Help a Bi-Masc. guy out – trying to understand the Gay community better

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 12, 2010 10:57 PM GMT
    Before you read any further, please note I am not criticizing, attacking, or even challenging anyone. I am just looking to understand something I cannot make sense of. I am not someone who typically spends social time in the company of other gay men, so forgive my naivety.

    Can someone please enlighten me why many gay men derogatorily refer to each other using female terms? What guy would want to call another guy a bitch, or a cunt? These are female terms. I also see guys refer to their asses as man-cunts. Another term that pussifies what is a very manly attribute of the male body. I struggle to understand, and I know I am opening myself up to some harsh responses and I will deal with it should they come. But perhaps somewhere mixed in with the noise, will be some thought provoking reasons as to why men, who desire to be with other men, would rather refer to each other as women and be okay with it.

    Thanks! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 12, 2010 11:05 PM GMT
    I think it's mostly satire. Straight guys do it too if you listen closely.
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    Jun 12, 2010 11:52 PM GMT
    TrollMonger saidI think it's mostly satire. Straight guys do it too if you listen closely.


    Sure, some straight guys do it too. But it is not nearly as common, and it never has happened with any of the guys I have hung around with. I still feel it is a far more common thing to have happen with gay guys.
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    Jun 13, 2010 12:31 AM GMT

    Hey Brazen68, this should help.

    [url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camp_%28style%29[/url]


    Here's a bit from the part about international aspects:

    "Thomas Hine identified 1954-1964 as the most camp modern period in the US. During this period, many Americans had much more money to spend, but often exercised poor taste due to their lack of sophistication, education or experience. In the UK, camp is an adjective, often associated with a stereotypical view of feminine gay men. Although it applies to gay men, it is a specific adjective used to describe a man that openly promotes the fact that he is gay by being outwardly garish or eccentric, for example the character Daffyd Thomas in the English comedy skit show Little Britain. "Camp" forms a strong element in UK culture, and many so-called gay-icons and objects are chosen as such because they are camp. People like Kylie Minogue, John Inman, Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen, Lulu, Graham Norton, Mika, Lesley Joseph, Ruby Wax, Dale Winton, Cilla Black, and the music hall tradition of the pantomime are camp elements in popular culture."

    -Doug
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Jun 13, 2010 12:40 AM GMT
    Its really just our way of kidding around, it nothing serious...
    The str8 guys at work always call each other by made up girl names, heck- they even call me candy...i was showering in the lockerroom at work and they[ the str8's] took my towel, so i came out of the shower naked and someone said' your dick looks like a big piece of candy'', so the name stuck.icon_lol.gif
    The girls [at work] keep asking why the guys call me candy,,,we [the guys] just laugh .....now the boss calls me candy and we laugh our asses off because he has no idea...
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    Jun 13, 2010 12:55 AM GMT
    Brazen68 saidThese are female terms.


    We're comfortable with gender expression of any form.

    It's the reason why some gay guys have no problem with "female" mannerisms, "female" fashion choices, or "female" word choices. Some people call it "gender-fluidity". I call it: enjoying all aspects of who I am and who I want to be. Female-addressing phrases be used as derogatory statements or friendly banter. It's just a way of making the affirmation, "My sex is determined by my genitalia; yet, I can choose how I identify and to what degree I express my gender by my appearance, mannerisms, speech, or any other methods."

    As for myself, I love crossing the lines and I love staying on my side.

    Sometimes I feel like swishin and pumpin down the street (especially when I got a good song to pump to). Sometimes I feel like holding myself with a more classy "manly" stature.

    There are some friends I'd greet, "GURL whats the tea? Ms. Honey don't hold out on me!" There are some friend's I'd greet, "Hey how you've been? I haven't heard from you in a while!"

    It's all a matter of how I feel.

    It's nice to not be stuck in a rigidly define box of what I must and must not do. Of course, there are times where safety is of up most importance (like in some rough neighborhoods, you know better than give the roughnecks something rough you up about).

