How do you know if you got played?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 06, 2008 9:21 PM GMT
    Hello, this might end up being a lengthy post, but I'll try to keep it brief.

    I'm a 22 year old boy, with a very short sexual history. For years now, I couldn't tell whether I was bi straight or gay, and I've been experimenting with a few guys off craig's list. Up until the other day, I'd never even been kissed.

    That's the day I want to talk about. I met a guy, online, who finally looked like someone I wanted to meet. I met up with 2-3 guys on craig's list before, but all I normally did was just lay there while they got disappointed that I didn't even get an erection. I'm a 22 year old who doesn't watch porn and has never masturbated, so I'm kind of a tough case to crack. Anyway, I've been working out for about a month now, and when I met up with the guy I liked a couple nights ago, it was a unique experience, to say the least.

    Like me, this guy had an interest in both men and women, although he admitted to liking men more than women. He gave me his phone number and I called him. He made me think he didn't want me to come over, or do anything that night, but he ended up changing his mind. When I went over we talked for a while, before we decided to sit closer to each other and watch a porn (one with a man and woman in it.) I'd never watched porn before, but the advice he gave me was "well, if you don't know what to do, then do what is done to you." I told him that sounded like good advice, but I also admitted to him that it also sounded like a trick. Still, being inexperienced, and having had very 'cold' interactions with the other guys I'd met, I decided it was worth a shot - after all, I was beginning to think that I was asexual.

    We sat together and he touched me first - just some gentle rubbing of my chest. I noticed he and the porn star we were watching had the same tatoo around their ankle, but I was certain this guy wasn't him. With the hand that wasn't rubbing my chest, he reached around my back and grabbed the hand that was doing nothing. My other hand was rubbing his back. This continued for a while, before he got up and came back with a piece of gum in his mouth. Other guys have tried to kiss me before, but they just weren't interesting to me, and I never did.

    When he sat back down next to me, we continued where we left off. Now he grabbed my hand and placed it on my leg. I couldn't tell whether he was placing my hand near my own crotch or closer to his, but whatever his intentions were, I went with them. I'd ask him a few times at first what he wanted me to do, and he said "just relax, let me do the pleasing." He knew I was a people pleaser, and he knew I had low self esteem - perhaps it was dumb of me to say such things, but it was already too late to take back the things I said.

    I don't know what got into me, but now he was licking my chest, and my hand began to slide up his arm, of my own will; naturally. My face came closer in contact with his. First my lips, then my tongue; now I was licking him. A brief pause, and I finally had my first kiss.

    To speed things up a bit, to the part that makes me concerned I got played-- long story short, he reached his orgasm from masturbation, and I've yet to orgasm in my lifetime. I've ejaculated before, but I don't think that counts as an orgasm. What I saw next was what caused me the most disturbance. He'd already admitted to being self conscious about his body (according to his claim he put on weight due to injury), and he was wearing two shirts. After he orgasmed, he took his outer shirt off and used it to clean up after himself. That's when I realized that things weren't as spontaneous as they'd seemed. I could almost read his mind, and it was already telling me to get out of his house. I was going to tell him "I've heard how || guys can be after they ejaculated," but I've already forgotten what he did to interrupt me before I could finish the statement.

    In our conversation, he'd said many times that he didn't like labels, such as bi, straight, or gay; that he liked what he liked and that I should too. At this point however, I was avoiding being labeled, as I think I can still interact with whomever I find attractive, but I was also concerned. Does this mean that I couldn't also label us as friends? Lovers? Some grey area in between that had no expectation of any degree of exclusivity? He told me that he had 7 tatoos, but I only saw the three he had on his legs. Despite seeing everything besides what can be covered from wearing a shirt (he never took his shirt off), I wondered whether he was self conscious about his upper body because of his weight, or was it because of the 4 tatoos that remained unseen.

    I wrote him an email the next day and he didn't reply. I sent him an instant message later that evening, and he said he was busy doing homework and that he'd get to me later, but he never did. This being my first experience of any sort, I didn't know what to do next. Right now my inst
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 06, 2008 9:58 PM GMT
    So this guy used you to get off. Did you get played? I don't know. What did you expect out of this encounter?

