Too sexy for reality?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2007 7:58 PM GMT
    It seems like quite a few guys here (and elsewhere, in life) have posted/said that they can't understand how they can be so attractive (and so on) yet have a hard time finding a man. This seems to be a pretty common complaint and while I understand that beauty can be intimidating, I wonder if there's not something else at work. Surely, if there are so many beautiful and great guys out there, they should have no problem finding each other? Or could it be that we are too busy looking for men that don't exist (i.e. perfection) and looking past the ones that are right there?

    Any thoughts???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2007 8:27 PM GMT
    Well it's extremely common in the gay world to be obsessed about your looks and appearance, even me(I don't think I'm all that great looking, pretty normal but thats another sory). Everyone strives for perfection with their bodies and it just gets pushed in our face with gorgeous guys on tv and all. I think a lot of the time we do look past all the right ones because either we are attracted to the physical appearance of a guy or other things might happen in our lives to where we can't afford to be in a relationship. It can be complicating at times unfortunately.
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    May 29, 2007 8:41 PM GMT

    Maybe when someone finds the answer, they will write a book and it will become a book of the month on Oprah. I think probably some people do obsess over finding perfection, and there's no such thing. And I think there are people who want to find someone so bad, they end up just settling and trying to force a connection, and that just causes misery all around. There are no guarantees...I can't sit here and say oh...the right one is out's a matter of finding them. Some people are lucky and find that person...some don't. The most important thing is to like yourself either way and not limit yourself to being either "just a single dude" or one half of a couple.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2007 9:11 PM GMT
    Yes, I do believe the "perfect guy" doesn't exist.

    However, I do find myself asking these questions (as seen in my long drawn out post lol).

    I've tried everything really. Blind dates, online services, guys you just run into, etc. It all hasn't worked (as far as having a relationship is concerned).

    Once this failed, I took a good long deep look at myself to see if it's ME. I've realized that it's not ME. I think things just happen this way for whatever reason. It sucks, but there isn't a thing I nor anyone can really do about it.

    I've actually never approached a guy before. I just wait for them to talk to me, which works, but I'm always disappointed.

    So, all one can do is just wait. People who've had relationships, breakups and such cannot relate to my situation, as I have never dated anyone.

    Guys say I intimidate them for random reasons (which I find to be silly).

    The thing I find hard is I can never be w/ a guy that's really good looking (in a relationship), because even when I tried to just date a guy, it turns into some competition and I'm an unwilling participant. It's so stupid.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    May 29, 2007 11:41 PM GMT
    LOL...don't make me get all Homo-philosophical on here
    Of course the perfect guy doesn't exist
    My idea of perfection will probably be very different than yours
    but what most gay guys are striving for is that idea of "physical" perfection
    that's why the obsession and the steroids and the Plastic surgeries comes into play
    all heads will turn when a buffed guy comes into the room
    I'm no angel I do it too
    and yeah...we're passing up perfectly suitable guys waiting for that "perfect" specimen
    (who doesn't exist)
    I can't tell you how many times I've dated gorgeous guys and was disappointed
    and they were probably just as disappointed in me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 29, 2007 11:41 PM GMT
    usually when i find someone attractive (10/10) and if he likes me too, after starting a relationship then after about 5/10 dates/sex i dont find him attractive anymore :( i wish this thing wont happen again for me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2007 12:05 AM GMT
    "but what most gay guys are striving for is that idea of "physical" perfection
    that's why the obsession and the steroids and the Plastic surgeries comes into play

    Speaking of plastic surgery, this guy skipped the steroids and the gym altogether and went directly to the plastic surgeon:

  • treader

    Posts: 238

    May 30, 2007 12:27 AM GMT

    It's seem that there's so many levels of compatibilty that need to be there to make a relationship work. It seems so hard to even meet other guys let alone get through all of the pitfalls along the way.

    I can't tell how many times I've been completely thrown/confused/perplexed by other guys personalities, habits, likes/dislikes, priorities, etc. It seems like we're all so different and that the odds just seem against you.

    But then again when they permited marriage here in Massachusetts, I was completely dumbfounded seeing couple after couple after couple lined up to get married. All of these people found the 'one'. I was completely speechless. How did they do it??? There isn't a simple answer.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2007 2:03 AM GMT
    That plastic guy is scary freaky.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2007 3:01 AM GMT
    I guess most guys are too preoccupied searching for the 'perfect' man for them. It's like everybody's taking their time pickin the sweetest ripest fruit in the basket. But then again, in time the rest ripen and can even be sweeter you know.

    and yeah those pics are freaky!....
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    May 30, 2007 4:16 AM GMT
    I've said it before, and I'll say it again - most people hold others to a standard they could never possibly hope to achieve. No matter how picky, ultimately, everyone settles.

