Crazy thing happened at my sisters funeral

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  Oct 08, 2010 5:11 PM GMT

  I know this sounds weird but I just left my sister’s funeral feeling better than ever and totally motivated to working out. First of all let me just say, my sister was 75 and a bitch. We had no relationship. I went because it was the right thing to do. While I was there I watched my brothers and sisters coming in and then my nephews and nieces that are the same age as me or a little older. I was shocked because they looked like hell. My nephews were fat and old looking. My sisters and brothers had really aged. Everyone kept telling me how good I looked. At that point I was already feeling pretty good and couldn't wait until this afternoon to workout. I left a little early. As I was leaving my brother told me he wanted to walk me out. Over 20 years ago this brother wrote me out of the family because I am gay. We had a couple major fights. The family all except 2 sisters and my mom turned their back on me for over 20 years. My brother would not let his kids come near me if I was at my mom's and he came over at the same time. He walked me outside today and tells me almost in tears that he is sorry and that he knows he can't make it up to me. He said I treated you worse than I have ever treated anyone. He then looked at me and apologized again. He said one good thing has come out of all this. He said my daughter is a Lesbian. I had to laugh a little. I said and how are you dealing with that. He said I have learned from you and the way I treated you that it is ok. I love her and her partner and it doesn’t matter. I only wish I would have learned this earlier in my life. Just them his daughter pulled up with her girlfriend. It is funny because her girlfriend is a typical dyke. Hair like a boy, dresses like a boy. It really made me laugh inside. I am happy that my experience made it easy for her to be accepted by her father. Something good did come out of all of the years of hatred. As far as my nephews and brothers, is it just me or do we gay men take much better care of ourselves then straight men?

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  Oct 08, 2010 5:35 PM GMT

  Shows there is hope for some after all.
  As for gay guys taking better care of themselves I would tend to say "somewhat" but not a great deal more. There are plenty of haggard, out of shape gay guys out there. None of my gay friends or aquaintances take much consideration about looking after their physiques. Perhaps they may spend a little more on clothing etc than most striaght guys.. but that would be it. Underneath that clothing no difference.

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  Oct 08, 2010 5:45 PM GMT

  It has really motivated me to keep work hard at the gym.

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• Midas426
  
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  Oct 08, 2010 6:11 PM GMT

  Wow that was an inspiring story, especially coming from a funeral. I can understand your increased motivation to work out. And it's funny about karma....glad at least your brother realized he was in the wrong.

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  Oct 08, 2010 6:38 PM GMT

  So much for living well; I guess looking well is the best revenge.

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  Oct 08, 2010 7:01 PM GMT

  Wow, great story!
  
  Acknowledgment of errors is the first step in fixing a relationship. Hopefully you'll give your brother another chance.
  
  Umm, this isn't really an incorrect statement, but a lot of gay guys care about vanity/fitness... It's more important as you age as it's generally harder to find the right one or anyone for that matter. That isn't always the case, but it is a lot of the times. It's why most of the older guys I know go for the younger/younger-looking guys.

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  Oct 08, 2010 7:09 PM GMT

  QuadraticEqua
  Thanks for reminding me, I wanted to tell you all this last part. As I was walking to my car I turned around and said Larry, he turned to me and I said let's keep in touch. I said really I want to. He smiled and said I'm in. It is funny because out of the family he was the one that hurt me the most. Growing up I idolized him. When I came out it was so ugly, for a lot of years I hated him. Today, I feel good, I feel happy. I really do want him in my life.
  

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  Oct 08, 2010 7:13 PM GMT

  That's great to hear. Time to make up for those 20 years. I'm curious, did any of your other family members apologize for the way they had treated you?

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  Oct 08, 2010 7:26 PM GMT

  No one else has apologized, but that is ok. I have two sisters that I am close with and now my brother Larry. The others are much older and I don't think they ever will. It is still a little uncomfortable when we are around each other. Larry was the most important one too me as far as my brothers. I think we are going to be ok.

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  Oct 08, 2010 7:59 PM GMT

  Well, atleast you get to have a relationship with the sibling you wanted to have 1 with the most. I wish I could be as gutsy as coming out, but I couldn't bear to lose family/friends.... There's no rewind in life.
  
  I am not having a breakdown over it, but who knows what might happen in the future.

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  Oct 08, 2010 8:22 PM GMT

  You have to do it on your own time. It is never easy but it is so rewarding. I have no regrets. My life has been good. My mom was very cool with it. At first it was hard for her. I made sure she understood that it wasn't because of something she did or didn't do. It isn't a choice. I was born this way. After a while she was awesome. In the beginning my brothers and sisters gave her the ultimatum of me or them. She said I love all of my kids and I will not turn my back on one just to make the others happy. We became very close. She was always at my house and we were always doing stuff together. She loved my partner and he loved her. As long as I had her, I didn't care about the haters. I also had my two sisters. I miss my mom very much. I am so thankful that I was honest and that I came out to her. It would have really hurt her to find out from someone else. Some people in my family were beginning to ask questions and make comments. I was 21 and I wasn't dating girls. I was hanging out with my male friends all the time, etc. Anyway, it was the best thing I ever did. You will be fine. You will know when the time is right. If you ever need an ear, I am here.

