I often think that the way people describe themselves and the way others see them do not match up. Read the following and draw your own conclusions "about me".

Some random thoughts....

Know when to say when. You're allowed a certain amount of photos of yourself looking at a phone in a mirror before you crossover from "cool" to "douchebag". You've never thought of it before, but you're secretly agreeing with me.

I'm amused by traffic circles and overly muscled short men.

Why do so many people start sentences with "well"?

Well, I don't know.

If your profile has a face picture, why would state that you're "good looking" in your
description?

Is it just me or does "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" sound like the title of a cheesy movie that you'd see on Lifetime starring Heather Locklear?

Minivans are versatile, I'm not.

I'm a great guy. I'll hold your hand when you get your tattoo(s) removed some day.

I'd ride the bus if it had a first class section.

Top/vers = reluctant bottom.

Bottom/vers = bottom

Favorite opening line... "What are you wearing?"

Keep your profile interesting....20 pics of you posing the same way in every pic...boring.

Don't live or date beyond your means.

The second mouse gets the cheese.

CLEAN the mirror before you take pictures of yourself in it......seriously.

Next time you're bored, rub cat nip on a large dog, find a cat, see what happens.

Gay men are too opinionated, in my opinion.

I love people, until they speak.

A yard sale that lasts longer than a week is basically a business...a junkyard.

If you pick who to vote for after reading bumper stickers or chain emails, you might be a redneck.

Favorite text from The Real Housewives of Atlanta: "You are a low budget bitch!" Classic.

Favorite line from The Real Housewives of Atlanta: "Hey Mr. Lindsay Lohan's daddy, you take your ass back to Malibu!"

Favorite line fron The Real Housewives of New Jersey: "You and your Christmas pageant dress, sit back and shut the fuck up!"

"Bored n horny, u?" and "Nursin' a boner, u?" do not = a friendly online greeting.

If you're going to preach it, you better live it, otherwise shut it.

Overuse of the word "bro" is unnecessary. I get it, you're masculine..ish. Cool....bro.

Wordy profiles with countless stringent rules a man must follow in order to be considered a mate, usually also contain one word that stands out, "single" under "relationship status".

Automatically assume 50% of what you read in a profile is false, just in case.

Don't try to change people. The person they change into will probably think you suck.

When telling someone to go to hell, say it in a way that makes them want to go.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

There is a fine line between "nice tan" and "gingerbread man". Know where that line is and respect it.

Having more realistic expectations is not "settling".

Profiles with too many "LOLs" creep me out.

Some of the funniest dialog you'll ever read is in the adult chat room. The things grown adult men will say when they're horny is truly funny. Visit sometime, just for laughs.

Voted "Most likely to blend into the background" by my high school class.

I'd like to describe myself as masculine, but I've met some men recently that describe themselves as such and now I'm thinking I'm unclear about the true definition of the word. Meet me and you decide.

I try to look for humor in almost everything. (See video below) I also think I'm a wise ass who tries to look at both sides of things and realizes not everything is black and white. I work hard at being a live and let live kind of person, respecting differences, and not trying to project my values on others. Why? Mostly because I can't stand that kind of shit directed AT me.

I'm really into cars. I mean really really into cars. If I had to choose between you and a 2012 Porsche 911 Carrera S, I'd totally give you a ride home. I swear.

If any part of this profile is spelled wrong or is grammatically incorrect, laugh your ass off, show your friends, blog about it, wait a week, then let me know.

If anything I've said here offended you in any way, you read it wrong...dumbass.

Thanks.

PS. I got serious about being in better shape in 2007. I didn't want to be overweight at age 40 and beyond. About my workouts, I'm one of the few guys who doesn't want to add size or "bulk up". I want to be lean with just the right amount of muscle. Enough muscle so I don't look like a girl...bro.

I realized recently that I really don't like "to Skype". It's too much work, plus I've ruined 5 keyboards so far, so don't ask.

If this part of your profile sounds like a corporate job posting, it might mean being your boyfriend and/or friend is a "job" and that would be terribly unfortunate.

I usually gravitate towards mentally mature guys who are in touch with reality, who aren't always right or don't need to be, and guys who easily get along with others who may disagree with or live life differently than them. I like happy people....with an edge. If you're a rigid thinker, we probably won't see eye to eye.

I'm usually just here for chat and to read the forums (educational in a funny messed up sort of way). Not seeking an FB. So if you're visiting Las Vegas, I hope you have a great time, but I don't want to fuck you.