    In any case, he's clearly not interested in doing anything further with you, so I would just forget about him and "move on", as chuckystud would say.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 06, 2008 10:39 PM GMT
    I figured that's what happened...I guess it's just hard to do the first time you enjoy yourself. Thanks for the advice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 06, 2008 11:27 PM GMT
    That's precisely the reason I'm saving mine for someone who would at least hold me afterwards.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 07, 2008 2:50 AM GMT
    Move on, it was a random hookup that went his way. He used you but play you... meh. Obviously not a good lover, count your blessings that that was made obvious early and you aren't trapped in some kind of relationship with him.

    It's hard to let go of your first time but I'm not even sure this would count.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 07, 2008 3:56 AM GMT
    Just for the record, unless someone was milking your prostate if you have ejaculated and were conscious, you had an orgasm.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 18, 2008 2:01 AM GMT
    Hookups are just that... Used cars without a warranty. You never know what's going to happen.

    It does sound like you got used.

    If you want random sex, or just to mess around, get to know someone as a friend first, someone you know that is horny enough (on a regular basis icon_razz.gif) that might be interested in messing around later. Be safe about it.

    Guys in open relationships aren't hard to find, either; if they already have someone, chances are they're likeable enough for you to get along with well.

    On the other hand, you could find a guy you really like, someone who respects you for who you are, has boundaries, is mature, etc.

    Date him, have fun, do stuff together, be a couple, and have sex when you're both ready for it. Nobody says you're stuck with him forever, but at least you know you're getting into something with someone worthwhile.

    You'll know the person you're with is worth it when they take the time to take someone new to sex, and make it a nice, relaxed, exciting, and fun experience. It's not that hard!

    Good luck on better matches... icon_smile.gif

    P.S. - if you've ejaculated, you most likely climaxed and had an orgasm. The chance of ejaculating via prostate stimulation without you knowing is sorta rare, and conscious wet dreams are pretty well unknown. Not to say it wouldn't be fun! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 18, 2008 6:02 AM GMT
    If that was brief I'd hate to see the unabridged version

    Seriously though, kind of a corollary of the old Elanor Roosevelt thing about no one making you feel inferior without your consent, you only really get played if you don't get what you were looking for. If you wanted a mutually fulfilling experience, possibly with a relationship or something following, yes you got played. If you wanted to fool around with someone from craigslist, you got what you came for. Or what you didn't come for.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 06, 2009 3:55 PM GMT
    Well, man I'm not sure what you were expecting to happen...

    I'd say from reading this that you didn't get played, but you definately didn't manage your expectations. It sounded like you were expecting a lot from a complete stranger!

    Maybe what you should do is ask yourself, "what was I looking for from him? And why do I need it from him?"

    GOOD LUCK BRO! icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 06, 2009 9:42 PM GMT
    maybe you can elaborate on how exactly you think you 'got played.'

    it sounds like you had a not very good hookup...but there were a lot of asides so I'm not sure what the hell you're talking about.

    there was the thing about the porn star...the second shirt...the hand on your leg...where in there were u getting played? or are u saying that just because he didn't get you off?

    if that's the case, then u got played, but only cause u let him. if ur feeling it and wanna get off, that dude isn't off the hook until u busted ur nut...and if he shot his load and then left u hanging then he's an asshole and you're better off not hooking up with him again.

    (btw, your profile says your body is 'average' it's better than average, dude...believe me.)
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 07, 2009 12:55 PM GMT
    You went on Craig's List and found someone who wanted a hook up
    and now you're thinkin' you got played? icon_confused.gif

    My man, come on
    You don't go to a museum and get surprised when there are pictures on the wall
    He wasn't "playing" you
    he was looking to get off ....
    You want something more or different I'd suggest you change your tactic
    It sounds to me that you're relatively inexperienced which is ok
    no need to apologize about that but don't be so walled up about what you like or find sexy
    If you find men attractive don't do all this double think
    enjoy it for what it is