Ready to be monogamous but your ideal mates are not?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 18, 2010 5:25 AM GMT
    How many times have others on here, I suppose my age or older, have found they are ready to be monogamous, have matured to that point, but seemingly every guy you meet that you think you could really mature with is simply in a state of just hooking up?

    I hate the feeling, especially right now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 18, 2010 5:48 AM GMT
    There are too many hot guys in the world for me to be monogamous.
  • Regina_Guy

    Posts: 406

    Jun 18, 2010 7:36 PM GMT
    Those guys exist, you'll find your knight, don't worry. In the meantime, have some fun till that special guy comes a long.

    If you're dating someone who you are really in love with and he isn't ready to settle down, it might be a good idea to cut the chord, before he really ends up hurting you.
  • Abc123456

    Posts: 336

    Jun 18, 2010 7:48 PM GMT
    Clearly they're not your ideal mates, if they're not into monogamy ;)

    Personally, I like the emotions that come with an exclusive, all-access pass to that ONE person who i've searched for, and found. I'm a quality over quantity kinda guy...

    hold out. You'll find a guy worth your time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 18, 2010 7:51 PM GMT
    Regina_Guy said
    If you're dating someone who you are really in love with and he isn't ready to settle down, it might be a good idea to cut the chord, before he really ends up hurting you.


    Great advice!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 18, 2010 9:15 PM GMT
    why would you want to be? your young. you should be living and learning not tied down to someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 18, 2010 9:36 PM GMT
    I'm one of those boring emotionally mature folks who needs more stability and longevity in my relationships... and relationships that last longer than preliminary looks and glances and flirtations and fuckings and buh-byes...

    I cave sometimes though.icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 18, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
    Maybe you should check the gay senior center. I'm sure these guys are mature enough for you. You're still young enough that they won't mind that you are boring.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 18, 2010 11:48 PM GMT
    makavelli saidHow many times have others on here, I suppose my age or older, have found they are ready to be monogamous, have matured to that point, but seemingly every guy you meet that you think you could really mature with is simply in a state of just hooking up?

    I hate the feeling, especially right now.


    If you're ready for monogamy, and he's not, how can he be your ideal mate?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jun 18, 2010 11:50 PM GMT
    makavelli saidHow many times have others on here, I suppose my age or older, have found they are ready to be monogamous, have matured to that point, but seemingly every guy you meet that you think you could really mature with is simply in a state of just hooking up?

    I hate the feeling, especially right now.


    Dude you just need to hold out hope that right guy is out there somewhere...and he's lookin for a guy like you...wanting the same things.....Second.... your 21......enjoy the search.........Use this time to define your likes...your future relationship goals....Much luck.....BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 12:00 AM GMT
    Then they are not your ideal mates
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 12:09 AM GMT
    Blackguy4you saidThen they are not your ideal mates

    You're about 4 hours and 12 minutes too late. icon_confused.gif

    I can't even find my ideal friend- let alone my ideal monogamous mate icon_sad.gif
    (Hopefully they're packaged together in a 2 for 1 deal)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 12:29 AM GMT
    STORY OF MY LIFE!!! hahaha i totally understand.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 12:30 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidThere are too many hot guys in the world for me to be monogamous.


    hahah good answer
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 1:17 AM GMT
    These are all good answers, and I enjoy the response. Some are poignant and tell me to relax, and others to keep hope that Mr. Right is out there, thinking the same things I do.

    Thanks,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 2:30 AM GMT
    makavelli saidHow many times have others on here, I suppose my age or older, have found they are ready to be monogamous, have matured to that point, but seemingly every guy you meet that you think you could really mature with is simply in a state of just hooking up?

    I hate the feeling, especially right now.



    All I can say is that you should NEVER EVER compromise your values and ideals of what you expect in a relationship or the kind of guy you like to share it with. You boring? I think not! anyone who thinks that fucking around with whom ever they please with no regards to his health and the well being of others is anything but exciting? having said that anyone who is monogamous is a very desirable lover and a sure candidate for a very exciting and fulfilling relationship!!


    Leandro ♥
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 1:23 PM GMT
    bernd saidMaybe you should check the gay senior center. I'm sure these guys are mature enough for you. You're still young enough that they won't mind that you are boring.


    Way to completely miss the point and start judging someone with different values and relationship needs to your own. You don't like it when people criticize your relationship choices, lets not start tearing at this guy's.
  • Akula

    Posts: 130

    Jun 19, 2010 1:49 PM GMT
    its interesting how many times I hear young guys that want a ltr, I'm sorry but as far as I've seen no matter how mature someone is or thinks they are a ltr before 25-30 is doomed to fail. I can't count how many older guys I've met that got into a ltr young, stayed with that partner for 10+ years then when it ended they are back in the bars at 30-40-50 years old trying to be 20someting again. I'm sorry but to me your teens and twenties are the time to be a slut, get it out of your system then settle down. I know I'll take shit for this but I really don't care. Have a good weekend all!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 2:02 PM GMT
    Akula saidits interesting how many times I hear young guys that want a ltr, I'm sorry but as far as I've seen no matter how mature someone is or thinks they are a ltr before 25-30 is doomed to fail. I can't count how many older guys I've met that got into a ltr young, stayed with that partner for 10+ years then when it ended they are back in the bars at 30-40-50 years old trying to be 20someting again. I'm sorry but to me your teens and twenties are the time to be a slut, get it out of your system then settle down. I know I'll take shit for this but I really don't care. Have a good weekend all!!