    Except for me...but that's because I like to rock out with my cock out.


    Be awesome. It's fun.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2007 4:31 AM GMT
    Are you sure plastic guy isn't some long lost relative of the Adam's family?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2007 6:55 AM GMT
    Like many of the other posts on here, I don't think it's a matter of looking for someone perfect.

    I am very EEOC and like lots of different colors, in-shape body types, and personalities. But I also take very good care of myself and try to stay in as good a shape as when I was a professional dancer in my 20's and 30's (43 now). I feel great and think I look pretty okay. More importantly I'm battling my family history of diabetes and high blood pressure by staying in shape.

    But it's not all about the outside and the physical... so I've worked to be balanced and emotionally happy too. I'd much rather hear someone say that they think I'm a really nice guy over hearing them say I have great "fill in the body part of choice" any day!

    So after all of this work inside and out (for pretty balanced and healthy reasons), there are many guys who have just brushed me off as another circuit boy, gym bunny, or superficial body nazi who must only be into other muscle boys.

    Ya can't win for losing, I guess. It isn't easy for anyone to date or find love, but it does seem like something gets a little bit more 'messed up' in our gay life. No matter... if it's gonna happen it's gonna happen. If not, I still have a pretty great life.
    And at least I got to read the above quote "I like to rock out with my cock out". THAT has totally made my day. Thanks man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2007 11:30 AM GMT
    I agree within everyone in this post. We look for physical perfection but a lot of those we may personally perceive as perfect are usually just skin deep. I am just as caught up with it as any other gay man. But I am slowly coming to the conclusion that aren't we more than our looks. Wouldn't it be nice that people would look deeper into a person to see what a wonderful personality and caring a person can be. Maybe I'm talking as if I'm in the twilight zone.

    I do feel thou that we attract like people. So when we try hard to find that perfect beautiful person, we may end up with one but is he more than his looks. There are plenty of men out there that are more whole and rounded but may not be the perfect "10" we see in our minds. Let's all try to reach for the down to earth, good looking, nice body person and we would find we have an abundance of choices.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2007 12:28 PM GMT
    he looks like chucky
  • docbailey2005

    Posts: 362

    May 30, 2007 1:10 PM GMT
    Whether hetero or gay there's a small number of men with the ability to commit. I'd say 20% the rest are single and loving it.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    May 30, 2007 1:20 PM GMT
    I think you hit it on the head jackal69. Some people are never gonna be satisfied. The grass is always greener and there's always somebody hotter/cuter/sexier/younger out there.

    Growing older can be a horrible thing. You lose your looks, it takes more effort to look decent etc. But it is also a fabulous thing as it (usually) brings maturity and acceptance of things you never thought you'd accept in the past - like imperfections. Nobody is perfect and you're wasting your time looking for Mr Perfect. As you grow older you'll come to realise that you made mistakes, let some fab guys get away and then learn to love someone who isn't the hottest/cutest/sexiest guy in the world, but who is right for you in all the good ways.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2007 7:40 PM GMT
    Not sure if it's not more like "too sexy for my ego"
  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    May 30, 2007 8:04 PM GMT
    LOL It's easier to read my 2 1/2 page 360 blog on this subject, but here's the condensed version.

    Noone will ever find perfect, but can find a type of perfect for themselves. Meaning, someone they really click with IN and OUT of the bedroom.

    Most people do not see themselves as all that, but some do and even I believe (due to my family and friends) that I'm beautiful. Now granted I may not be a hottie, but even that's per each person and their perspective. I also mentioned in another forum recently, that I have found there are a lot of hotties in the gym, but they may not all be sexy.

    Are there people that are intimidated or shy, yes. You may have to make the first move, because the other guy is thinking you will not want anything to do with him. You also have those beautiful people that don't think of themselves as beautiful which causes a further delimma by having everyone stand around at the bar, club or dinner party getting nowhere fast.

    Which brings us back to the fact you have to believe, accept and love yourself first. Know in your heart that NOONE and I mean NOONE is BETTER than YOU. That does NOT mean YOU are BETTER than ANYONE ELSE. But dang, what's the worse that can happen??? You don't click or the guy doesn't want to have anything to do with you.
    At least at that point you know already and haven't wasted an entire evening which you would have done anyway by not doing anything at all. All over intimidation or shyness from you or the other party.

