However she continues to monopolize all his free time. Chris is only the 2nd friends in my 30 yrs of life that I cared about enough to call my brother. Now that I think of it a girl cost me my first truly best friend as well... Hmmmm perhaps a thread on the threat of women or a reminder of the bros before hoes rule... Gonna have to think about this one.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jun 09, 2010 2:18 PM GMT
    coolarmydude saidI understand the bros before hoes thing, but if you sever your relationship with your best friend, it's you doing the robbing.

    Nah dude I wouldn't forgive myself if I cost him this relationship. Like I said out of respect for him I'm not butting in but trust me it's not easy for me to let go.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jun 09, 2010 2:23 PM GMT
    Wilton said
    CarbGoggles said...Should I just be happy for him and get over the fact that this is how my last few weeks w/ my closest friend will be spent?icon_redface.gif

    You're a victim of bad timing. Aside from wanting to be around her out of pleasure, your friend may feel he NEEDS to be with her a lot, to guard his "catch" from poachers, and to maintain & cultivate her interest. He may feel this is his critical window of opportunity to "court" her and win her over.

    Whereas from his perspective, you two guys are already friends, already have a solid relationship, so he sees the priority here in the reverse of how you see it. He may not like it himself, but he doesn't wanna lose her, whereas he may feel he can't lose you as a friend. And since you are in fact moving away, leaving him without your company, and she's the one presumably staying, he wants to invest in his future, not his past alone.

    Or else, she's a jealous, manipulative bitch who's pulling his strings at your expense, and you should tell your friend lies that you saw her working the Vegas Strip when not with him, so he'll dump her and you'll have your 17 days with him. icon_twisted.gif

    Seriously, you've had his friendship all this time, and you are indeed moving away; what's 17 days more or less? And I presume you guys were just buds, not lovers yourselves, and it's hard to compete against romance. No, it's time to call in the next squad to take the playing field, while you hit the showers; game's over for you.

    Hahaha no def not lovers Chris and I. Like I said he is a brother to me. I'd equate it to deploying to a war zone and you're w/ a buddy every day for the entire deployment showers, meals, PT, PX everything for a year. You trust each other w/ your lives then you come back to the states and poof nothing. It feels like that. I'll def cherish the good times. Just sucks this is how they ended.
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jun 09, 2010 2:25 PM GMT
    slowcore saidSuck it up. He'll share with his girlfriend any concerns you express to him, and if she's a normal female, she'll get a little territorial. You don't want her bad-talking you or even just trying to one-up you.

    You're basically powerless against their puppy love, while it's in effect. Right now you're the only one feeling resentment, but if you complain too much it could be your friend and his girlfriend feeling resentment too. You're gonna have to rip off the band-aid when you move, regardless, so it might just be earlier than you wanted. Might as well keep your friend's feelings of goodwill coming your way even if he's not giving you the time you deserve.

    Yeah I hear you. I may have to take back all the stuff I bought him before I leave town though... LOL j/k I wouldn't do that. Maybe I'll just egg her car in this lovely 100+ Vegas heat lol.
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    Jun 09, 2010 2:33 PM GMT
    Egg her car? Hmmmm now that would look very interesting as you said in the Las Vegas heat!! Anyone got any pics of cooked eggs on a car?
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    Jun 09, 2010 2:40 PM GMT
    lol Carb, how would you feel if you fell head over heels in love with a guy and your best friend complained about it publicly on a forum that he was now second place?

    You're moving to another state. I hear your frustrations, but you know he loves you like a true buddy (hey he invited you into his home) and the distance you speak of isn't that huge, is it? icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jun 09, 2010 2:47 PM GMT
    meninlove said lol Carb, how would you feel if you fell head over heels in love with a guy and your best friend complained about it publicly on a forum that he was now second place?

    You're moving to another state. I hear your frustrations, but you know he loves you like a true buddy (hey he invited you into his home) and the distance you speak of isn't that huge, is it? icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

    He invited me to crash in his spare bedroom before she came along... It's about 31 hours or 2k miles so yeah I'm def not going to be meeting him for beers on our days off... As far as complaining on RJ... Neither of them is a member on here and it's not like I'm posting their faces or addresses so they are pretty safe lol. Anyway I'm headed to Valley of Fire National Park w/ other friends. I'm trying to spend time w/ all my friends before I leave because that's what friends do... Later.
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    Jun 09, 2010 3:23 PM GMT
    WiltonOr else, she's a jealous, manipulative bitch who's pulling his strings at your expense, and you should tell your friend lies that you saw her working the Vegas Strip when not with him, so he'll dump her and you'll have your 17 days with him.


    That was my situation with my best friend... we had been friends since 3rd grade, and then she swooped in. She was so jealous/monopolizing that whenever I hung out with him she either insisted that she come along or put a time-frame on how long he could be out or what he could do. Needless to say we haven't talked in years...

    I feel your pain.
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    Jun 09, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    file a police report!!!
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Jun 10, 2010 3:06 AM GMT
    tenebrulus said
    WiltonOr else, she's a jealous, manipulative bitch who's pulling his strings at your expense, and you should tell your friend lies that you saw her working the Vegas Strip when not with him, so he'll dump her and you'll have your 17 days with him.


    That was my situation with my best friend... we had been friends since 3rd grade, and then she swooped in. She was so jealous/monopolizing that whenever I hung out with him she either insisted that she come along or put a time-frame on how long he could be out or what he could do. Needless to say we haven't talked in years...

    I feel your pain.

    He has asked me a few times to go eat with just him and his gf and I declined. I told him I loathe being the 3rd wheel. He's like what...? You're not the third wheel... I'm like uhhhh it's you, her, and me... Yeah that makes me the third wheel. I don't know if she is pulling his strings or he is so GaGa for her that he forgot all about me. Honestly I'm pretty bitter about this to the point that I don't want to hang w/ him. It's that frustrating. Normally he and I will go on hikes, eat out, go to the gym and talk to each other about everything in our lives. I guess she is filling all those roles now. Except for the gym and hiking. Not to be mean but he is def putting on weight since he started dating her.