Did Your Mom Ask "When are You Going to Find a Girlfriend?"

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    Jun 12, 2010 7:33 PM GMT
    Did your mother ask you this question when you were in the closet? How did you respond?

    My mother has been asking me this for a couple of years now and it's starting to get annoying. I'm never sure what to say and I don't say anything or change the subject. Hasn't she figured it out by now? I've never dated and I'm 24. I don't know if she's doing this to try to get me to come out or if she really doesn't know.
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    Jun 12, 2010 7:45 PM GMT
    Yeah, I told her "never, because I enjoy being single."
    That worked 'till her & my dad caught me in the act with another guy. icon_eek.gif
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    Jun 12, 2010 7:48 PM GMT
    Ehanson saidDid your mother ask you this question when you were in the closet? How did you respond?

    My mother has been asking me this for a couple of years now and It's starting to get annoying. I'm never sure what to say and I don't say anything or change the subject. Hasn't she figured it out by now? I've never dated and I'm 24. I don't know if she's doing this to try to get me to come out or if she really doesn't know.


    For a start one can answer: "I really don't have any chemistry with women." To which she will hopefully reply: "You mean you have chemistry with men?" To which one can reply: "Yes, I think that is the case", or, "Yes, I like men."

    Dating is great. It gets the hormones raging and begins one's interactive sexual life.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jun 12, 2010 7:51 PM GMT
    nahhh....she never did.

    after i dated the same girl thru 3 years of college, then didn't ever date another girl; i guess she gave up on having grandchildren from me!

    i suspect mom "knew" even before i did.

    although she's never asked me point blank about being gay...icon_cool.gif
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    Jun 12, 2010 7:53 PM GMT
    Tell her, get it over with.
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jun 12, 2010 11:05 PM GMT
    Never,
    but i had an uncle ask me that while i was in high school, of course his sons [also in high school] were fathers by then and somehow in his twisted mind he thought that was a good thing...I responded ' no,but i took 1st place in the states science fair''...he had no response....
    His sons' now have about 8 kids each with 8 different baby mamas', and he has the nerve to ask me to help his sons get a job at my place of employment.icon_eek.gif He must be crazy if he thinks i'm gonna get these loosers a job anywhere near me....icon_exclaim.gif
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    Jun 12, 2010 11:53 PM GMT
    rnch saidi suspect mom "knew" even before i did.

    Both my parents suspected, and even discussed it with my younger sister when I was 20 and had joined the US Army. They were afraid I'd get into trouble if the other soldiers thought I was gay.

    They were both always asking me when I was gonna meet a nice girl. So at 26 I went on my first date ever, and got married at 29 just to please them and give them grandkids. What a disaster that was! icon_razz.gif

    We never did discuss my being gay. My sister told me all this after our mother had died, and our father was terminally ill, when I was 48 and already out for a couple of years (except to family). I listened to her in amazement, but wouldn't confirm I was indeed gay, knowing she's a right-wing homophobe, likely to have told our dying father that his suspicions were true, to get him to change his will and disinherit me in her favor. He didn't, and we maintained our own "don't ask, don't tell" policy until his death.
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    Jun 13, 2010 12:00 AM GMT
    Yes, my mother asked me this question. I told her I didn't know when it would happen. After I came out to her, she quit asking.
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    Jun 13, 2010 12:08 AM GMT
    My grandparents would ask this question and before I was out to them, I would always laugh and tell them I didn't have the time for a girlfriend what with my studies and the work and living in a big city (I grew up near them in a village)

    I never really came out to them, but after I started bringing my boyfriend home with me, word must have gotten around and when they met him on the next big family-celebration it wasn't an issue at all. I think they liked him better than my brother's girlfriend of now over 20 years.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 13, 2010 11:49 AM GMT
    My mother never asked. When I finally did come out, she told me she'd known I was gay since I was 4.
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    Jun 13, 2010 12:06 PM GMT
    Ehanson saidDid your mother ask you this question when you were in the closet? How did you respond?

    This is the kind of question parents ask when they've already figured out the answer. After all, who else has had 20+ years to observe your character develop? She's just trying to help you out by saying, in effect, "Isn't there something you'd like to tell me, dear?"
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    Jun 13, 2010 12:07 PM GMT
    Ehanson saidDid your mother ask you this question when you were in the closet? How did you respond?

    My mother has been asking me this for a couple of years now and it's starting to get annoying. I'm never sure what to say and I don't say anything or change the subject. Hasn't she figured it out by now? I've never dated and I'm 24. I don't know if she's doing this to try to get me to come out or if she really doesn't know.


