He left out one *minor* detail...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2010 9:08 PM GMT
    So, I went cruising on craigslist and after exchanging a few emails with this guy we decide to meet up. We meet at his place and we do what grown gay men do. After its all said and done, and I'm making my way out the door he says "I hope you don't mind when I say that I'm partnered. If you see me out, ignore me but I'll hit you up if I feel like playing again."

    Partnered? Um, MINOR EFFIN' DETAIL you left out buddy. I asked if it was an open relationship and he says no. I asked him why he wouldn't tell me something like that. He just shrugged and uttered 'foolishness.' I asked him if this was a good man he just cheated on and he says 'yes.' I feel terrible. I know we risk it by hooking up online and we never know what we're truly getting ourselves into but seriously, wtf. The last thing I wanna do is break a couple up if this guy ever finds out. I don't know what to do. A part of me wants to go back and confront this guys man and tell him how it went down but still I also feel like its not my place.

    Whatever the case, I won't be hooking up online anymore. If this guy wasn't honest enough to tell me he was partnered, what else could he be lying about?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2010 9:13 PM GMT
    I would begin to doubt the type of person he was for hooking up with someone randomly online to begin with. That's just me, though. Not everyone sees it that way icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2010 9:34 PM GMT
    GetUpAndGo saidIf this guy wasn't honest enough to tell me he was partnered, what else could he be lying about?
    I have this sneaky feeling I can read your mind concerning the answer to this question.

    In other news: Hooking up online - successfully - requires intuition. That intuition is usually gained from experience...bad experiences, to be more precise. It's much better to talk with the person(s) you're interested in first, then make your decision whether or not to hookup. Then it won't be just a random hookup, but rather a "first date" with someone you already know a little bit about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 10, 2010 9:43 PM GMT
    You're probably not the first guy he's cheated with, or the last. If you're just meeting someone for a hookup, it seems safe to assume they're lying about something.
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    Jun 10, 2010 9:46 PM GMT
    what were you expecting,its craigslist
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 2:46 AM GMT
    GetUpAndGo> The last thing I wanna do is break a couple up if this guy ever finds out.

    It wouldn't be you who is breaking up the couple but the cheater.
    (If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 2:49 AM GMT
    Exactly, it's craigslist. Should you expect some amazing man on the other end? Obviously, he's emotionally unavailable if he's looking for sex on the internet.

    I really, really think that telling his partner would be an amazing thing to do! It's hard to not get in the middle, but I was in a similar situation. No one said a word to me until I happened to open my partner's computer.

    I was stunned to find out that he 1) was using a fake name, but sending his pictures out to random guys on craigslist, adam4adam, manhunt, joined phoenixsexparty.com, and who knows what else 2) Giving out our home address where we lived (using phrases of "discreet", "I have a gf", "I'm only available until x time") 3) giving out his cell phone number 4) giving out his work address for the many days that he was the only one in his office.

    So, this had gone on for 11 months before I just happened to find the email account. I confronted him. His response, "I was only on those sites because I wanted to double check and make sure you weren't on the sites too. I swear on my own mother that I never did anything with anyone of those men."

    Well, needless to say we aren't together (Plus, I kind of think that shows low character having to swear on your mother). I really wish I would've found out sooner. I wish someone would have the decency to tell me about it, but it's all done.

    This is what you are going to find on craigslist or any other hookup site. If that's what you want; Have at it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 3:15 AM GMT
    This just in…

    Men will lie to get laid.