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  Oct 09, 2010 3:13 AM GMT

  George, awesome. Thank you for sharing that with us.
  
  I so hope your brother is sincere. I admire you very much for your ability to immediately accept his apology. You are a hero.

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  Oct 09, 2010 4:34 AM GMT

  Geoedward said... is it just me or do we gay men take much better care of ourselves then straight men?

  Considering how many threads are started about wanting/seducing straight men, it makes ya wonder...if it's true, why do gays get all goo goo ga ga over them?

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• GQjock
  
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  Oct 09, 2010 11:42 AM GMT

  Excellent story .... thanx for sharing it
  
  Goes to show how much time heals all wounds
  and how much love triumphs over hate

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  Oct 09, 2010 11:59 AM GMT

  I hope it works out for you, but I've learned the hard way that people, especially family members, don't change. They have their weak moments, but they always revert back to their old ways. Tread with caution, and good luck!

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  Oct 09, 2010 12:53 PM GMT

  As the saying goes, every cloud has a silver lining.

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• incognito75
  
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  Oct 09, 2010 1:42 PM GMT

  What you said about your sister who died is too funny.

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  Oct 09, 2010 1:57 PM GMT

  Great story -- inspiring.
  
  I came out to my parents as 'bi' when I was 18 and it was no big deal (maybe because I was in a relationship with a girl at the time...) But when my brother told them he was gay 10 years later, it caused a big rift in the family. At first my parents didn't want anything to do with my brother's boyfriend, but over time they came around and welcomed him. But it's 10 years later now, and my other brother still won't acknowledge that his brother is gay.
  
  And I gotta think there's something to the 'gay guys age well' idea (can that apply to 'bi' guys too?). My gay bro and I have definitely aged MUCH better than my two straight brothers...

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  Oct 10, 2010 6:13 PM GMT

  GQjock said[...]
  Goes to show how much time heals all wounds
  and how much love triumphs over hate

  
  
  So in theory, hopefully in practice. Hopefully time will be witness. GeoEdward is a wonderful and great guy and deserves it many fold over.

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  Oct 10, 2010 9:47 PM GMT

  Geoedward saidYou have to do it on your own time. It is never easy but it is so rewarding. I have no regrets. My life has been good. My mom was very cool with it. At first it was hard for her. I made sure she understood that it wasn't because of something she did or didn't do. It isn't a choice. I was born this way. After a while she was awesome. In the beginning my brothers and sisters gave her the ultimatum of me or them. She said I love all of my kids and I will not turn my back on one just to make the others happy. We became very close. She was always at my house and we were always doing stuff together. She loved my partner and he loved her. As long as I had her, I didn't care about the haters. I also had my two sisters. I miss my mom very much. I am so thankful that I was honest and that I came out to her. It would have really hurt her to find out from someone else. Some people in my family were beginning to ask questions and make comments. I was 21 and I wasn't dating girls. I was hanging out with my male friends all the time, etc. Anyway, it was the best thing I ever did. You will be fine. You will know when the time is right. If you ever need an ear, I am here.

  
  But the most important thing-did you forgive your
  brother?
  Life is so short..why are people so hurtful sometimes?
  I haven't spoken to my brother in about 10 years-his choice not mine.Always thought he might be gay himself, but its his journey.I'm fortunate that I get along with the rest of my family and they were very supportive.Was very close to my Dad who loved my partner, I miss my Dad a lot but consider myself extraordinarily lucky.
  And yes we do take better care of ourselves ..in 'general'

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  Oct 10, 2010 10:20 PM GMT

  Hi Guys,
  Buddy thanks for what you said. It means a lot to me.
  I am glad good things came out of my experience. Yes, I do forgive my brother. The fact that our experience made him a better man and a good dad makes it all worth it. My niece, Lauren is happy and doesn't have to go through what I did. My niece and I have been talking all weekend. I feel like a lot of good came out of it. It took a long time but that's ok. The fact that my brother apologized and I could see it in his eyes, that it came from the heart, means the world to me. My brother is not one to show his feelings or get emotional. Looking at him through his teary eyes made my heart warm. Yes I forgive him and I love him. I want him to be a part of our lives. This is all I ever wanted. I don't want to be angry or bitter anymore.
  

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  Oct 10, 2010 10:37 PM GMT

  Geoedward saidHi Guys,
  Buddy thanks for what you said. It means a lot to me.
  I am glad good things came out of my experience. Yes, I do forgive my brother. The fact that our experience made him a better man and a good dad makes it all worth it. My niece, Lauren is happy and doesn't have to go through what I did. My niece and I have been talking all weekend. I feel like a lot of good came out of it. It took a long time but that's ok. The fact that my brother apologized and I could see it in his eyes, that it came from the heart, means the world to me. My brother is not one to show his feelings or get emotional. Looking at him through his teary eyes made my heart warm. Yes I forgive him and I love him. I want him to be a part of our lives. This is all I ever wanted. I don't want to be angry or bitter anymore.
  

  
  "May those that Love us Love us..
  and those that don't Love us , may God turn their Hearts...
  And if he can't turn their hearts may he turn their knees so we will know them by their limping.."
  
  I'm glad it worked out for you..God bless...

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