Really Depressed--- EVERY Guy I Date Runs Off/Disappears

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    Oct 29, 2010 5:35 AM GMT
    You'll find meninlove (there's two of them) have some great experience to share, too. There's a lot of good guys here with, how shall we say, a range of different communicative styles, but for the most part we've all gone through similar things and it's a real locus of good intentions.
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    Oct 29, 2010 5:35 AM GMT
    Act Confident and have sex appeal
    If you look like a frigid patio chair no one will want to call you back
    And with dates : Quality,not quantity
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    Oct 29, 2010 5:35 AM GMT
    muscles4muscles saidGay life summed up: You're a C. D is interested in you but you're not interested in him because you're a C. You're interested in B but he's not interested in you because you're a C. He's interested in A. A's not interested in him because he's a B but not an A. A goes home alone because there aren't any other As around.

    No matter what age you are or what decade you find yourself in, the story is still the same.


    How do you know I'm a C? I assume you're talking about appearance-wise but maybe not, haha.
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    Oct 29, 2010 5:39 AM GMT
    chance86 said
    sxydrkhair saidAre you a feminine, brand freak, snob, and bad attitude type of guy? Do you laugh ugly, funny, or wired? Do you act like a dork?

    You said you are shy, maybe that's why? Try not to be shy anymore. I can't stand guys that are shy all the time.


    If I knew how to stop being shy, I would have done it by now. Because it sucks, and I'm not 100% sure that's my problem, though it could be.


    I'm gonna repeat myself here, but the way to stop being shy is to take calculated risks, receive good responses gracefully, reflect on the experience, and repeat. Shyness = fear. So "What's the worst that could happen?" is an operative question. Keep chasing new experiences and it'll happen in no time.
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    Oct 29, 2010 5:40 AM GMT
    gumbosolo said
    chance86 said
    sxydrkhair saidAre you a feminine, brand freak, snob, and bad attitude type of guy? Do you laugh ugly, funny, or wired? Do you act like a dork?

    You said you are shy, maybe that's why? Try not to be shy anymore. I can't stand guys that are shy all the time.


    If I knew how to stop being shy, I would have done it by now. Because it sucks, and I'm not 100% sure that's my problem, though it could be.


    I'm gonna repeat myself here, but the way to stop being shy is to take calculated risks, receive good responses gracefully, reflect on the experience, and repeat. Shyness = fear. So "What's the worst that could happen?" is an operative question. Keep chasing new experiences and it'll happen in no time.


    I hate to admit it but that is very true.
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    Oct 29, 2010 5:43 AM GMT
    gumbosolo said
    chance86 said
    sxydrkhair saidAre you a feminine, brand freak, snob, and bad attitude type of guy? Do you laugh ugly, funny, or wired? Do you act like a dork?

    You said you are shy, maybe that's why? Try not to be shy anymore. I can't stand guys that are shy all the time.


    If I knew how to stop being shy, I would have done it by now. Because it sucks, and I'm not 100% sure that's my problem, though it could be.


    I'm gonna repeat myself here, but the way to stop being shy is to take calculated risks, receive good responses gracefully, reflect on the experience, and repeat. Shyness = fear. So "What's the worst that could happen?" is an operative question. Keep chasing new experiences and it'll happen in no time.


    It's not that I'm against taking risks--- I have. But when I try to get out of my shell around guys I like, I feel like I'm coming across as awkward and I say inappropriate/stupid things. And I think it puts guys off because they expect me to have it all together--- I don't. With all the guys I've dated, you'd think it would get easier and that I'd learn more about how to act around them... but with every new guy the fear, shyness, anxiety all stays the same.

    Some guys, so I've heard, find shyness cute. But apparently not any guy I've come into contact with. Either that or I'm just more awkward than shy.
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    Oct 29, 2010 5:50 AM GMT
    Yeah, that principle is better applied first outside of dating in order to pick up the subtleties. Dating is a high-risk, sensitive situation. First dates have to be the most stressful, paranoid situations, for most people . . . and if you're completely at ease, the guy might think you don't care. It's weird. And I'm not a good person for dating advice, cause I don't do it much. Besides, if you de-shy yourself in life in general, the dating element will follow suit naturally.