    But other wise, I could care less, haha.
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    Jun 13, 2010 5:12 AM GMT


    When did an ASS become a manly attribute? Last I check'd women have them too and theirs are glorified in media publications around the wrld. I have heard gay men refer to ea other as bitches but never a cunt, that's usually used by str8 men in reference to some lay gone bad.
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    Jun 13, 2010 8:23 AM GMT
    Brazen68 said
    TrollMonger saidI think it's mostly satire. Straight guys do it too if you listen closely.


    Sure, some straight guys do it too. But it is not nearly as common, and it never has happened with any of the guys I have hung around with. I still feel it is a far more common thing to have happen with gay guys.


    I think it's just something to identify with. Gays were mocked and abused for so long and called women etc... now often we call each other that because it's something we can call each other that others aren't allowed to call us. I think it's sort of similar but not at all the same as Blacks and the N bomb.

    Hopefully that makes a little sense. I'm no expert on the subject.
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    Jun 13, 2010 8:57 AM GMT
    Brazen68 said
    Can someone please enlighten me why many gay men derogatorily refer to each other using female terms? What guy would want to call another guy a bitch, or a cunt?
    So you're saying that my CC in Boot Camp was a gay man for calling us all ladies?
    Bitch please. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 13, 2010 9:07 AM GMT
    its genetics
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 13, 2010 12:23 PM GMT
    Self proclaimed masculine men who question others masculinity...

    They are like plastic fruit..... TOTALLY realistic!






    Here is some advice... drop the bullshit and accept who you are, who ever that is, cause ya know what, the only people who give a shit about you being masculine are other pansy arsed ninnies and ya self.
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    Jun 13, 2010 12:50 PM GMT
    Brazen68 saidBefore you read any further, please note I am not criticizing, attacking, or even challenging anyone. I am just looking to understand something I cannot make sense of. I am not someone who typically spends social time in the company of other gay men, so forgive my naivety.

    Can someone please enlighten me why many gay men derogatorily refer to each other using female terms? What guy would want to call another guy a bitch, or a cunt? These are female terms. I also see guys refer to their asses as man-cunts. Another term that pussifies what is a very manly attribute of the male body. I struggle to understand, and I know I am opening myself up to some harsh responses and I will deal with it should they come. But perhaps somewhere mixed in with the noise, will be some thought provoking reasons as to why men, who desire to be with other men, would rather refer to each other as women and be okay with it.

    Thanks! icon_biggrin.gif



    Your generalising. Not all gay men including myself act like that or are even part of any gay community
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    Jun 13, 2010 3:32 PM GMT
    naivenewbie said
    Brazen68 saidBefore you read any further, please note I am not criticizing, attacking, or even challenging anyone. I am just looking to understand something I cannot make sense of. I am not someone who typically spends social time in the company of other gay men, so forgive my naivety.

    Can someone please enlighten me why many gay men derogatorily refer to each other using female terms? What guy would want to call another guy a bitch, or a cunt? These are female terms. I also see guys refer to their asses as man-cunts. Another term that pussifies what is a very manly attribute of the male body. I struggle to understand, and I know I am opening myself up to some harsh responses and I will deal with it should they come. But perhaps somewhere mixed in with the noise, will be some thought provoking reasons as to why men, who desire to be with other men, would rather refer to each other as women and be okay with it.

    Thanks! icon_biggrin.gif



    Your generalising. Not all gay men including myself act like that or are even part of any gay community


    I don't mean to generalize. That's why I was certain I said 'many' gay men, and not all. Sorry to suggest otherwise.
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    Jun 13, 2010 3:33 PM GMT
    Hillie said

    When did an ASS become a manly attribute? Last I check'd women have them too and theirs are glorified in media publications around the wrld. I have heard gay men refer to ea other as bitches but never a cunt, that's usually used by str8 men in reference to some lay gone bad.


    Using that logic, both men and women have arms too. But a well defined bicep is a very manly attribute, no? And you've never heard men refer to each other as cunts? Look around these threads. I have seen it plenty of times. It is part of what prompted this thread.
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    Jun 13, 2010 3:36 PM GMT
    SineOfChange said
    Brazen68 saidThese are female terms.


