erickstheone | Rescuing you from an Eric-less existence

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  • erickstheone
  • Mar 03, 2021 - 8:50 AM


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    About Me

    • Vote him Man of the Day
    • Member since: 04/12/07
    • Last active: More than a week ago
    • Age: 45
    • First location: Ada, Oklahoma, United States
    • Second location: Norman, Oklahoma, United States
    • Travel location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, United States
    • Relationship Status: Single
    • Looking for: Friends, Dating or Relationship, Hookup, Training Buddies
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    My Stats and Info

    • Build: Beefy
    • Height: 6' 2''
    • Weight: 265 lbs
    • Waist: 38 inches
    • Chest:
    • Arms:
    • Hair color: Black
    • Eye color: Brown
    • Ethnicity: American Indian
    • My gym: at home, Chickasaw Nation Wellness Center
    • Weight training: 5 times per week
      30 minutes per session
    • Cardio training: 5 times per week
      30 minutes per session
    • Sports I like: Baseball, Basketball, Swimming, Weight training
    • Other sports I like:
    • HIV status: HIV -
    • Safer sex?: Sometimes


    Recently lost 150lbs in 2014. Getting used to this new body. Gonna have to develop a muscle-building regimen. Any ideas?

    Four Simple Rules To Dating An Eric (or, at least, THIS Eric...)

    Awhile back, a friend of mine asked me what I look for in a potential love interest/partner/future mate/whatever. I used to think that question was easy-sleazy. But lately, it's gotten harder and harder to really define what I want. Well, I mean I know what I'd like to have, but putting it in a way that would make sense to the Everyman is another matter entirely.

    I mean, I know I'm a nutcase, but I'm a loveable nutcase, dammit! So I sat back and really thought about my top 4 traits that were absolute. Anything else is negotiable -- rich, poor, geek, jock, super-model or nerd with a pocket protector. Where one is in life and what they look like comes and goes. These things below are the "essentials" to having a life filled with Eric.

    And trust me, that's an adventure all on its own!

    4) Have a sense of humor.
    Sounds simple, right? Well, what some folks take to be a sense of humor is really, well, not. I mean, there's funny, then there's falling-outta-your-chair-as-you-pee-on-yourself-while-not-being-able-to-breath funny. I'm not saying you have to be a Jim Carey or Monty Python. But on the flipside, don't be Mr. Lachrymose Neversmile either. My humor bounces around from quippy wordplay to slapstick (just wait till you see me try to walk and chew gum) to rapid-fire biting sarcasm.

    Having a sense of humor means you're able to laugh at all the crazy that life throws at you. And trust me, life throws A LOT of crazy my way -- but that's another warning for another time. You don't have to be cracking a joke or pulling a prank 24/7 (even I would find that annoying), but laughing at the fact that a bird pooped on your shoulder right as you're about to go into work to make that big game-changing presentation is just, well, hysterical.

    And yeah, I'm sure there are times my quipping and word play are probably too harsh or seem overly-critical, but it all comes from a place of love. After all, the people I make fun of or poke fun at the most are the nearest and dearest to my heart. If I don't joke around with you, then it most likely means that you're not getting past the surface.

    Okay, okay, yes, my sense of humor is very any British comedy, His Girl Friday, The Middleman, Gilmore Girls, Buffy, Chuck, Eureka, Bones, 30 Rock, AbFab, Farscape, Pushing Daises...well, you get the idea.

    Yes, be serious sometimes. I am. My moods often shift faster than California's coastlines, but I can pull out of any funk with a good laugh. You don't have to mirror me, but if you can make me laugh, we'll be great friends with the possibility of something more.

    I mean, even God has a sense of humor, for crying out loud. How else do you explain the act of sex?

    3) Have patience.
    This may sound a little strange, but go with me for a second, okay? Life is a little kooky sometimes. It gives you apples when you were expecting lemons, rain when you were planning for sunshine and downtime when you were expecting to be the life of the party. Life's unpredictable -- especially my life. It's what makes this crazy carnival worth living. Unpredictability makes for an interesting journey and great stories to tell the grandkids. But I digress.

    Sometimes I'm unfocused. Sometimes I'm a bitch. Sometimes I'm curled up in a fetal position in the corner of the room, screaming at the gods, hoping that the voices will eventually shut up so I can hear myself think. To be with me means that you'll have to deal with all the nutty and the occasional nutty with an extra side of nuts. Hence, the need to be with someone who has the patience of Job.

    And not every day will be a battle. I'm sure that you've got your issues. Share and share alike, I say. You help me with mine and I'll be a shoulder to cry on when you have a bad day.

