A little gem from Craigslist in Lansing, MI (not my post)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2010 5:25 PM GMT
    FROM CRAIGSLIST RANTS AND RAVES IN LANSING, MI
    (http://lansing.craigslist.org/rnr/1797870768.html)

    A mutual friend of ours threw a big party for her 30th birthday, tons of people were there and it was a lot of fun. Somewhere along the line you and I ended up on the balcony for some fresh air at the same time. We started chatting; we talked about sports, books, tv – discovered we both are about to start our masters degrees and spent some time debating the pro’s and con’s of the educational system. We talked about hanging out sometime, and you wanted to meet my girlfriend.

    I understand how upsetting it was for you when I blinked mildly in surprise and said I was here with my husband. I know it was a shock to your system, if your face had turned any paler I might have called 911. You made a good recovery though - that hurried mutter of “I’m not like that” was very polite and you only knocked over two drinks and one vase in your hurry to rush to anywhere other than near me. I can’t blame you – I forgot how delicate you straight boys are. So I wanted to give you a few helpful hints about where you went wrong last night.

    1) As a general rule we don’t walk around with big signs around our neck proclaiming our sexuality. No scarlet letters, no scent of hellfire and brimstone… sorry about that.

    2) We do not generally assume that everyone within 5 feet of us must also be homosexual – it was nice of you to immediately reassure me that you are hetero, but it was really unnecessary.

    3) Homosexuality is not infectious. While I am sure you meant no disrespect with your hasty departure; in the future you can rest assured that taking a few extra seconds in your mad dash for safety will not result in you being turned gay. It will however keep you from destroying expensive vases and knocking over senior citizens.

    4) This next one may come as a surprise; but you are not, in fact, irresistible. The fact that you have a dick does not instantly turn me into a bundle of uncontrolled lust. Contrary to popular opinion, being in the same room with a straight man does not cause a gay man to instantly lose all common sense and basic common courtesy. Though I am not so sure about the reverse.

    5) Homosexuals in general get a little irked when people treat us like some sort of leper. Rushing to another mutual friend of ours and advising him of my sexuality, so he could be “forewarned” was really uncalled for.

    6) Upon being told (by said mutual friend) to stop being an idiot and that you were not my type anyway… it generally confuses the issue when you then proceed to become upset that I DON’T find you attractive. Three seconds ago you were running through a crowd of people with your hands cupped protectively over your junk as if I might attack you at any moment with a blowjob. See hint number 4.

    7) We homosexuals have an odd sense of humor – I can’t help that. Something about watching you freak out as if all the demons of hell were after you just struck me as vastly amusing.

    icon_cool.gif While being pissed at me for dissolving into uncontrollable laughter might be understandable… gathering a couple guys together to “teach the fag a lesson” is not.

    9) You might also want to drink a little less and be a little more careful about the guys you approach for your little proto-hate-mob.

    10) Assuming the two tall muscle-bound bruisers must be uber-hetero and just as appalled by my presence as you was your first mistake. It was an understandable one though. How were you to know that pflag tshirt the first guy was wearing wasn’t a sports team? Also the rainbow ring the second guy was wearing could have meant anything I am sure.

    11) In retrospect I suppose that upon hearing your not very subtle hate-talk and seeing who you were heading for; I could have said something instead of just laughing harder. I apologize for that. I should have just introduced you to my husband instead of letting you walk up to him and ask him if he wanted to help you teach “that fag over there” a lesson. I hope that broken nose heals up cleanly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2010 5:33 PM GMT
    Hahaha good find.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2010 5:39 PM GMT
    Brilliant lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 19, 2010 10:52 PM GMT
    4715670882_f0b535eacd_m.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 5:48 AM GMT
    Outstanding!
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jun 21, 2010 6:03 AM GMT
    win!!!1!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 6:26 AM GMT
    Yeah, that was brilliant. I love the ending.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 6:47 AM GMT
    Gotta love it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 7:01 AM GMT
    Superb put down icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 7:13 AM GMT
    This should win Post Of The Year
  • SirEllingtonB...

    Posts: 497

    Jun 21, 2010 7:40 AM GMT
    iLol'd... especially after watching the Brothers & Sisters season 4 finale BAHAHAHA icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 7:54 AM GMT
    Yay, I love stories with happy endings.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jun 21, 2010 8:02 AM GMT
    Damn it... realjock needs to adopt facebook's Like button.
  • mynyun

    Posts: 1346

    Jun 21, 2010 8:36 AM GMT
    Elle saidiLol'd... especially after watching the Brothers & Sisters season 4 finale BAHAHAHA icon_biggrin.gif


    Ugh another show I have to play major catch ups to.

    But LOVE LOVE LOVE the post.!!!!
  • hartfan

    Posts: 1037

    Jun 21, 2010 8:47 AM GMT
    Monty%2520Burns.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 8:55 AM GMT
    Wow. People are seriously like that.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jun 21, 2010 10:21 AM GMT
    I lurve Craigslist! icon_biggrin.gif
  • mynyun

    Posts: 1346

    Jun 21, 2010 10:29 AM GMT
    I just checked that craigslist url and it looks as though it has been removed. So double 'thank you's' are in order Sahem for claiming that quickly. icon_biggrin.gif


    .......and just what were you doing on craigslist.??? Hmmm.? icon_rolleyes.gif LoL.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 10:34 AM GMT
    AAAA
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 11:34 AM GMT
    Only in Michigan! Sometimes I just shake my head when I hear stories like this about folks in my state. But it happens everyday probably, in every state.icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 11:45 AM GMT
    I lolzd
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 21, 2010 11:54 AM GMT
    Thanks Adam for posting this... I laughed and chucked as I read along,... thought it might get serious at the end, with discussion about physical harm, but it had a happy end. Glad for that.
  • NashRugger

    Posts: 1089

    Jun 21, 2010 11:57 AM GMT
    Great way to start the day, we need a LIKE button.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 12:00 PM GMT
    DrobUA saidDamn it... realjock needs to adopt facebook's Like button.


    Second that motion!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 21, 2010 12:02 PM GMT
    *click I like button