How to be more interesting and less interested.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 17, 2010 8:34 PM GMT
    So here is the deal, I'm very good at getting first dates with people, and very little success at getting a second. Now i know that gay men are notorious for not going on second dates, at the same time I feel like there are things I can improve on myself to solve the problem.

    Im a very good listener. I truly enjoy getting to know people, and love hearing about what they do, enjoy doing, who they are and so forth. I'm a people person, and I find myself very interested in people of all wakes of life (white to blue collared, ethnic backgrounds, body types, etc.) At the same time, when I first meet someone, I find it very hard to talk about myself, even for a second. Usually when asked a question, I follow up with a question to them, and keep it going. The conversation rarely sits on me, by choice.

    Its not that I am a boring person, Im consistantly told by those who know me that I am funny, charming, witty, quick on my feet, sincere, successful, smart, and so forth, but I find myself uncomfortable with that kind of attention.

    However, at the end of one date that I went on, the guy told me that, while I seemed very interested in him, he didn't know shit about me (as he so eloquently put).

    So my question to you guys out their are do you find when someone is very interested in you, that you lose interest, and how can be more comfortable talking about myself?
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    Jun 17, 2010 9:35 PM GMT
    Ive a similar problem, but, I'm much better at hiding it from the general people heh, it wasn't until a mate said something a year back that I realized I was still doing it.

    Anyway, mines an ingrained habit from work, I'm very private and hidden, so I don't do much self talking, even on rj, while I've shared so much, very few on here can claim to know me and I've shared a lot of things..

    But alas this is the nature of the beast and the only way to really change it is to actively speak about your self, when someone asks a question, answer it fully, not s few short words because it leaves them very little chance to a follow up question.
  • seven_deadly_...

    Posts: 104

    Jun 18, 2010 7:51 PM GMT
    Chainers said...So my question to you guys out their are do you find when someone is very interested in you, that you lose interest, and how can be more comfortable talking about myself?


    I tend to be more attracted to people who are interested in me. That said, if I was dating someone and they weren't capable of sharing anything about themself (themselves?), that would make me uncomfortable.

    A couple of thoughts about being more comfortable talking about yourself...

    First - you might need to accept that talking about yourself is going to be uncomfortable and just force yourself to do it. If you can do this enough, then little by little, it will probably become easier. I've found this to be true for myself.

    Second - perhaps thinking about it in a different light may help. If you're out on a date with someone, they're presumably interested in you. They want to know about you. Not revealing anything about yourself could be viewed as selfishly withholding. If you're like me, then you don't want to be selfish. Changing your world-view on this issue might be enough of a kick in the pants to push you into forging ahead and talking about yourself, despite the discomfort.
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    Jun 20, 2010 2:49 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    Wanted to say thank you for the tips, I will try to do that from now on. I will let you knoe how it goes.

    Also, thanks for the perspective, that does make it easier to understand myself.