How should we split the rent?

  • gaydocalex

    Posts: 80

    Jun 17, 2010 3:24 AM GMT
    My boyfriend makes about 30% less than I do, but over 100K/year. When we met he was paying for a studio $1300/month in nyc. I was paying for a 1 bedroom about $1600.
    We decided to move to a luxury apartment which cost about $3200/month.
    He is insisting on paying 30% less than me on the rent because he makes less than I do.
    Is it fair for me to expect to split the rent 50/50 since we both can afford $1600/month?
    I told him to select an amount of money he could afford to pay and then we can double it and move to a cheaper apartment and continue 50/50.
    He wants to stay in the luxury tower.
    All his friends think I am a cheap Jew because of this. Am I wrong?
    We fight about this alot. I need some other opinions on my behavior and his.
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    Jun 17, 2010 3:31 AM GMT
    gaydocalex saidMy boyfriend makes about 30% less than I do, but over 100K/year. When we met he was paying for a studio $1300/month in nyc. I was paying for a 1 bedroom about $1600.
    We decided to move to a luxury apartment which cost about $3200/month.
    He is insisting on paying 30% less than me on the rent because he makes less than I do.
    Is it fair for me to expect to split the rent 50/50 since we both can afford $1600/month?
    I told him to select an amount of money he could afford to pay and then we can double it and move to a cheaper apartment and continue 50/50.
    He wants to stay in the luxury tower.
    All his friends think I am a cheap Jew because of this. Am I wrong?
    We fight about this alot. I need some other opinions on my behavior and his.


    normally percentage of income and Im also a cheap Jew. is he goy btw?
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    Jun 17, 2010 3:53 AM GMT
    I think if you can both easily afford 50/50 then you do it. So...move. It would be different if you felt the largesse to pay more and him less. lol, you wouldn't have posted this.

    On the other hand, if he had a low paying job and you high one then a percentage is fair and a display of love when it comes to quality of life, especially if you live in a place you want to be rather than move somewhere cheaper.

    He wants to stay so he'll have to come up with half.

    You never discussed any of this before moving in together? Hmmm.....
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    Jun 17, 2010 3:56 AM GMT
    50 / 50

    He should pay half. Even though he makes slightly less than you, he can well afford the rent.

    It would be different if he was making a pittance, and really couldn't afford it. But he's doing OK, so he should pay his share.
  • gaydocalex

    Posts: 80

    Jun 17, 2010 4:18 AM GMT
    I think the only way it makes sense to base it on income percentage is if ALL money is pooled. In that case he would have to pay for his percentage of my expenses too like car insurance (he does not use the car) and my travel expenses to see my family overseas ... etc.
    But he cant have it both ways.
    and yes we did discuss this but then he had second thoughts.

    Thanks for your advice
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    Jun 17, 2010 12:18 PM GMT
    How about asking him to do an extra share of the housekeeping in order to offset his lower portion of the rent? Or extra dick sucking? Or whatever?
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    Jun 17, 2010 12:20 PM GMT
    Fuck his friends.... Make him pay or he can go live somewhere else!
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    Jun 17, 2010 12:26 PM GMT
    gaydocalex saidMy boyfriend makes about 30% less than I do, but over 100K/year. When we met he was paying for a studio $1300/month in nyc. I was paying for a 1 bedroom about $1600.
    We decided to move to a luxury apartment which cost about $3200/month.
    He is insisting on paying 30% less than me on the rent because he makes less than I do.


    OK this is the problem. If you´d offered to pay extra then there would be no problem. Him demanding it is bad. Him demanding it on a salary over 100k a year is fucking ridiculous. 50/50. I´m surprised, very surprised, that you didn´t have this conversation AGES ago.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 17, 2010 12:28 PM GMT
    Well being a financial planner & investment advisor, you probably know what I'm going to say....or should.

    Get an apartment that you can afford, and forget the luxury apartment. Its his requirement you live in "luxury" and if so, he should pay the difference. My suggestion is that you don't waste your money that way. I realize its NYC, but your rent for your former apartment was twice my house payment (for a beautiful home) here in Kansas.... and I get to write off my mortgage interest
    off my taxes. You don't even get a tax break on your rents... its just lost money.
    I'd prefer you put money into a Roth IRA or other long term plan for your future.

    Look around and see what else is available. If he insists on the expensive place, tell him he will have to pay for it and I don't care if he makes less money or not. As far as comments by his friends.... well I won't repeat what I think about that.
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    Jun 17, 2010 12:31 PM GMT
    To the OP: Pimp his ass for the rent remainder.
    To RJ: Are YOU making your in-house trick work for YOU?
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Jun 17, 2010 12:32 PM GMT
    I think 50/50 is fair, I'm a firm believer of 50/50! However, at the same time, if it becomes a major issue that could hurt the relationship, I wouldn't let money get in the way of a good relationship.

    On the other hand, if he wants to stay in the luxurious tower, shouldn't it be obvious that you need to be able to pay for that comfort?
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jun 17, 2010 12:39 PM GMT
    Lostboy said
    gaydocalex saidMy boyfriend makes about 30% less than I do, but over 100K/year. When we met he was paying for a studio $1300/month in nyc. I was paying for a 1 bedroom about $1600.
    We decided to move to a luxury apartment which cost about $3200/month.
    He is insisting on paying 30% less than me on the rent because he makes less than I do.


    OK this is the problem. If you´d offered to pay extra then there would be no problem. Him demanding it is bad. Him demanding it on a salary over 100k a year is fucking ridiculous. 50/50. I´m surprised, very surprised, that you didn´t have this conversation AGES ago.


    In addition, I think this is a big red flag. If you both make six-figure salaries and you're arguing over this, it shows that he has pretty lousy character.