    We're comfortable with gender expression of any form.

    It's the reason why some gay guys have no problem with "female" mannerisms, "female" fashion choices, or "female" word choices. Some people call it "gender-fluidity". I call it: enjoying all aspects of who I am and who I want to be. Female-addressing phrases be used as derogatory statements or friendly banter. It's just a way of making the affirmation, "My sex is determined by my genitalia; yet, I can choose how I identify and to what degree I express my gender by my appearance, mannerisms, speech, or any other methods."

    As for myself, I love crossing the lines and I love staying on my side.

    Sometimes I feel like swishin and pumpin down the street (especially when I got a good song to pump to). Sometimes I feel like holding myself with a more classy "manly" stature.

    There are some friends I'd greet, "GURL whats the tea? Ms. Honey don't hold out on me!" There are some friend's I'd greet, "Hey how you've been? I haven't heard from you in a while!"

    It's all a matter of how I feel.

    It's nice to not be stuck in a rigidly define box of what I must and must not do. Of course, there are times where safety is of up most importance (like in some rough neighborhoods, you know better than give the roughnecks something rough you up about).

    But other wise, I could care less, haha.


    There are some really excellent responses and thanks for helping to open my eyes more on that matter. That's really all I was looking for.

    Swishin and pumpin... LOL I love it. This was amongst the best of the responses and exactly what I was trying to bring out of whomever would reply. Thanks!! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 13, 2010 3:39 PM GMT
    TrollMonger said
    Brazen68 said
    TrollMonger saidI think it's mostly satire. Straight guys do it too if you listen closely.


    Sure, some straight guys do it too. But it is not nearly as common, and it never has happened with any of the guys I have hung around with. I still feel it is a far more common thing to have happen with gay guys.


    I think it's just something to identify with. Gays were mocked and abused for so long and called women etc... now often we call each other that because it's something we can call each other that others aren't allowed to call us. I think it's sort of similar but not at all the same as Blacks and the N bomb.

    Hopefully that makes a little sense. I'm no expert on the subject.


    Another interesting point of view that I would not have been able to consider, and it does make sense. Thanks!
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    Jun 13, 2010 3:40 PM GMT
    jgymnast733 saidIts really just our way of kidding around, it nothing serious...
    The str8 guys at work always call each other by made up girl names, heck- they even call me candy...i was showering in the lockerroom at work and they[ the str8's] took my towel, so i came out of the shower naked and someone said' your dick looks like a big piece of candy'', so the name stuck.icon_lol.gif
    The girls [at work] keep asking why the guys call me candy,,,we [the guys] just laugh .....now the boss calls me candy and we laugh our asses off because he has no idea...


    This is too funny. A big piece of candy, eh? Nice!
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    Jun 13, 2010 6:55 PM GMT
    I just visited your profile...and all I can say is: puhleeeze, mary...
    who do you THINK you're kidding??
    Trust me... you know MUCH more about gay life than you are willing to admit...
  • coastguy90814

    Posts: 661

    Jun 13, 2010 8:31 PM GMT
    Brazen68 saidBefore you read any further, please note I am not criticizing, attacking, or even challenging anyone. I am just looking to understand something I cannot make sense of. I am not someone who typically spends social time in the company of other gay men, so forgive my naivety.

    Can someone please enlighten me why many gay men derogatorily refer to each other using female terms? What guy would want to call another guy a bitch, or a cunt? These are female terms. I also see guys refer to their asses as man-cunts. Another term that pussifies what is a very manly attribute of the male body. I struggle to understand, and I know I am opening myself up to some harsh responses and I will deal with it should they come. But perhaps somewhere mixed in with the noise, will be some thought provoking reasons as to why men, who desire to be with other men, would rather refer to each other as women and be okay with it.

    Thanks! icon_biggrin.gif


    Okay first...reputable studies have shown TRUE bisexuality is RARE so hope you're not hiding behind that Bisexual veil. I'm just saying, had to get that out there first ;-)

    Second, you are totally blanketing Gay people, that's like saying are all African Americans like the movie in Precious...bad analogy but first one to pop in my head.