    I’m mostly curious, why you created a profile just to post this?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 3:38 AM GMT
    I have had similar experiences.....and find it most troubling.....
    I have had it happen where "mr wonderful" was a "BI" guy..and .an AWESOME LAY! and then tells me that he is married and has kids, etc......and she has no clue....have also had it happen where "superman" admitts after we've done the deed, that his partner is actually "out of town" for the week and he was "feeling lonely and horney".....In both cases I just had some of the BEST SEX OF MY LIFE and are then crushed and left feeling cheated, cheap, angry, hurt, confused, etc....I even ask the questions up front and directly..."are you married or partnered?" along with the other "health questions"....and they still lie and then tell after the fact.....what else did he lie about that he HASN'T told me about?...AIDS?....or some other STD? Sadly, MANY guys are liars...protect yourself at all turns...drop Craidslist and go to something safe ...like A4A or MANHUNT...LOL!

    experience is the great teacher......good luck!icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 4:33 AM GMT
    A similar story: met the guy online and arranged to trick at his place. I was too eager to ask very many questions, he wasn't giving much info, and on this 1990s gay site most guys didn't put much in their profiles, which were just bare-bones anyway.

    So I get to his place, and we made out on the sofa until we decided to move it into the bedroom. I collected my clothes first and started down the hallway he indicated, heading for this open double-door at the end that revealed a lovely king-sized bed right out of a decorating magazine. But then I heard his voice right behind me:

    "Not in there, that's ours, I can't have sex with someone else in that bed. In here." He gestured toward another hall doorway into a guest bedroom.

    And I'm thinking: "You have a partner??? That you're evidently cheating on? But it's OK if it's not in the bed you share? And this is how I find out, as we're about to have sex? So I guess I don't rate high enough for the master bedroom? And what if he comes home right now?"

    I actually did ask him that last question, and he assured me his partner was out of town on business. Ah... while the cat's away...

    Well, I suppose a more principaled person would have bailed at that point, for the deception and for being used solely for cheating sex, no future in this guy for me. But my still-hard dick pointed the way into that guest room more persuasively than his hand did, so you know which head had taken over my decision making duties at that moment. The sex, BTW, was really great.

    I even saw him again, but his partner left him within a few months, and the guy himself took a job in another state, any long-term issues I might have faced with continuing this arrangement becoming moot.

    I never got into a cheating scenario again, having decided that it wasn't for me. And learning that some guys will consider anything about themselves a minor detail to be withheld or downplayed, if their major goal is getting you into bed with them. I think women already know about that common male tactic, just surprising that we gays often haven't gotten that memo as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 8:42 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidThis just in…

    Men will lie to get laid.

    I’m mostly curious, why you created a profile just to post this?

    probably to get opinions from gay ones
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 8:50 PM GMT
    If its of any solace, as others have mentioned, you probably arent the first or last person he cheated on his partner with.

    Really, there's no reason for him to tell you this. Most likely he's telling you because he wants you to share his guilt with you.... that isnt your fault. I guess next time... ask: HIV status, single, and whatever else that's important to you.

    All you can do is learn from your experiences and live your life better by them. You aren't at fault...

    Wilton's story is a perfect example of this.... he did it... didnt like it... and that was that.
  • DanielQQ

    Posts: 365

    Jun 11, 2010 8:55 PM GMT
    sounds like you don't enjoy hooking up with guys who are cheating on their partners. next time, when you're arranging a random hookup from the internet, why not ask: "btw, are you single? i don't wanna hook up with you unless you are single."

    he could lie to you, of course, but i find most guys who are hiding that won't actually deny it if you come out and ask
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    Jun 11, 2010 8:57 PM GMT
    Sorry but I've seen such things time and time agin. you hear we are i a monogamous relationship, knowing dame well you have had one of them hit on you, and if the other found out, it would be all your fault too. I have come to learn their is no such thing a monogamy in the gay world, thus accept the practice of polygamy. Action speak louder than words.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 9:00 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    In other news: Hooking up online - successfully - requires intuition. That intuition is usually gained from experience...bad experiences, to be more precise. It's much better to talk with the person(s) you're interested in first, then make your decision whether or not to hookup. Then it won't be just a random hookup, but rather a "first date" with someone you already know a little bit about.


    This... I am very "lucky" because I am intuitive and stubborn. I have very basic ground rules and I NEVER break them. I don´t actually meet that many people, but I go with my gut feelings and on the rare times I argue myself out of my intuition I regret it.