    Those of you that need help, do yourselves a favor. Go to the nearest Target or Wally World and start up a conversation with anyone. Man or woman. Just practice.

    It kills me that men, especially gay men, place sex on everything. Don't think sex, think conversation and having a fun time at Disney World. Make a date. You don't have to jump in bed with him right away.

    I hope I didn't ramble too much. LOL

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 30, 2007 10:37 PM GMT
    Here's my two cents: Insecurities turn into unrealistic expectations and an overinflated sense of self. A lot of gay men rely on looks and their bodies to place themselves socially. They tend to have short-term relationships and never really develop meaningful friendships. It's sad, but that's our culture and it will undoubtedly never change.

    What kind of guy are you? Do you believe your looks and/or body somehow put you in a different league? Now, ask yourself that same question when you're 45 and still single.

    Me? I'll eventually say "F**K THIS!" and have kids of my own and try to find out what the TRUE meaning of life is. I can guarantee this much, it sure as hell won't be Dolce and Gabbana jeans and botox....Well, maybe a Dolce and Gabbana shirt or jacket...I ain't DEAD!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 31, 2007 3:31 PM GMT
    I've always believed that (hotty) men who look a certain way, who are obsessed with their looks, make very bad lovers, and I hate to admit it, but it has been mostly true.

    Give me some imperfection--it makes for better sex, I think.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2007 2:30 AM GMT
    cooper> That plastic guy is scary freaky.

    No kidding. I find most results of plastic surgery to look too artificial. Just like fake tans.

    treader> there's so many levels of compatibilty that need to be there to make a relationship work. It seems so hard....

    I think that's the issue. Everyone thinks that when they find the "one", everything will fall in place, everything will be easy, and they'll ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

    Then, when the honeymoon is over (usually 2-3 weeks later), suddenly each one finds out that the other, after all, is only human. So rather than get beyond whatever the problem is (or even talk about it), it's splitsville and on to the next iteration of the same thing.

    I think that in many cases the problem isn't one partner or the other, not necessarily even compatibility issues - just not knowing how to work on and make relationships work. It's simpler to take the easy way out, break up, and try again with someone else (which, if you think about it, is one definition for "insanity").

    My partner and I have been together for 12 years. It hasn't always been easy. In fact, it's never easy. We almost broke up a few times over this stretch. After one particularly bad spell, we were in therapy for a year. Now we argue like an old married couple. And then we have make-up sex.(:

    I know some people here were still talking about starting a relationship and I'm talking about keeping one, but there might be a connection in the reticence to entering a relationship (because the other guy isn't "perfect") in he first place.

    As for the superficial beauty, consider that love (of the relationship sort, not lust) isn't so much how you look into each others eyes, but how you look out together at the rest of the world.
  • 2theTEE

    Posts: 637

    Jun 01, 2007 2:35 AM GMT
    The official song for this particular thread should be: " I'M TOO SEXY " by Right Said Fred.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2007 2:20 PM GMT
    This is a great topic, one which I've discussed over and over with numerous friends in the recent months. It seems some guys never manage to find someone special, and it completely boggles my mind as I seem to fall out of one relationship only to fall into another. If I have trouble staying single...why are so many great guys having trouble finding one of their own when they profess to want one so badly?

    Before you assume I'm some incredibly lucky social genius, I would describe myself as a total wall flower, not at home in big social scenes. Given my druthers I'd rather dig in my garden or bake or spend Saturday morning at the gym. So it's not like I'm drawing from some huge social network here.

    My theory is that alot of guys are looking to have their needs fulfilled first.... when the truth is it's a two way street. You also need to find interest in discovering the man you're dating... not just his likes and dislikes, but who he is, what makes him tick. I suspect that feeling loved has alot to do with feeling understood, not just desired.

    Lastly, stop looking for beauty just a couple of minutes. The best guy for you, who may just be your ideal mate, might not be an award winning gymnast.... he might not even like going to the gym at all. Maybe he doesn't give a rat's ass about his haircut or the fit of his clothes.... But you know what? In 20 years, none of that will matter at all....

    Oh, and one final thought.... as a person who retouches images for a living.... stop drooling at your screen, pictures lie. What makes a face attractive in life is the spirit that animates it. A kind happy person will have a fascinating face.... Pictures only record a certain pose, a fraction of a second of time.....We don't live there so move on

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 01, 2007 2:37 PM GMT
    I guess it also depends where you live. Because I live in a small town and (thank God I'm with a nice guy since 1999) if I was single, it would be very difficult for me to meet someone here. There's not a lot of nice guys around here.