SOMEONE ASKED ME A QUESTION DO YOU AGREE WITH MY ANWSER?

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    Oct 29, 2010 10:47 PM GMT
    meninlove said "Now couldnt be a better time to be gay, or would you rather have us go back 60 years when we had to hide out at dirty bars and cruise in bathrooms to satisfy our urges?"

    Hmm, where we are we have complete equal rights, so it could get a lot better down there, couldn't it? That now couldn't be a better time to be gay is only as good as each individual's situation, and some are in very very bad situations.

    Lol, who said anything about we would be all better off 60 years ago? That one's a head-scratcher.


    No one mentioned anything about 60 years ago, Im trying to get you to see perspective. Many children, gay or straight, seem to think that their world is somehow much more difficult than it is.

    At least here, I am able to live, there are countries out there who punish homosexuality with the death penalty.

    But maybe im just one of those few who knows how to count my blessings.
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    Oct 29, 2010 10:47 PM GMT
    I understand that in theory meninlove, but in all honesty - why the fuck are we so obsessed with things being easy or good in and of themselves? It's impossible to know how good your life is if you've never experienced bad, and it's impossible for this complex world to ever be easy, so why bring children into the world who will, through the words and deeds of their starry-eyed parents, perpetuate the myth that life has to be easy in order to be worth living?
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    Oct 29, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    UpperCanadian saidBefore I answer, did this conversation even happen?



    Have to agree. The same thought crossed my mind.
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    Oct 29, 2010 10:49 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidI understand that in theory meninlove, but in all honesty - why the fuck are we so obsessed with things being easy or good in and of themselves? It's impossible to know how good your life is if you've never experienced bad, and it's impossible for this complex world to ever be easy, so why bring children into the world who will, through the words and deeds of their starry-eyed parents, perpetuate the myth that life has to be easy in order to be worth living?


    This. Also, being gay doesnt make things "harder." Straight people have stress too, and have their own difficulties to deal with as well.
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    Oct 29, 2010 10:59 PM GMT
    I thought about answering the question merely as a hypothetical, or i could go on to threads that are grounded in reality. There certainly are enough of those and there is nothing to debate here.

    We might as well be discussing if we would we want our children to be cabbages - that conversation probably never happened either.



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    Oct 29, 2010 11:01 PM GMT
    "Also, being gay doesnt make things "harder.""

    Oh yes it does. Crimes against gay people simply because they are gay happens in the US, Canada, in fact in just about every country..

    Find me a straight who is discriminated against for being straight.

    I'm trying hard to think of a problem only straights would have and not gays. Any suggestions? (and not pregnancy or kids, because lesbians get pregnant, and gay men have kids)

    -Doug
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    Oct 29, 2010 11:17 PM GMT
    meninlove said "Also, being gay doesnt make things "harder.""

    Oh yes it does. Crimes against gay people simply because they are gay happens in the US, Canada, in fact in just about every country..

    Find me a straight who is discriminated against for being straight.

    I'm trying hard to think of a problem only straights would have and not gays. Any suggestions? (and not pregnancy or kids, because lesbians get pregnant, and gay men have kids)

    -Doug


    Please go back and re-read my original post. Also, do not take segments of it out of context.

    Everyone has challenges. Does being gay make things harder? Yes it does.

    So does being black. So does being Muslim, so does being a women, and in some cases, so does being a white straight male too.

    Everyone has unique sets of challenges, having a gay son isnt going to make his life harder, because life is hard, period. You cannot take a segment of someone's life and associate that to their entire being.

    I have a friend who is Asian and female, and she is having an uphill battle getting into law school because it is swarmed with female Asians. If I were a parent, would I say "boy I sure wish my child isn't a girl, its gonna be "hard" for her to get into school."

    or If I were a Muslim would I say "Boy, I'm going to raise my child christian, because there are some people out there who hate my religion." Of course not.

    Granted these are extreme examples, however it takes a different kind of person to walk in someone elses shoes, and see things through their eyes. As long as we keep saying life is harder because we are gay, then we only play the victim. People have challenges everywhere, to say that gays have it harder than straights is very ignorant and close minded, as it ignores the multitude of minorities out there that face challenges much like us.
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    Oct 29, 2010 11:58 PM GMT
    badmikeyt saidThey asked you to talk about whether or not you'd want your kids to be gay, not whether or not you wanted them to be victims.

    The more I think about this, the more it pisses me off. If you only want to have kids who will have an easy life, do yourself a favor and don't have kids.



    YOU NAILED IT! GREAT ANSWER BADMILEYT!



    Leandro ♥
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    Oct 30, 2010 12:18 AM GMT
    "Everyone has unique sets of challenges, having a gay son isnt going to make his life harder, because life is hard, period."

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    What's completely intriguing about this is that there have been topics where the question is about being straight if you had a choice and many said yes.

    One infamous topic was about a fictional pill you could take. The answers were surprising and educational.