    As someone who tried to be in a LTR at 19 (It lasted for 5 years) I completely agree with this advice. I was wanting stability and he was wanting a gymnast to fuck on a daily basis, so we served eachothers purpose perfectly, for awhile.

    I think that your 20s (30s, 40s, etc.) should be about exploration and finding out what your "type" may be ... Of course, you'll only throw that out the window when you fall for someone who makes you wonder how you developed those preconcieved notions about your "ideal" mate. *grin*.

    Besides, You can't make someone be in a relationship with you, regardless of how "ideal" they may be. It's hard not to get frustrated, but go with the flow, enjoy the ride (Pun intended), and let things work themselves out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 2:16 PM GMT
    I don't buy the statement that monogamy is about maturing and being ready to be monogamous. Some people, even at a young age, have always favoured, and will always prefer monogamy. And others will never want monogamy, no matter how old or mature they are. It's not linked to maturity at all. It's just a way we are hard-wired. And I find that there is a lot of judgment about people who are in open relationships, telling us that there is something wrong with us. I understand that some people prefer monogamy. I don't judge them. All I ask is that they, in turn, respect me and my choice to be in an open relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 3:03 PM GMT
    isaidwhat said
    bernd saidMaybe you should check the gay senior center. I'm sure these guys are mature enough for you. You're still young enough that they won't mind that you are boring.


    Way to completely miss the point and start judging someone with different values and relationship needs to your own. You don't like it when people criticize your relationship choices, lets not start tearing at this guy's.


    way to completely miss my point, which was made, more eloquently than I ever could, here

    speedobuddyI don't buy the statement that monogamy is about maturing and being ready to be monogamous. Some people, even at a young age, have always favoured, and will always prefer monogamy. And others will never want monogamy, no matter how old or mature they are. It's not linked to maturity at all. It's just a way we are hard-wired. And I find that there is a lot of judgment about people who are in open relationships, telling us that there is something wrong with us. I understand that some people prefer monogamy. I don't judge them. All I ask is that they, in turn, respect me and my choice to be in an open relationship.


    I don't judge people who are in monogamous relationships or want to be in one. But I can't stand if they think they are more mature, more evolved, BETTER than people who are in open relationships.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 3:33 PM GMT
    bernd said

    I don't judge people who are in monogamous relationships or want to be in one. But I can't stand if they think they are more mature, more evolved, BETTER than people who are in open relationships.



    What is your definition of:

    Mature

    Evolved

    Better


    Leandro ♥
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 4:05 PM GMT
    ALEZANDAR said
    bernd said

    I don't judge people who are in monogamous relationships or want to be in one. But I can't stand if they think they are more mature, more evolved, BETTER than people who are in open relationships.



    What is your definition of:

    Mature

    Evolved

    Better


    Leandro ♥

    I don't see how this is relevant in a thread that is about the difficulties of finding someone to date who is on your wave-length regarding monogamy. I decided to call the OP out on his inappropriate judgmental statements on what is otherwise a great discussion-worthy topic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 4:18 PM GMT
    makavelli saidHow many times have others on here, I suppose my age or older, have found they are ready to be monogamous, have matured to that point, but seemingly every guy you meet that you think you could really mature with is simply in a state of just hooking up?

    I hate the feeling, especially right now.



    After reading the OP's original statement I just can't see a tone of superiority in his message? monogamy IS in a sense a "valuable" level of maturity not suit for everyone, most especially amongst gay men, sadly! Being monogamous is a very thoughtful and responsible way to secure what is most precious to the couples who practice it. It is wrong to assume that a monogamous person feels a sense of superiority or feels that he is better then those who are not. I am monogamous 100% because I enjoy the feeling of exclusivity in sharing love, loyalty, and my physical self within a one to one relationship, and not because I feel that I am a better person then those who are not.


    If a young gay man who prefers monogamy expresses his disillusion or frustration, or the lack there of the choices of like minded young gay men like himself available out there to date, it should be by all means interpreted as 100% valid.


    Leandro ♥
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 4:26 PM GMT
    makavelli, dude relax....you still haven't found him yet right?

    look that means you up your game, go find the guys you think might want the same thing as you but this time learn from the journey while keeping the eye on the prize....you just might find that there are guys out there same age as you willing to drop the dating game and be monogamous but just like everyone else in the dating game there's a lot of fences up to protect their heart, emotions yadda yadda yadda. IN THE MEAN TIME don't stall, keep living life...get that dog you wanted, go on that gay cruise w/ a couple of friends, say hello to that incredible number you see everyday at the grocery store p/u apple ...take a chance and live it...be the man you want. He'll step out of the fog but up your game and the first step.....get off of this site and go find HIM !!! We've heard your heart...now go.