    Obviously you have a very small concept of what it means to be Gay so my suggestion is get out in the world meet Gay people of all walks of life because we truly are your Doctors, Teachers, Lawyers, Jocks, etc;
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    Jun 13, 2010 11:10 PM GMT
    coastguy90814 said
    Brazen68 saidBefore you read any further, please note I am not criticizing, attacking, or even challenging anyone. I am just looking to understand something I cannot make sense of. I am not someone who typically spends social time in the company of other gay men, so forgive my naivety.

    Can someone please enlighten me why many gay men derogatorily refer to each other using female terms? What guy would want to call another guy a bitch, or a cunt? These are female terms. I also see guys refer to their asses as man-cunts. Another term that pussifies what is a very manly attribute of the male body. I struggle to understand, and I know I am opening myself up to some harsh responses and I will deal with it should they come. But perhaps somewhere mixed in with the noise, will be some thought provoking reasons as to why men, who desire to be with other men, would rather refer to each other as women and be okay with it.

    Thanks! icon_biggrin.gif


    Okay first...reputable studies have shown TRUE bisexuality is RARE so hope you're not hiding behind that Bisexual veil. I'm just saying, had to get that out there first ;-)

    Second, you are totally blanketing Gay people, that's like saying are all African Americans like the movie in Precious...bad analogy but first one to pop in my head.

    Obviously you have a very small concept of what it means to be Gay so my suggestion is get out in the world meet Gay people of all walks of life because we truly are your Doctors, Teachers, Lawyers, Jocks, etc;


    Again, I tried not to imply ALL or blanket anyone with anything. I used the word 'many', perhaps I should have used the word 'some'. Regardless, you're jumping to a conclusion - so nothing is 'obvious' about me as you've judged me to be. And to also reiterate, this was a question of curiosity based out of observations mainly seen in these threads but also seen elsewhere.

    About the bi thing. I don't like to use labels to describe anyone, including myself - but we're not left with many choices when trying to explain about ourselves. I'm not 100% certain what constitutes being bi-sexual, but I can get it up for both men and women. Does that count?

    If this has offended anyone, or put people in defense mode where they feel they have to judge me or smack at me - it only reveals how touchy you are. Relax. I'm not trying to be negative or insulting. If you've walked away with being insulted or miffed, then perhaps you were looking to be. No need for this to be argumentative. Cool?
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    Jun 13, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    FriendsRGood saidI just visited your profile...and all I can say is: puhleeeze, mary...
    who do you THINK you're kidding??
    Trust me... you know MUCH more about gay life than you are willing to admit...


    This is the noise I was referring to in my initial post. I'm no stranger to being around other men for the purpose of being with another guy. But I certainly have never spent time in social circles of gay men, so just trying to gain some perspective and ask some questions. If it gets you ruffled that easily, maybe I touched upon something after all. Hmmm. Oh well, you can insult me all you wish. A guy like you isn't going to bother me. icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 13, 2010 11:32 PM GMT
    Brazen68 said
    Hillie said

    When did an ASS become a manly attribute? Last I check'd women have them too and theirs are glorified in media publications around the wrld. I have heard gay men refer to ea other as bitches but never a cunt, that's usually used by str8 men in reference to some lay gone bad.


    Using that logic, both men and women have arms too. But a well defined bicep is a very manly attribute, no? And you've never heard men refer to each other as cunts? Look around these threads. I have seen it plenty of times. It is part of what prompted this thread.



    I would think a Bicep is more related to masculinity than the curvature of one ass. Most women don't have distinguished biceps men do.
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Jun 14, 2010 1:43 AM GMT
    I only refer to my straight friends by girl names. It's hysterical because they get used to it really quickly.

    My fraternity knows exactly what I'm saying when I talk about groups of brothers as "the girls." icon_razz.gif

    I really think it's just a playful way to screw with the notions of gender as they are in our culture