    -Doug
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    Oct 30, 2010 12:51 AM GMT
    a long time ago, I realized nothing, with the current scientific technology, can change one's sexual orientation. So I gave up wanting and trying to be straight, and just accepted myself. But the sad part is, my family is keep insisting on me to act masculine, make a girlfriend, play sports, etc. when I'm just being myself (being feminine, not interested in girls at all but only boys, being indifferent of sports,...) I come out, ,and I'm well aware of the consequences that come with it. I was especially scared of people who think gays are "gross" and "disgusting" and treat them accordingly. How should you live this world if you're a gay? Life is hard, but I think it is even harder for gays like me. How unfortunate that I was born like this by some unlucky chance. Wow, I'm feeling really sad.
    I just wish I was born like most people (heterosexuals), so that I could live naturally, be myself and express myself freely without any fear.this is how I thought long ago befor I came out and I don't know I guess im just scared if I had a kid and he came up to me and told me''daddy im gay''I just know what I would do,of course I wouldn't kick him out or anything and I do want kids like adopt some day far away from now because trust me I love kids and they love me.I guess im just SCARED and sorry if I offended anyone.

    bkiersted(changes)



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    Oct 30, 2010 1:12 AM GMT
    meninlove said "Everyone has unique sets of challenges, having a gay son isnt going to make his life harder, because life is hard, period."

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    What's completely intriguing about this is that there have been topics where the question is about being straight if you had a choice and many said yes.

    One infamous topic was about a fictional pill you could take. The answers were surprising and educational.


    -Doug


    Ive talked to many straight friends who say they wish they were gay so they didnt have to deal with women.

    Ive talked to Asian friends who said they wish they were white, because life would be easier then.

    Ive talked to women who wish they could change their body, Ive talked to men as well.

    One topic on a realjock board does not prove that gay life is any harder than straight. Also, one topic on the realjock board does not represent the entire gay population.

    People face challenges, being gay doesnt make you different from straight.
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    Oct 30, 2010 1:21 AM GMT
    I would just want my kids to be happy. Being gay is not hard, being closeted it.
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    Oct 30, 2010 1:30 AM GMT
    Perhaps when I was the OP's age I might have agreed. In our teens and through our twenties is when we are really figuring out ourselves, the world, and our place in it. Its a time filled with a lot of growing pains that we want more than anything to escape. However, with age and distance from that rite of passage I would say that I'd much rather be the parent of a gay child than that child be parented by a bigot that would harm them. I believe that the world is a better place because gay, bi, and trans people exist and have learned in life that sometimes the differences between people can be an incredible force bringing them together. Whatever my future children end up being, they will know they are loved and valued no matter what.
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    Oct 30, 2010 1:35 AM GMT
    RudeMech said, " I believe that the world is a better place because gay, bi, and trans people exist and have learned in life that sometimes the differences between people can be an incredible force bringing them together. Whatever my future children end up being, they will know they are loved and valued no matter what."

    I agree completely with this, and feel the same way. The trick is to convince the huge numbers of straights that think and do otherwise.

    -Doug
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    Oct 30, 2010 1:43 AM GMT
    meninlove said RudeMech said, " I believe that the world is a better place because gay, bi, and trans people exist and have learned in life that sometimes the differences between people can be an incredible force bringing them together. Whatever my future children end up being, they will know they are loved and valued no matter what."

    I agree completely with this, and feel the same way. The trick is to convince the huge numbers of straights that think and do otherwise.

    -Doug


    Its moving that way. All that I, or any individual, can do is be the change I want to see by openly sharing my life with those that I come into contact with. I make myself visible and not be afraid!
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    Oct 30, 2010 1:47 AM GMT
    Although I don’t understand how it is that I can view the OP, I’m glad I did:
    Thank you:
    MuscleComeBack
    badmikyt
    and always
    meninlove
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    Oct 30, 2010 1:57 AM GMT
    Gosh thanks dustin. You know, my parents took me being gay pretty hard. Not because they had a problem with it, but because everyone else did and as they told me together, life is hard enough without having gay persecution by bigots on top of it all. Then they gave me big hugs and asked if I wouldn't mind bringing home the men I met for them to meet. So I did. Lots of 'em.

    They went to see 'Boys in the Band' to get a handle on gay life. Oh yikes, what a choice of films to watch, lol! By the end of it they were completely freaked out. They figured I had a rough slog ahead of me surrounded by bitter bitchy men and that it would VERY hard for me to find love.

    -Doug
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    Oct 30, 2010 2:00 AM GMT
    badmikeyt saidI understand that in theory meninlove, but in all honesty - why the fuck are we so obsessed with things being easy or good in and of themselves? It's impossible to know how good your life is if you've never experienced bad, and it's impossible for this complex world to ever be easy, so why bring children into the world who will, through the words and deeds of their starry-eyed parents, perpetuate the myth that life has to be easy in order to be worth living?



