Ending a LTR, on good terms

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2010 2:08 PM GMT
    I just ended my first long term relationship yesterday. Our breakup wasn't typical with the "I hate you's", and "I never want to see you again", or "You cheated", in fact the last words to each other where "I love you". And that’s the truth, we both deeply love each other but it wasn't working out and things became very unstable. Neither of us wanted the relationship to end, and we tried to fix our problems multiple times and never made much progress. It was like fitting a square into a circle, our relationship just didn't mesh.

    Rather then continue on and live in denial, I felt it was better to end the relationship now, and endure the pain then continue on in a relationship that had little potential and would likely explode in the future.

    Two young, smart, caring, loving, and affectionate men fell in love who had almost nothing in common. We fell in love not over shared interests but grew to love each other’s soul and we ended it because we knew in our hearts that it just was not going to work. However, that doesn't take away the love we have for each other, nor does it make me miss him any less. I lost my first love and my first true friend.

    Do you think it hurts more to end a relationship on good or bad terms? Does anyone else have a similar story of a relationship ending on good terms and how did you handle it?

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    Oct 11, 2010 2:37 PM GMT
    I think it hurts in a different way when you end things but still love and care deeply for each other. I'm not sure which is worse. You know in your heart it's the right thing to do, but not having that person in your life anymore is really awful and very hard to deal with. At least if they did something that really hurt you (cheated etc) you could think "Well, I'm much better off without them".

    I have experienced it and I don't think I handled it very well. I didn't see him for a little while after but we decided we still did love each other and care for each other as friends, so we'd still see each other, even if we weren't boyfriends anymore. However, we did still have sex occasionally which was a mistake. It was probably a year after that one of his friends commented that it didn't even seem like we'd broken up since we still seemed like boyfriends. Meanwhile I had met someone else and couldn't tell my ex about him as I didn't want to hurt him and it wasn't fair on the new guy I had started seeing.

    Eventually my ex made the decision that it would be better in the long term for us to not see each other anymore, and I reluctantly agreed. He was my first love and it was like breaking up all over again. I wish we could have stayed a part of each other's life as he was such a wonderful person and we had a lot of great times together.

    Good luck with it, I know how much it hurts!