    Off to bed. Good luck, and welcome.
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    Oct 29, 2010 6:02 AM GMT
    chance86 said
    I'm guilty of continuing to date guys with whom I feel no chemistry, mainly because I feel guilty and don't like hurting anyone. And even those guys end up being the ones who break things off and disappear.


    Story of my life so I feel your pain. I feel guilty because I feel lonely and here is a good guy in front of me, BUT I FEEL NOTHING FOR HIM. It's like some terrible joke.


    muscles4musclesGay life summed up: You're a C. D is interested in you but you're not interested in him because you're a C. You're interested in B but he's not interested in you because you're a C. He's interested in A. A's not interested in him because he's a B but not an A. A goes home alone because there aren't any other As around.

    No matter what age you are or what decade you find yourself in, the story is still the same.


    This is so true it hurts. We somehow constructed this terrible class system where upward mobility is determined by a combination of looks/status/money. But it extends farther than just gay men, straight men and women are equally guilty.

    Lesbians seem immune to this however.
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    Oct 29, 2010 2:32 PM GMT
    After reading some things here and there, I have two things to recomend for ya Chance.

    First, I think you need to be more honest with yourself and with others.. While I understand you don't want to hurt others people's feelings when you feel a relationship is overwith, that doesn't mean you should have to waste your time with someone you dont want to be with. I know people have a hard time saying no, but say NO.... =)

    Second, it doesn't matter how many relationships you go through as long as you find the right one in the end? Don't stop trying and keep looking. Mr right is out there.

    If you wanna chat about anything specific, send me a PM. I'll listen and offer anything I can.

    Good luck!
  • Sk8Tex

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    Oct 29, 2010 2:43 PM GMT
    Is it just me or does this just sound like the entire dating scene at 23?

    I got fed up with dating men my age during my early to mid twenties because they were too rambunctious and all over the place for my taste. I found that men closer to their thirties are more grounded and typically they're beginning to form a pretty good picture of what they want in life or a partner, and more importantly have gotten over that "I just came out so its time to pick up lots of hot guys" phase.

    Give it alot of time and patience, cus your situation sounds awfully familiar.
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    Oct 29, 2010 2:47 PM GMT
    Being shy is just a politically correct way of saying "I'm afraid to be uncomfortable."
    Step outside your comfort zone and you'll eventually overcome your shyness.
    Not sure if that'll help in the dating department, but it's worth a try.
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    Oct 29, 2010 3:12 PM GMT
    'Dated' 15 guys and can't put a face pic on a GAY site?

    something is fishy here...
  • nicelyproport...

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    Oct 29, 2010 3:20 PM GMT
    I suspect that you need to chill out. Without knowing it, you're probably putting out the vibe that you're looking to get serious. At your age, most guys are looking for the exact opposite.

    And maybe that's a good thing. I think that it takes awhile -- and some experimentation -- to figure out what you want and need. And what you want might very well be different from what you need.

    So try to relax and enjoy the process. Every date is an opportunity to spend time with someone new and have a new adventure. Back when I was a baby gay, I dated all different types of guys: the male model who was beautiful but not the sharpest tool in the shed; the bad boy who duped me into going as his date to his other boyfriend's birthday party (now that was an entrance!); the cute but troubled boy who seemed to move from one crisis to another. Looking back, I love that I got to experience so many different kinds of people. In getting to know them, I got to know myself.

    And here's the irony: by taking away the pressure of looking for the one, you're more likely to find him.
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    Oct 29, 2010 3:26 PM GMT
    chance86 said
    muscles4muscles saidGay life summed up: You're a C. D is interested in you but you're not interested in him because you're a C. You're interested in B but he's not interested in you because you're a C. He's interested in A. A's not interested in him because he's a B but not an A. A goes home alone because there aren't any other As around.