    For OP: put him behind you. In the future ask up front.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 9:04 PM GMT
    to OP ...it happens...if there is a hell for gay men that wreck homes im sure you wont go there as you had no clue he was attached..dont beat yourself up over it...but pity the guy that hes with....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 9:19 PM GMT
    Um, it's a one night stand.........source: Craig's List. If you were looking for a Rolls Royce - you wouldn't look for it on Craig's LIst. If you wanted a cheap Plymouth to use for only an hour - Craig's List is your source. Now you're upset because the "car" didn't have a clear title. Well, what did you expect?

    Shop better places, if you want a better or higher quality product.

    icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 9:20 PM GMT
    GetUpAndGo saidSo, I went cruising on craigslist and after exchanging a few emails with this guy we decide to meet up. We meet at his place and we do what grown gay men do. After its all said and done, and I'm making my way out the door he says "I hope you don't mind when I say that I'm partnered. If you see me out, ignore me but I'll hit you up if I feel like playing again."

    Partnered? Um, MINOR EFFIN' DETAIL you left out buddy. I asked if it was an open relationship and he says no. I asked him why he wouldn't tell me something like that. He just shrugged and uttered 'foolishness.' I asked him if this was a good man he just cheated on and he says 'yes.' I feel terrible. I know we risk it by hooking up online and we never know what we're truly getting ourselves into but seriously, wtf. The last thing I wanna do is break a couple up if this guy ever finds out. I don't know what to do. A part of me wants to go back and confront this guys man and tell him how it went down but still I also feel like its not my place.

    Whatever the case, I won't be hooking up online anymore. If this guy wasn't honest enough to tell me he was partnered, what else could he be lying about?


    ROFL, the stories of the picture-less, and the folks they hang with. What can ya' say? Pot meet kettle.

    Not all gay men are incapable of being something other than nymphos.

    If you don't like what you see, change it.
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    Jun 11, 2010 9:24 PM GMT
    ZbmwM5 said

    Really, there's no reason for him to tell you this. Most likely he's telling you because he wants you to share his guilt with you.... that isnt your fault. I guess next time... ask: HIV status, single, and whatever else that's important to you.



    The guy did not confess over guilt. He is just concerned that the OP might approach him while he is hanging out with his partner in a social scenario.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Jun 11, 2010 9:27 PM GMT
    You know People die from using Craigslist icon_rolleyes.gif
  • njnick

    Posts: 167

    Jun 11, 2010 9:31 PM GMT
    DanielQQ saidsounds like you don't enjoy hooking up with guys who are cheating on their partners. next time, when you're arranging a random hookup from the internet, why not ask: "btw, are you single? i don't wanna hook up with you unless you are single."

    he could lie to you, of course, but i find most guys who are hiding that won't actually deny it if you come out and ask


    Daniel seems very smart......

    There are a lot of things that you have to look out for being someone who's in the market to hook up. You have to ask all the 'dealbreaker' questions. 'are you single?' .... 'are you hiv positive?' ..... 'are you republican?'

    When a guy is horny he'll leave out whatever details necessary to get laid - but it takes a lower life form to actually lie when asked....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 9:36 PM GMT
    Take it for what it was. If you really wanted relationship potential, he obviously wasn't it anyway. I have met the nicest guys under strange circumstances, the skankiest guys at the nicest places, and a couple guys that I am fairly sure broke out of a mental institution, but they were wearing Prade and had really nice ass's, so,...
    Good game, good fuck, next please...
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Jun 11, 2010 9:36 PM GMT
    You were not the first guy he used and you will not be the last guy he uses to cheat on his man.
    The only control you have is whether or not you allow yourself to be used that way again.
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    Jun 11, 2010 10:09 PM GMT
    this happened to me once, only it was a date, not a hookup. a very good date too. i was really into the guy and we started kissing as he was leaving and he said not to worry his bf wasn't the jealous type and he'd love to see me again. i assumed since he was interested in a date that he was single. i don't make that assumption anymore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 11, 2010 10:13 PM GMT
    Space_Cowboy_89 saidYou know People die from using Craigslist icon_rolleyes.gif


    statement of the day lol