    Get a decent, affordable apartment somewhere and let it be settled.
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    Jun 17, 2010 12:41 PM GMT
    If he wants a luxury apartment, let me him find a job that pays 30% more or stop his whining.

    If money is at all an issue, a luxury apartment should not even be an option.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jun 17, 2010 12:42 PM GMT
    My partner and I do split the shared expenses based on our income. We took all our shared expenses for the month, added them up set out budget. We each deposit into a joint checking account to cover those bills. We adjust it when either of us has a change in come. I think the current split is 55% me, 45% him.
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    Jun 17, 2010 12:44 PM GMT
    don't let money ruin your relationship....

    my boyfriend and I don't pay 50/50. Its not because of the amount of money we make, its because of what we can afford. I have a SHITload of student loans that he doesn't. he insists on helping me out. Honestly we end up paying 45/55 so its not a huge difference, but it helps me out.

    If you are truly planning on being with this person for a long time, money shouldn't be a determining factor.
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    Jun 17, 2010 12:45 PM GMT
    I'm still finding it very very hard to believe you just moved in willy nilly like that without discussing rent and who pays what. icon_confused.gif

    -Doug
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    Jun 17, 2010 12:46 PM GMT
    you both make a decent amount of money, this shouldn't be a big deal. Its simple.. it should be 50/50 UNLESS you each have your own room (which you prob don't) and one is bigger than the other, then i'd make a ratio based on square ft.

    I'm even a cheap jew and i know that 50/50 is fair, tell him to stop kvetshing
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    Jun 17, 2010 12:50 PM GMT
    50/50 is fair, should he only give 30% of himself towards your relationship?

    Why were the finances and how the rent would be handled not discussed before you moved in together??
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    Jun 17, 2010 12:53 PM GMT
    gaydocalex saidMy boyfriend makes about 30% less than I do, but over 100K/year. When we met he was paying for a studio $1300/month in nyc. I was paying for a 1 bedroom about $1600.
    We decided to move to a luxury apartment which cost about $3200/month.
    He is insisting on paying 30% less than me on the rent because he makes less than I do.
    Is it fair for me to expect to split the rent 50/50 since we both can afford $1600/month?
    I told him to select an amount of money he could afford to pay and then we can double it and move to a cheaper apartment and continue 50/50.
    He wants to stay in the luxury tower.

    All his friends think I am a cheap Jew because of this. Am I wrong?
    We fight about this alot. I need some other opinions on my behavior and his.


    Perhaps the present rent situation is about each one's responsibilities as a partner, compromising and the extent each of you are prepared to go. That in itself is a matter for you two to work out.
    A more serious situation brewing is the sentiment of his friends. When "all" of one's friends are like his, I question what kind of person he himself is. Ditching him before it gets out of control might be the preferable thing to do. It's only going to get worse if all one's friends have that mentality (one's friends are one reflection of oneself). I don't find hostile bigotry to have any redeeming qualities.

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    Jun 17, 2010 12:54 PM GMT
    I can't believe his friends think you're the cheap Jew when he's arguing over fractions of his salary. I mean, he makes over 100K, wants to spend maybe a couple hundred dollars less than you per month, and you're the cheap one?? Also, why would he expect to move from a studio to a luxury apartment and still pay the same in rent? No sense there. I agree, try your best not to let this ruin the relationship, but damn. That's just not right.
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    Jun 17, 2010 12:57 PM GMT
    ... and no matter what you do, his friends are going to see his side of every one of your arguments. You can't let what they think dictate what you do.

    When you're talking $3200 a month rent, "cheap Jew" seems a tad uncreative.
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    Jun 17, 2010 1:08 PM GMT
    Couples finances is a tricky subject. Having been on both sides of the 'who makes more than whom' situation. You can can get screwed on either side of the argument.

    You have to agree on the cost and split before going moving in together. 50/50 is fine for a default, but you have to address issues such as one of you becoming suddenly unemployed or, conversely, suddenly in a more lucrative position.

    I once had a boyfriend who's salary was almost four times my salary. He insisted on splitting everything. This was acceptable to me until he started doing/choosing things that I couldn't afford a 50% share of.

    I had another ex who had an erratic salary, which was almost always lower than my salary, who felt that what was his was his and what was mine was ours.

    Everyone has a different idea of what's fair, but since finances are the most common cause of arguments and problems in longer term relationships, you'd better be in agreement with your partner before you move in together.

    Whatever your income is, you need to be aware that the difference between you and your partner is something that requires

    For a starting point as an equitable approach, each partner pools an equal percentage of his income as a shared resource. Then you need to work out details. The percentage approach prevents the inequity of pay/career choices. For example, if the two men in a relationship have chosen careers that they are each happy with and find fulfilling and yet those two careers have vastly different pay scales, then there is a tendency to incorrectly place greater 'value' to a high income career. (i.e. successful actor=high income, successful park ranger=significantly lower income.)
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    Jun 17, 2010 1:13 PM GMT
    Basic rule for being friends with people on very different income:

    the "poor" one should never assume the other will pay
    the "rich" one should never initiate something (restaurant, rent, holiday etc) the other can´t afford unless he/she wants to pay for it all

    These relationships work fine, as long as you don´t go into it naively.
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    Jun 17, 2010 1:16 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidBasic rule for being friends with people on very different income:

    the "poor" one should never assume the other will pay
    the "rich" one should never initiate something (restaurant, rent, holiday etc) the other can´t afford unless he/she wants to pay for it all

    These relationships work fine, as long as you don´t go into it naively.


    Very well said. Thank you for your wisdom.
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    Jun 17, 2010 1:18 PM GMT
    I have a number of very wealthy friends icon_smile.gif

    Also, it helps if neither of you is defined by your income