    No matter what age you are or what decade you find yourself in, the story is still the same.


    How do you know I'm a C? I assume you're talking about appearance-wise but maybe not, haha.



    I'm not talking about you in particular. I'm talking about gay life in general. That's why I said "gay life summed up". C would be average which is what the majority of people are.
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    Oct 29, 2010 3:45 PM GMT
    Shiv66 said
    Caslon16000 saidI just met a guy at the gym. He had me memorize his email so we could go out. NO WAY!

    Why?

    He is totally self-centered. During the course of our conversation in the locker room, he cut me off while I was speaking 2 or 3 times. That clued me in that he was listening to me. He wasn't interested in what I was saying. And ultimately he wasn't interested in me. He was all wrapped up in himself. And I am not interested in going thru that on a date. And definitely not interested in dating him thinking he will change.

    I will prolly see him at the gym again. If he presses me for why I never emailed, I will try to gentle but frankly tell the above.


    And how are you being less self-centered by completely ignoring the poor depressed guy's post and relating a story of your own? Sounds like you and the guy at the gym are too much alike, frankly; you're like magnets of the same polarity repelling each other.

    I was relating an instance and leaving it to him perceive any similarities to him or the guys he has been dating, then drawing his own conclusions and insights.

    I hope that answers your question.
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    Oct 29, 2010 4:53 PM GMT
    nicelyproportioned saidBack when I was a baby gay, I dated all different types of guys: the bad boy who duped me into going as his date to his other boyfriend's birthday party (now that was an entrance!


    Story! Story!

    Lots of truth here too.
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    Oct 29, 2010 4:56 PM GMT
    chance86 saidI'm kind of shy, so I'll post a picture of myself later once I feel more comfortable here. Promise.

    Meanwhile, I'm 23, and I've been out of the closet for two years now. And since I've come out, I've had terrible luck with dating guys. I have no trouble getting a guy to get interested in me, and I constantly have people tell me how attractive I am (though I don't see it), but I have trouble KEEPING a guy.

    In the last two years, I've dated about fifteen guys. And it usually happens like this: I'll meet a guy, he'll seem interested in me, we'll set up a date, go out once or twice.... and then I don't hear from him ever again. Even if I text him, he won't respond. And sometimes, a guy will lose interest or stop talking to me BEFORE we even go out!

    I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it's killing me and I'm scared I'll end up alone. The only thing I can think of is that I'm shy (especially around guys I'm REALLY attracted to), and most of the guys I've "dated" are outgoing; maybe they want someone who's outgoing/crazy like they are?

    I'm a nice guy; I'd give the shirt off my back to anyone in need; I'm in good shape and take care of my body; I'm honest; I'm romantic. I just don't know how to get out of this situation.

    I thought it was just bad luck at first, but now I'm realizing it's something that I'm doing wrong.

    Can anyone help me or give me any advice?



    I don't think being shy is that big of an issue -- a lot of guys find that attractive. Hmmmmm...when's the last time you showered? icon_eek.gif
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    Oct 31, 2010 11:40 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said'Dated' 15 guys and can't put a face pic on a GAY site?

    something is fishy here...


    What do you suspect that makes me so "fishy"?
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    Oct 31, 2010 11:41 PM GMT
    Phillybrat saidAfter reading some things here and there, I have two things to recomend for ya Chance.

    First, I think you need to be more honest with yourself and with others.. While I understand you don't want to hurt others people's feelings when you feel a relationship is overwith, that doesn't mean you should have to waste your time with someone you dont want to be with. I know people have a hard time saying no, but say NO.... =)

    Second, it doesn't matter how many relationships you go through as long as you find the right one in the end? Don't stop trying and keep looking. Mr right is out there.

    If you wanna chat about anything specific, send me a PM. I'll listen and offer anything I can.

    Good luck!


    Thank you. icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 31, 2010 11:42 PM GMT
    nicelyproportioned saidI suspect that you need to chill out. Without knowing it, you're probably putting out the vibe that you're looking to get serious. At your age, most guys are looking for the exact opposite.

