wearing a plain gold 'wedding' band on pinky finger

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    Jun 12, 2010 10:53 PM GMT
    Today I took my father to lunch at a restaurant that my family has been going to since I was a kid. The occasion was double: 1- what would have been my parents 61 wedding anniversary (my mother died nearly 10 years ago) and 2- Father's Day next week. The lunch was enjoyable because of the memories of the past (my mother loved to go there with all of us) and the restaurant is nice with good food, spacious and amicable staff.

    In my family we still recognize some occasions even if one of the persons is dead. My parents were married for 51 years and they had a very successful strong marriage, I should only be so lucky to eventually have one like theirs. Just after my mother died nearly 10 years ago (from professional carelessness during an angioplasty) my father took the ring off her finger and put it on his. When they were married he had it inscribed with a dedication from him to her and the date. The ring was very meaningful to my father over the years that he has grieved her death.

    This past January my father underwent (very successful) double by-pass surgery (at the same hospital that my mother died) and before they rolled him off to the operating table he was told to remove his watch and ring. I took his ring and immediately put it on my finger, and when he was released from the hospital two weeks later I returned it to him. I was very glad to return it to him since it was important to him as a symbol of the love between him and my mother when they got married and reinforced the love they shared even after she died. During those two weeks that I wore the ring in January I had mixed feelings about the ring. I cherished it because of the symbolism to my parents and my memories of my mother wearing it. At the same time I wondered how it would affect my marketability as single gay man looking for a relationship. Would it turn guys off or on, make a difference or not. Would I be believed when I would answer and say that it's my parents' ring? At the time in January I was too busy visiting at the hospital to go to bars etc. anyway.

    Today at lunch my father was pleased to announce to me that he was giving me the ring since he knew that it meant a lot to me also, and he wanted to be sure that there would be no question of to whom it belongs. We went through a couple rounds where I said that I thought that he should keep it because it was so important and symbolic to him and that eventually I would be happy to have the ring, but only after he dies (he is very healthy and has no plans to die in the near future). He retorted that it would make him happy and please him that I have it and that he see me wear it. On the second round I even said that it may sabotage my possibilities finding a husband. (Although I've mentioned to him that I would love to be a husband in a two husband household, he never thought about it being something that might sabotage my chances.) He reiterated that it would make him happy that I have it and wear it. He is a man who's main care has always been the safety and happiness of the family. He gets that and he's always been content. Very simple loving person. So I took the ring from him and put it on my finger. I have no problem with the ring. Among things it was on my mother's finger when I was conceived, when I was born and when she died (needlessly) on the hospital's operating table. It conveys the sincere love between my parents, the kind of love that I give to a lover and hopefully eventually to my future husband. It symbolizes true love, an ideal which I know exists. It has good vibes (positive Chi energy).

    Coming back to you all, I ask what you think when you see a gay man with a gold wedding band on his pinky finger? Do you think that it says: "Here's a married man? "An unfaithful SOB"? An open relationship? Just some dude that has one ring and no other jewelry?
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    Jun 12, 2010 11:04 PM GMT
    BuddyinNYC saidComing back to you all, I ask what you think when you see a gay man with a gold wedding band on his pinky finger? Do you think that it says: "Here's a married man? "An unfaithful SOB"? An open relationship? Just some dude that has one ring and no other jewelry?

    Here in the US I wouldn't think anything about it at all, if it's on the pinky, other than assuming the guy likes to wear a plain ring (it doesn't have a stone, correct?). That's not the finger for a wedding band, and if you put it on your right hand, that further indicates it's not associated with marriage in the US. If I later learned it was a sentimental family keepsake, as in your case, I would admire him more for it.
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    Jun 12, 2010 11:46 PM GMT
    I'd have to ask. I always ask if I have a question or a concern that way I do not just assume something is wrong or whatever the case may be.

    If I noticed it I'd probably get the curiosity going and just ask why it's there.
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    Jun 13, 2010 12:58 AM GMT

    By pinky finger you mean baby finger, the last and smallest finger? That's the finger engineers wear their 'iron ring'. If either of us saw a gold ring on that finger we wouldn't think it had anything to do with marriage. We'd more likely ask facetiously what kind of engineer's degree and oath merited gold. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 13, 2010 1:04 AM GMT
    jesus christ, tl;dr
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    Jun 13, 2010 2:19 PM GMT
    Thanks all.
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    Jun 13, 2010 2:31 PM GMT
    Beautiful story. Wear the ring proudly as a testament to your parent's love. If anyone asks you've got a wonderful story to tell.