    I'm not saying I'm always tilting at windmills. But sometimes I go off the rails and tend to take the train with me. It's been a lot less crazy in the last few years, but every now and then, the universe just needs to remind me that it still holds a card or two. Yes, it's all fodder for the tell-all, but until then, in the immortal words of Guns N'Roses, I ask that you have a little more patience.

    I mean, are YOU all that well-adjusted?

    2) Be original.
    No, not like the Levi's 501 jeans. Be creative when it comes to, well, us. Dinner and a movie is great for the 3rd or 4th date, but as a 1st and/or Blind date, it's a bit routine. Of course, if you rent out the diner, bring in a mariachi band and then take me to a little theater where we're the only two for the movie, yeah, I'll definitely take note. But it doesn't have to be that big of a production.

    Let's go to a comedy club (and heckle at your own peril), go make pottery (minus any Ghost re-enactments) , climb a rock wall (or fall off a rock wall, either-or) or chill out under the stars, trying to pick out constellations while getting headaches from drinking a slurpee too fast. I mean, if the myriad of dating shows that flood the TV airwaves can come up with something that's a little left of center, surely we can. Just no intimate encounters in a hot tub until episode 6, okay?

    And not everything we do has to be world-series dating worthy. Taking a walk in the neighborhood or around a lake can be perfect. So can going to a museum, taking a class (yes, I am that much of a geek) or catching a local indie band at a cool pub downtown. Not everything needs to be for the record books, because sometimes, the little moments end up being the most memorable.

    And you won't have to do all the heavy lifting, either. Don't worry -- with as big a, um, imagination as I've got, I'm sure we can come up with some can-you-believe-we-did-THAT dates.

    Just ask your parent or grandparents how they met. While it may not have been spotting each other across a crowded room or meeting each other in the 3rd grade, I'm pretty sure it wasn't at a speed dating session, either.

    1) Make time.
    Call. Text. Send a smoke signal or a carrier pigeon. Let me know that you at least have a passing thought about me. I'm not saying get all cyber-stalker on me, but if I at least know that I'm on your Friends list, then all's right with the world.

    Make a date. Make a plan. Make some time. I don't need you to clear your schedule for me, but at least make it clear that you've made plans for the two of us on Friday to go watch a meteor shower. Sunday, we've got morning coffee and people watching at Starbucks. There's a cool indie movie only playing one day down at the theater that you know I've been itching to see. I'm not saying I need to see you every day, but if I know that plans are made, thoughts are thought and expectations are high, then I won't need to send out a search party.

    To make this last part a bit clearer, here's a back story:
    I went to see a psychic a while back (don't start, you've got your idiosyncrasies, I've got mine) who told me the reason I was single was because I kept picking the wrong kind of guy. At first I thought they were talking about the type of guy (literally), so I altered my approach. I went on a few dates with guys who didn't fit the mold that was up in my head. Complete 180s of the dossier, totally who I wouldn't be 'attracted' to out in the real world. But I thought if my problems lie with my pre-conceived image, then let's ditch that ideal and go for broke.

    Obviously that didn't work out. So I really thought about the whole situation. I mean really thought about it -- some major soul searching. I looked back at all the attempts over the years and finally saw what I was doing wrong.

    I was picking guys who didn't have time for me.

    I'm not saying I'm an attention-whore (whole other story). And it wasn't every guy's fault he didn't have time for me. But either it was a full schedule or too much on their plate or just bad timing. There was never enough time. No second dates, no phone calls, no further attempts at anything. So I fully believe that, until I can find a guy who can at least make a place for me in their Outlook calendar, it won't work out.

    Like I said, I don't need to see you every day (phone or text, possibly, but we'll talk about the needy issues some other time). And I'm not saying I need to spend every free minute with you either. But if I know that I'm a priority (not numero uno, but at least in the top 5) then it's all good. And know that you'll be a priority in my life as well. I probably will think about you too much - especially in the beginning - but I won't be all "calling voicemail every 5 seconds to check" desperate for attention either.

    The Fine Print
    Everything else, from height/weight/eye color to how much you make (honestly, I couldn't care less, as long as you have a job. Or at least are working towards one) to what you drive (REALLY couldn't care less), is up for discussion.

    And yes, there's plenty more to me than these 4 notches. I'm a person (sometimes 2 or 3, but we'll get into that later) with hopes, dreams, nightmares and demons, so this ride isn't for everyone. You won't hurt my feelings if you think you can't rock this way. Who knows, maybe the next person you look at is your 'one.' Blessed be.

    And of course, I have the right to alter, change, tweak, add to or subtract from these rules at any given time and without written warning. If you've read this far, then you must think you can handle this wonderful ride, so step to the front of the line. Can't wait to hear from you!


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