    And maybe that's a good thing. I think that it takes awhile -- and some experimentation -- to figure out what you want and need. And what you want might very well be different from what you need.

    So try to relax and enjoy the process. Every date is an opportunity to spend time with someone new and have a new adventure. Back when I was a baby gay, I dated all different types of guys: the male model who was beautiful but not the sharpest tool in the shed; the bad boy who duped me into going as his date to his other boyfriend's birthday party (now that was an entrance!); the cute but troubled boy who seemed to move from one crisis to another. Looking back, I love that I got to experience so many different kinds of people. In getting to know them, I got to know myself.

    And here's the irony: by taking away the pressure of looking for the one, you're more likely to find him.



    I love the way you write. icon_razz.gif
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    Oct 31, 2010 11:46 PM GMT
    You just described my entire life. But, don't worry too much. Being single isn't as bad as you might think I've always been single and although it would be great to be in a relationship, I am not sad or depressed about being single. If you can't stand you're own company, no amount of romances is going to make you happy.

    Just continue to be the best person you can be and keep looking for the one guy that will stick around. You might be the lucky one and have it actually happen.
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    Oct 31, 2010 11:53 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidBeing shy is just a politically correct way of saying "I'm afraid to be uncomfortable."
    Step outside your comfort zone and you'll eventually overcome your shyness.
    Not sure if that'll help in the dating department, but it's worth a try.


    Good advice. I am a reserved person by nature, but I can also be the most gregarious person I know, when I make the effort. For example, I was with a group of service personnel invited to attend a homecoming reception at the Palace of Westminster (the UK equivalent of Congress) last week. It would have been so easy to stay in a little huddle with my buddies. Instead, I went up to various Members of Parliament, lords, ladies and service chiefs and struck up conversations. It was all casual chat, but I really enjoyed it in the end. It is the same with dating. If you don't put yourself out there, they ain't gonna come running to you.
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    Oct 31, 2010 11:53 PM GMT
    chance86 said
    Indy404 saidYeah this is tough but your story is not unusual...Even SEXY guys get the same treatment at times...Heck, I've been on both ends of this with guys who were WAY better looking and well off than me...

    My attitude is, if we don't click, there's no reason to continue wasting each others time...So we should continue a charade just for politeness?



    Well, when I've talked to some of my other friends about it, they act puzzled or confused as to why this happens to me, which is why I felt so badly about it.

    But I find it hard to believe that I just couldn't click with 15 different guys; I can understand maybe a few I wouldn't click with, but not that many. That's why I think there's something I'm doing wrong to scare guys off or put them off in some way.


    Could you picking the WRONG type of guys to click with?
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    Oct 31, 2010 11:57 PM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent said
    chance86 said
    Indy404 saidYeah this is tough but your story is not unusual...Even SEXY guys get the same treatment at times...Heck, I've been on both ends of this with guys who were WAY better looking and well off than me...

    My attitude is, if we don't click, there's no reason to continue wasting each others time...So we should continue a charade just for politeness?



    Well, when I've talked to some of my other friends about it, they act puzzled or confused as to why this happens to me, which is why I felt so badly about it.

    But I find it hard to believe that I just couldn't click with 15 different guys; I can understand maybe a few I wouldn't click with, but not that many. That's why I think there's something I'm doing wrong to scare guys off or put them off in some way.


    Could you picking the WRONG type of guys to click with?


    I don't know. I usually date guys who have the same interests as me. The only difference really is that most of them have been pretty outgoing, whereas I am not. But like I said in an earlier post, I dated a guy who was even more shy than me.... and he ended up disappearing too.

    I'm sure someone is going to read this who knows me and think that I'm killing off these guys when I say "they disappear", haha.
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    Nov 01, 2010 12:02 AM GMT
    TropicalMark said'Dated' 15 guys and can't put a face pic on a GAY site?

    something is fishy here...



    It's beyond fishy! Only one pic and it's private? His profile is blank. reads like a multiple profile postericon_rolleyes.gif