How to deal with "divorce"?

  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jun 18, 2010 9:41 PM GMT
    I am in a difficult situation. I am not married and never will be, problem is my Sister with her kids. Ever since the first was born I was very involved in trying to raise them well and help them have a nice live.

    Now, due to Family difficulties. My Sister decided that she doesnt want anything to do with the family. Also, I saw a side of my sis that I never expected and makes me wonder just how much I can trust her. She still wants more or less contact to me, but I know that she tries to keep a lifeline if her current plan goes wrong. Also, I had her new Mother in law barking at me for being a bad person. Be it that I smoke pot, that I am gay or that I am considered a nutjob.

    Therefore I decided that I am cutting the contact to my sis. My biggest problem is the older son Mike. Ever sine he was born, my sister never wanted him and still treats him like the source of all evil. I tried to teach him and show him several things and we came so close that I became his role model.

    So now with the seperation I am now left with seeing my nephew every time I see a kid his age and looks.I am very worried as to what I am able to do about it. I cant have him still in my life without having my sister around and she will keep pressing my buttons meanwhile. I just know that he will go in a downward spiral now and that it will end bad. My sis is even talking about taking a 10 year old out of school and putting him on the fields to work.

    Its just wrong, but if I take my nephew and bring him back to his dad or raise him by myself. My sister will go after me with everything she knows and I will end up in jail before I can help mike.

    I am just helpless, I am very near to kidnap him when he comes out of school and sit him right back into a plane to Austria. If it would just be that easy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 18, 2010 11:52 PM GMT
    Let Mike know you love him, tell him the situation and what you think may happen, wish him the best, then cut contact with your sis.
    I already had to do that with my nephew at age 11. Now he's 21, married (against family's wishes), and loves his Uncle Paul more than anyone else in the family. I'm always the one he calls when he needs to talk to someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 12:41 AM GMT
    maximumrisk saidI am in a difficult situation. I am not married and never will be, problem is my Sister with her kids. Ever since the first was born I was very involved in trying to raise them well and help them have a nice live.

    Now, due to Family difficulties. My Sister decided that she doesnt want anything to do with the family. Also, I saw a side of my sis that I never expected and makes me wonder just how much I can trust her. She still wants more or less contact to me, but I know that she tries to keep a lifeline if her current plan goes wrong. Also, I had her new Mother in law barking at me for being a bad person. Be it that I smoke pot, that I am gay or that I am considered a nutjob.

    Therefore I decided that I am cutting the contact to my sis. My biggest problem is the older son Mike. Ever sine he was born, my sister never wanted him and still treats him like the source of all evil. I tried to teach him and show him several things and we came so close that I became his role model.

    So now with the seperation I am now left with seeing my nephew every time I see a kid his age and looks.I am very worried as to what I am able to do about it. I cant have him still in my life without having my sister around and she will keep pressing my buttons meanwhile. I just know that he will go in a downward spiral now and that it will end bad. My sis is even talking about taking a 10 year old out of school and putting him on the fields to work.

    Its just wrong, but if I take my nephew and bring him back to his dad or raise him by myself. My sister will go after me with everything she knows and I will end up in jail before I can help mike.

    I am just helpless, I am very near to kidnap him when he comes out of school and sit him right back into a plane to Austria. If it would just be that easy.



    This is a sad story and your sister needs to be horse whipped and taught a lesson. Straight people who abuse children in any shape or form are the worse public offenders and should suffer casteration.....TELL HER I SAID THIS OK!!! . This child needs a chance. She had no right to treat him poorly.

    Get him out of there how ever you have to!!!

    Oh, let her take you to court. Tell your nephew that you want him to have a chance. Now days, the courts will side with who can best raise the kid. If your close with your nephew say hey...LET ME HELP YOU>>>>>He can petition the court to be with you and say to the COURT that his mother is abusive and you will WIN!!! You can also call child protective services on her. She needs to know that she is no longer in control. Tell child protective services how she's a mentally, emotionally and maybe physically abusive witch to her OWN FLESH AND BLOOD. Put her DOWN!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 1:06 AM GMT
    The suggestion to kidnap him is a very bad idea. Assume if you do, you'll go to jail, mess up your own life and you won't be able to help your nephew.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jun 19, 2010 1:07 AM GMT
    Dude... your nephew is in the middle.... if your seen by some of the family member as the problem....your gonna bring added stress to your nephew...my advice........back off....if your as close as you say you are when he turns legal age you can develop a relationship then....BUD
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jun 19, 2010 1:24 AM GMT
    mybud saidDude... your nephew is in the middle.... if your seen by some of the family member as the problem....your gonna bring added stress to your nephew...my advice........back off....if your as close as you say you are when he turns legal age you can develop a relationship then....BUD


    I live in Guatemala, damn it. By 18 he will be a gang member and probably wont even be alive anymore since he doesnt fit. Even if he gets unharmed to that age, who garanties me that he wont hate me by then for leaving him alone?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 1:37 AM GMT
    I think what Paulflexes said is the most useful, thoughtful, and realistic. There is wisdom in honesty.