    Yes, every other week. My Grandma keeps nagging me I should bring my girlfriend to visit her. Just told her if I would I´d be single afterwardsicon_biggrin.gif
    I´ll tell my parents I´m only aiming for one night stands with girls so that´s the reason I don´t have a girlfriendicon_biggrin.gif
    When I am moving out to start working in another city and hopefully find a bf I tell them: "....no, but I´d be to introduce you to my bf"icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 13, 2010 4:34 PM GMT
    When I saw that topic I smiled. It reminded me of teen years when both of my parents kept asking that question especially when both my sisters (one younger and older) had boyfriends. I kept making excuses etc. That was one of the hardest questions for me and I eventually ran out of excuses.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Jun 13, 2010 5:09 PM GMT
    Hahaha... my mother has been asking me when am I going to get married and have kids. Sometimes it's not so direct, but definitely implied - and yes, it irritates the living hell out of me. Partly because she brings it up constantly, and partly because I know she will not take the news well. My family is notoriously anti-gay on everything, or has been in the past.

    I have been really vocal in my support of LGBT rights over the past two years, and that may be the reason they've started to be a little more lenient on "the gays" from 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' to gay marriage. I think on some level they suspect because I have never really dated anyone, and I have never gone out of my way to introduce them to anyone I have "dated." My sister calls me a "closeted homo," and my response to her is that she is "closeted les." I could find a man and woman easier than she could. She has not dated men in a while, and is so damn picky that she isn't even in reality.

    My brother told me two weeks ago that "no woman would ever marry me"... so I think he probably knows too. My parents are the ones that don't say anything like that, but do 'egg on' the getting married question.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 13, 2010 5:20 PM GMT
    i came out pretty young, so no
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    Jun 13, 2010 8:43 PM GMT
    As young as I am, my mom made references to it when I was still in high school. Even to this day, after I've come out to her multiple times, she still holds on to that little bit of hope. I think she's slowly coming around though.
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    Jun 13, 2010 10:46 PM GMT
    Yes, My mother still asks. I tell her that I am too busy, I need to make sure that I have enough money for a wedding and a relationship because they are expensive, blah blah blah.

    She gets bored, and then asks me, "Did you go to church?"

    Good times.
  • rafiki87

    Posts: 331

    Jun 13, 2010 11:38 PM GMT
    Yeah, I still have that problem with my super conservative Catholic grandparents... I'm glad I have a continent plus and ocean between them and me!

    last time my grandma asked me that we played 21 questions... it started with "do you have a girlfriend?", then it went into "so there's absolutely no one attractive enough at your school?", then "are you butt ugly, is that why no girl would like to go out with you, it's ok to tell me that?", then "is she black; i won't tell your parents if you're seeing a black girl? (my grandma is kinda racist, i apologize), then "are you two just hooking up and don't want it to be official? just make sure you don't get her knocked up..."

    after a bazillion similar questions, i told her "abuela, i've told you all you need to know... i think you're smart enough to put it together"

    conversation stops... she then tells me she wants to talk to my mom. she comments on how rudely i answered her queries and my mom gets the same set of questions. she then warns her to keep an eye on me even though i live 3 hours away.

    my mom's met my bf by the way and she loves him like her own son. she plays along with the same lie and plays coy with my grandma the whole time

    gotta love having a foot in the closet... makes for very interesting drama
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    Jun 13, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
    I get that every now and again from Mum and some aunties at family gathering. I always say that I don't want one which is true.
  • Classyboy04

    Posts: 497

    Jun 14, 2010 12:01 AM GMT
    LOL yeah my whole family keeps asking me. I always answered "Im too broke to have a girlfriend" and then they leave it alone. LOLOL. I never came out yet to my folks but do bring guys around that I am seeing to the house to hang. I called them "my friends" but I do think my mom suspects...LOL If she does know, she is really cool not to bring it up unless I am ready 2 tell.
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    Jun 14, 2010 12:09 AM GMT
    i cheated icon_biggrin.gif,

    i told my brother who told my mom. she in turn was kinda mean about it. um, she never asked when i would find a GF but she did ask/say:

    "and i bet he's white too..."
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jun 14, 2010 1:01 AM GMT
    well not really my mom, but when I would go to family functions, the usual question ranged from "so, u gotta special someone you're seeing? icon_rolleyes.gif

    to "u have a girl friend now or what?"

    hated that fucking question . . . . . . .


    I had a standard reply that usually made them laugh and ease the tension of that awkward question. .

    "nah, im just playin the field right now. .

    People would usually respond "ahhh, thats a way....good for u" lol