    My female cousins wears her late father's wedding ring on a chain around her neck (it's much too big for her to wear on her finger). People ask her about it all the time and she's more than happy to tell people about her father.
  • Celticmusl

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    Jun 13, 2010 2:49 PM GMT
    I would not jump to conclusions. I would consider it just an article of jewelry until I hear otherwise.

    But I don't really get when guys wear the thumb rings. If I see a thumb ring on a guy I do usually think "WTF!".
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    Jun 13, 2010 3:15 PM GMT
    or wear it on a chain if there are times when you think it might be confusing on your finger.
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    Jun 13, 2010 8:05 PM GMT
    fastfreddie saidBeautiful story. Wear the ring proudly as a testament to your parent's love. If anyone asks you've got a wonderful story to tell.

    My female cousins wears her late father's wedding ring on a chain around her neck (it's much too big for her to wear on her finger). People ask her about it all the time and she's more than happy to tell people about her father.


    Thank you FastFreddie for your considerate and kind comment.
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    Jun 13, 2010 8:06 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidor wear it on a chain [...]


    Thanks for that great idea.
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    Jun 13, 2010 9:09 PM GMT
    Yes, truly wonderful story.
    There are those, mostly in law enforcement, who associate a pinky ring with persons involved in criminal activity.
    Most people saem to like to wear these types of rings on a necklace (close to the heart).
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    Jun 13, 2010 10:13 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidYes, truly wonderful story.
    There are those, mostly in law enforcement, who associate a pinky ring with persons involved in criminal activity. [...]

    1- Thanks.
    2- ROFL, but still noted.
  • mybud

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    Jun 13, 2010 10:51 PM GMT
    Seriously the wearing of such a ring means nothing to most other guys....few will notice....if it brings you pleasure or closeness towards your parents...fuck what others think and wear it....Bud
  • Geoedward

    Posts: 657

    Jun 13, 2010 11:03 PM GMT
    My friend wears one on his pinky finger as well. He is straight. When we first met, I did ask him why. I didn't think it was because he was married. That never crossed my mind. I was just curious because I had never seen someone doing that before. He told me a beautiful story about his grandmother and the wonderful relationship they had. She is no longer here but he wears it in her memory. Wear it with pride. As others her have said, it makes for a wonderful conversation piece. I have to say my friend’s story touched my heart.
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    Jun 13, 2010 11:12 PM GMT
    In fact I wear a Russian wedding ring on my left hand wedding fingers in representation of my Russian love.

    I also wear a ring on my pinky on my right hand, it does have a meaning, and nothing to do with engineering; it's personal; sorry.

    Also if you look HRH Prince Charles wears his weeding ring on his pinky.
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    Jun 13, 2010 11:27 PM GMT
    What a great story. I wouldn't think anything of it if I saw it on your finger and if someone asks you about it, you will have a wonderful story to tell.
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    Jun 14, 2010 11:56 PM GMT
    That is a nice story. Thanks for sharing it. If I saw you and didn't know you - but noticed a ring on one of your ring fingers, I might suspect you were partnered. If I was interested in you, I'd find out for sure and not just guess. If the ring was on one of your smallest fingers, I'd probably think it was a ring that meant something to you. Either way, if I met you and was interested, I'd probably ask you and not assume.

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    Jun 16, 2010 12:07 PM GMT
    Thanks guys, I appreciate everyone's comments and ideas.
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    Jun 16, 2010 12:31 PM GMT
    I very often wear a gold ring on my pinky finger. My family's business was jewelry for about 100 years, but funny enough none of us are "jewelry" people. My grandmother had 3 wedding bands (1 thick and 2 thin) that were designed to wear together with a huge boulder of an engagement ring. Well as she got older she wanted her 3 grandchildren to have them. My twin sister made her's into her wedding band. My older sister wears her around her neck, and I wear mine on my pinky finger. I am just lazy and havent had it sized. They are actually diamond bands with diamonds all around so its tough to just get it sized.

    Its a great tribute to my grandfather who passed many years ago. he was a HUGE influence on all our lives. He was an amazing husband, father, grandfather, and community activist. He is someone I strive to be like. So in his memory I wear his handy work on my finger.
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    Jun 16, 2010 2:55 PM GMT
    It's nice to see a physical link honoring one's previous generations.