He's Ready I'm Hesitant

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  Jun 12, 2010 12:18 PM GMT

  The guy I'm dating self admits that he was a whore earlier. I get it and I don't hold it against him.He says, that he wants to be in a deep commited relationship which is what I want as well. Where things start breaking down is that he is pushing for sex already and we have only been on 2 dates. I'm hesitant to sleep with him because of his past. I'm not talking about diseases or anything, I just don't want to be another fuck to him. So I've turned him down at least twice. I feel as though it's starting to drive a wedge between us and I don't want to lose him yet.
  
  So what do you think I should do? Just have sex and see what happens? Should I talk more in detail about everything at the risk of losing him?

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  Jun 12, 2010 1:23 PM GMT

  Stick to your guns! Your gut is telling you that you are not ready for sex with him, because you think that is all he is after. I think, your intuition is right on. You've been on only 2 dates with him and had to turn down his sexual advances twice.
  
  If he is really interested in you, not just the sex with you, then he'll wait until you are ready.
  
  Of course it would be really interesting, if you told him about your reservations and asked him point blank what he wants...

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  Jun 12, 2010 7:25 PM GMT

  I've asked him candidly how important sex was to him and at first he was saying that it wasn't too important and then he kinda turned the conversation around to "If my needs aren't getting satisfied then I might feel as though I'm wasting my time". I don't know I kinda want to slap him and say, ''Hey sex can complicate things and maybe that's what went wrong in your last relationships'' but then I would be a bitch and probably get dumped.

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  Jun 13, 2010 2:57 AM GMT

  If after only two dates he's already talking about his needs not being met and his time being wasted, I'd say you've got trouble on your hands.

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  Jun 13, 2010 7:19 AM GMT

  
  
  Ummmmmm It seems that there is already a wedge. He's not respecting your boundaries. If he really wanted a relationship he would want to wrk on listening to your needs and how that reinforces commitment in building what he says he wants a RELATIONSHIP. cut your losses before your in too deep.

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  Jun 13, 2010 7:46 AM GMT

  Eh. I know you're into him and all, but it sounds from your posts that he's mostly into him. A relationship is about give and take, not give and give. What's more, me personally, I'm not into mind games. I just tell people straight up what I'm thinking, especially if they ask.
  
  I'm a big believer in trusting my instincts.
  
  Whatever ya do, good luck.

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  Jun 13, 2010 8:36 AM GMT

  ddrfeat said...
  Where things start breaking down is that he is pushing for sex already and we have only been on 2 dates.
  ...

  Two dates and still haven't had sex? And you're dating a self-admitted "former" ho? My crystal balls say that relationship won't last long.

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  Jun 14, 2010 6:39 PM GMT

  paulflexes said

  ddrfeat said...
  Where things start breaking down is that he is pushing for sex already and we have only been on 2 dates.
  ...

  Two dates and still haven't had sex? And you're dating a self-admitted "former" ho? My crystal balls say that relationship won't last long.

  
  This.
  
  Times 2.
  
  
  Even if he's dreamy, you're going to have to find someone else.

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  Jun 14, 2010 6:47 PM GMT

  hmmm run..run as far away from him as you can.

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• comical44
  
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  Jun 14, 2010 6:50 PM GMT

  I would say follow what you really feel....If your not ready then your not and plus you have only been on 2 dates so it seems to be still early in the relationship so I dont blame you for not wanting to jump into sex. You should get to know each other more before you have sex and let feelings and emotions develop because it will probably be so much better. I would talk to him in depth about what your feeling and make sure hes not just a little hoebag because it seems like thats all thats out there.
  
  

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• mtneerman
  
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  Jun 14, 2010 7:27 PM GMT

  ddrfeat saidI've asked him candidly how important sex was to him and at first he was saying that it wasn't too important and then he kinda turned the conversation around to "If my needs aren't getting satisfied then I might feel as though I'm wasting my time". I don't know I kinda want to slap him and say, ''Hey sex can complicate things and maybe that's what went wrong in your last relationships'' but then I would be a bitch and probably get dumped.

  
  
  to make a statement like this on a second date shows that his needs are what's most important to him. personally it would be enough for me to make sure there wasn't a third date.

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  Jun 14, 2010 7:43 PM GMT

  If you don't want to have sex...then don't. If you feel that you do then go for it because you can never predict the outcome of things like this.

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• mybud
  
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  Jun 14, 2010 7:43 PM GMT

  ddrfeat saidThe guy I'm dating self admits that he was a whore earlier. I get it and I don't hold it against him.He says, that he wants to be in a deep commited relationship which is what I want as well. Where things start breaking down is that he is pushing for sex already and we have only been on 2 dates. I'm hesitant to sleep with him because of his past. I'm not talking about diseases or anything, I just don't want to be another fuck to him. So I've turned him down at least twice. I feel as though it's starting to drive a wedge between us and I don't want to lose him yet.
  
  So what do you think I should do? Just have sex and see what happens? Should I talk more in detail about everything at the risk of losing him?

  
  
  
  Dude....Sex shouldn't be pushed...it should be like....breathing....if it's forced....love and respect aren't there.....My advice....dump him like a 3 pound turd....it hurts while your doing it...but you will so feel better later.....BUD

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  Jun 14, 2010 7:54 PM GMT

  ddrfeat"If my needs aren't getting satisfied then I might feel as though I'm wasting my time"

  
  
  There's your red flag, buddy. I'd dump him in a heartbeat for saying that. It seems like he's more interested in appeasing his own sexual appetite.
  
  If you respect yourself and want your relationship to elevate, you'd tell him exactly what's on your mind. Don't worry about losing him, you're a cute guy. I'm sure there'll be plenty of guys who will treat you way better than this.

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• Timbales
  
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  Jun 14, 2010 7:59 PM GMT

  unfounded7 saidIf after only two dates he's already talking about his needs not being met and his time being wasted, I'd say you've got trouble on your hands.

  
  
  Yeah, I've got to agree.
  
  If someone is expecting someone else to fulfill all their needs on demand, they aren't monogamous relationship material, imo.

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