    If you are willing to be his parent/guardian, and your nephew wants to move out and live with you, he can petition this on his own and you can help him get assistance. But make no mistake - kidnapping him would be a major legal mistake and not the best thing for your nephew.

    It seems you love him a great deal, and it's important he understand that, no matter what(!). You can be his ally and confidant no matter what and it will enrich both your lives. And, you could also talk to child protective services and make your nephew aware of any resources he might need.

    I wish you the best - from one uncle (who's sister in law is INSANE) to another.

    -ant.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 1:38 AM GMT
    oh - you don't live in the U.S.? Hmmm. No idea what the laws are like there. But make sure he knows how much you love him and support him - that is paramount, IMO.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jun 19, 2010 2:25 AM GMT




    This is a sad story and your sister needs to be horse whipped and taught a lesson. Straight people who abuse children in any shape or form are the worse public offenders and should suffer casteration.....TELL HER I SAID THIS OK!!! . This child needs a chance. She had no right to treat him poorly.

    Get him out of there how ever you have to!!!

    Oh, let her take you to court. Tell your nephew that you want him to have a chance. Now days, the courts will side with who can best raise the kid. If your close with your nephew say hey...LET ME HELP YOU>>>>>He can petition the court to be with you and say to the COURT that his mother is abusive and you will WIN!!! You can also call child protective services on her. She needs to know that she is no longer in control. Tell child protective services how she's a mentally, emotionally and maybe physically abusive witch to her OWN FLESH AND BLOOD. Put her DOWN!![/quote]

    This is just crazy !

    First of all I'm not sure exactly how many children you have or how many custody batttles you've been engaged in, but just because you think this is the way things are supposed to be doesn't make it so!

    I'm sure the mother doesn't care that you think she should be "castrated", so it's not going to make any difference if he tells her you said that. When you put the food on her table or pay her rent , seh may care, but until then you don't mean anything more to her than 250 million other americans.

    I'm not sure where you got the idea that courts side with whoever is in the best position raise the child. As a single father whith custody of my son , I can tell you a custody battle is no pick-nick and it can be extreamly costly. In the end you have no gaurentee that you will win as most judges, even now, are inclined to side with the mother. We just had a 4 year old,Ethan Stacy, killed by his morther and step father and his father was forced to send him for visitation aginst his will. We had another 4 year old who's father had custody and aginst the mother's will and the child was killed by the fathers girlfriend.

    As for petitioning the court, that's not true. The jusge may interview the child, but in the end what happens is really up to the judge and social workers if they are involved.

    As for the mother, she is very much in controll until a court terminates her perental rights, easier said than done.

    To the Op, Ar you ready to raise a child? Think long and hard about it. Children arn't like toys that you can just toss aside when you get bored.Are you ready to make the changes in your lifestyle to accomodate a child?

    Remember you can't help him from a prison cell. What ever you do, you need to do it through legal chanels.

    Right now the best thing you can do is to keep the line of communication open between you and your sister and between you and him. That way you know what's going on. Get to together as much information as to where he can turn for help when the time comes that he needs help, from religous groups to legal organizations, and make it avaliable to him. At the same time find out what you can do legally to help him. Be there if and when he needs you and let him know you are there for him.

    Good luck.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jun 19, 2010 2:27 AM GMT
    maximumrisk said
    mybud saidDude... your nephew is in the middle.... if your seen by some of the family member as the problem....your gonna bring added stress to your nephew...my advice........back off....if your as close as you say you are when he turns legal age you can develop a relationship then....BUD


    I live in Guatemala, damn it. By 18 he will be a gang member and probably wont even be alive anymore since he doesnt fit. Even if he gets unharmed to that age, who garanties me that he wont hate me by then for leaving him alone?


    Hey I didn't know the specifics...you asked for advice.....I gave it.....BUD
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    Jun 19, 2010 8:35 AM GMT
    perhaps you can deal with your sister long enough to try to talk her into letting Mike spend the summer with you. if she doesn't want him around she might go for it. then if that goes well, you could have him over more and more often enabling you to be involved in his life without having to deal with your sister much.