    I too was a gay teen who many times felt harassed and threatened by my peers, but what saved me from this "NEEDY AND SCARY SELF" were my parent's wise and eye opening advise for me to stand up, be brave, and stop feeling sorry for myself, because if I didn't I would eventually become a victim of my own demise.


    Leandro ♥
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    Oct 30, 2010 2:02 AM GMT
    ALEZANDER said, "I too was a gay teen who many times felt harassed and threatened by my peers, but what saved me from this "NEEDY AND SCARY" self were my parent's wise and eye opening advise for me to stand up, be brave, and stop feeling sorry for myself, because if I didn't I would eventually become a victim of my own demise."

    Unfortunately TONY has had just the opposite experience with his parents, and attempted suicide.



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    Oct 30, 2010 2:13 AM GMT
    What my child is or isn't or wants isn't what concerns me. It's the world around them willingly inflicting pain on them because of who they are that would be a concern. If I was going to have children, anyway.
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    Oct 30, 2010 2:17 AM GMT
    PRINCETONY said a long time ago, I realized nothing, with the current scientific technology, can change one's sexual orientation. So I gave up wanting and trying to be straight, and just accepted myself. But the sad part is, my family is keep insisting on me to act masculine, make a girlfriend, play sports, etc. when I'm just being myself (being feminine, not interested in girls at all but only boys, being indifferent of sports,...) I come out, ,and I'm well aware of the consequences that come with it. I was especially scared of people who think gays are "gross" and "disgusting" and treat them accordingly. How should you live this world if you're a gay? Life is hard, but I think it is even harder for gays like me. How unfortunate that I was born like this by some unlucky chance. Wow, I'm feeling really sad.
    I just wish I was born like most people (heterosexuals), so that I could live naturally, be myself and express myself freely without any fear.this is how I thought long ago befor I came out and I don't know I guess im just scared if I had a kid and he came up to me and told me''daddy im gay''I just know what I would do,of course I wouldn't kick him out or anything and I do want kids like adopt some day far away from now because trust me I love kids and they love me.I guess im just SCARED and sorry if I offended anyone.

    bkiersted(changes)






    Sweetie I can understand your fears and insecurities, and even thou these feelings subconsciously feels like an emotional security blanket at times, they too are capable of suffocating your freedom or the willingness to just be who you are! having said that just ask yourself one very simple question!

    Should I be a slave to fear or a master to bravery!?


    Leandro ♥
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    Oct 30, 2010 2:33 AM GMT
    I would want my child to feel like he/she can be free to be whomever they want to be. Gay, Straight, Bi, Transgender, it makes no difference to me. I feel like I had, and still do, a hard time feeling free to express myself because of the riducule that I would get. My parents always seemed tolerant, but only if it was exactly what they wanted. I want my child to feel like they can talk to me about any problem. It's not about having a hard life. There are plenty of people that have had a hard life not having to deal with sexual orientation. I know that everyone has a different level of difficulty feeling free to express themselves, but that is what we can change as the upcoming generation. We can get rid of the intolerance, and hate that people have and just accept one another no matter how they turn out. So, no I wouldn't be any less happy if my child turned out gay or lesbian. I would want him or her to make the best decisions in his/her life and help others in the process.
  • EricLA

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    Oct 30, 2010 2:42 AM GMT
    Tony, I think given where you are in life and your experiences, that your answer is understandable. However, you are still very close to the most negative experiences. You have not lived long enough as an out man to have experienced all the joys life will bring you.

    I'm not sure you can be objective. You have been through some big challenges and rejection. No one can weigh the effect of that. So, I respect your answer. But I hope given time you will reach a different answer.

    But, perhaps you should look at it this way: your being gay is not what has caused your rejections -- it's your family's bigotry and narrow-mindedness. You don't blame the minority for their bashing, you blame the bigot. So, yes, you've had a tough time, but it's because of who you were born not what you were born.
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    Oct 30, 2010 2:59 AM GMT
    You unblocked me why?
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    Oct 30, 2010 3:17 AM GMT
    *Oh no, I wouldn't want my kids to be gay--growing up gay is hard! I NEVER want my child to go through anything difficult in life!*

    Note sarcasm.

    I am who I am today because of all the shit I have been through. All my morals, values, beliefs, passions, and knowledge base have been greatly influenced by adversities I have suffered through.

    How boring would life be if everything went as planned and without challenges? How many Martin Luther King Jrs, Einsteins, Tubmans, Schindlers, and Kennedeys would be erased from history if everyone always took the road less traveled--the easier walk in life?

    No, I will not shelter my future adopted child(ern) from all dangers in his/her childhood/adolescents—I want them to create character and grow up to be all that they are capable of. Most of all, I want them to be happy. And along the way, My future partner and I will guide my child(ern) down the road of independence, coping skills, critical thought, and problem solving so that they may survive whatever Life throws at them.

    At least that Is what I will strive for as a parent.