Jun 17, 2010 6:14 PM GMT
Definitely something my parents forgot to mention.
I was just starting my nightly ritual of grooming before sleep, which consisted of going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth, cleansing my face, practicing my duckface, flattering my reflection...you know, those ordinary things humans do. However, as I was sitting on the toilet seat humming with the flow I looked down and suddenly went off key. At first it seemed as though my big black eyes were deceiving me, so I grabbed some toilet paper to investigate and I couldn't deny the green smear that appeared a bit too bright on its white background. Incredible! I urinated lime. This has never happened before.
Though, instead of panicking something in my heart and brain simultaneously clicked. At that particular eureka moment the puzzling bits of my life all of the sudden made sense. I am an alien and this lavatory incident was just an early sign of my coming of age. This explains everything! Why I've always been teased about my big head, why ever since I was a kid I've had dreams of conquering the universe, why I look for videos that satisfy my anal probing fetish, why I have never been able to connect well with humans (their brains are not aligned properly to receive my signals), why I occasionally talk about myself in third person, and why technology turns me on.
I felt so happy about this revelation that I wanted to come out and share it with all of you.
So, are there any gay aliens out there? Send me a signal.
P.S. No earthlings please, it's just my preference.
Okay, so the truth is that it turned out that I was only suffering from an excess of vitamin B. But now I'm thinking about experimenting with certain foods just to see if I could pee a rainbow. Maybe it would help if I was girl and waiting for the right time or maybe I should give myself an excuse to overdose on skittles. Imagine the new slogan, "Skittles: Pee the Rainbow". How sweet would that be?