Could you look past a guy's insecurities/neediness if he's really, REALLY hot?

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  Nov 13, 2010 10:40 PM GMT

  I've been trying to convince my friend Josh to ditch this guy he's been dating for the last few weeks because the guy, whom we shall call "Starshine", is beyond needy and insecure. He's constantly texting Josh and getting upset if he doesn't get an immediate response; he gets mad at Josh about the most ridiculous little things--- and they've only known each other for three weeks!
  
  But here's the kicker--- Josh admitted that he won't normally put up with that kind of behavior in a guy, and I've been around him enough to know this is the truth, but he says that because Starshine is gorgeous (which he is), he can look past it. Which is the most ridiculous, shallow thing I have ever heard.
  
  However, I was wondering to myself today if maybe every guy is like this and can put up with insane behavior as long as the guy is model-esque like Starshine.
  
  What do you guys think? If the guy you just started dating was stunningly gorgeous, would you be able to look past his insecurities and neediness?
  Be honest!
  
  

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• tuffguyndc
  
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  Nov 14, 2010 12:19 AM GMT

  run_mikey_run saidI've been trying to convince my friend Josh to ditch this guy he's been dating for the last few weeks because the guy, whom we shall call "Starshine", is beyond needy and insecure. He's constantly texting Josh and getting upset if he doesn't get an immediate response; he gets mad at Josh about the most ridiculous little things--- and they've only known each other for three weeks!
  
  But here's the kicker--- Josh admitted that he won't normally put up with that kind of behavior in a guy, and I've been around him enough to know this is the truth, but he says that because Starshine is gorgeous (which he is), he can look past it. Which is the most ridiculous, shallow thing I have ever heard.
  
  However, I was wondering to myself today if maybe every guy is like this and can put up with insane behavior as long as the guy is model-esque like Starshine.
  
  What do you guys think? If the guy you just started dating was stunningly gorgeous, would you be able to look past his insecurities and neediness?
  Be honest!
  
  

  
  Hell no that makes anyone unattractive to me.

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  Nov 14, 2010 12:21 AM GMT

  Ahh... I must admit to being guilty of dating a guy (actually two) that was a little off in the head; one was a shallow, dumb, and cheap (I paid for everything) and the other one was just a little crazy. And not the cute kind of crazy, but the Joker from Batman kind of crazy.... And yeah, I'll admit to dating them for a extended portion of time because they were amazing to look at & great in bed.

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  Nov 14, 2010 12:22 AM GMT

  completely agree that and jealousy

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  Nov 14, 2010 12:22 AM GMT

  Short-term, maybe. Long-term, forget it unless there's some solution in process.

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  Nov 14, 2010 1:21 AM GMT

  
  
  Looks help, but it doesn't get you anywhere... There is more to the person than looks... That's what I seek, if I see a cute guy he's better got something else backing those looks up in terms of his personality...
  
  Why go through so much drama to obtain a Ken doll?

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• MarvelClimber
  
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  Nov 14, 2010 1:29 AM GMT

  Never long-term. Short-term, sure, if I was lonely in that way. He's got to put out quick and he must be EXCELLENT in bed, that is to say, at least as good as me.

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  Nov 14, 2010 1:30 AM GMT

  Short term for sure.

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  Nov 14, 2010 1:44 AM GMT

  HisAlterEgo saidHe's got to put out quick and he must be EXCELLENT in bed, that is to say, at least as good as me.

  
  
  I like that....

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• masculumpedes
  
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  Nov 14, 2010 1:45 AM GMT

  A guy's looks only go so far....

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  Nov 14, 2010 1:50 AM GMT

  Looks can only go so far. Even the prettiest girl or most handsome man in the world would become 'ugly' if they had a terrible attitude or severe insecurities.
  
  Having said that, I like guys to show me their insecurities and not get hung up about them too much -- being confident with their insecurities instead of hiding them. We all have insecurities, and I sure as hell have too lol!!

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  Nov 14, 2010 2:29 AM GMT

  I had an ex who was really insecure like that and I always tried to tell him he wasn't ugly or that I did care about him. It got to the point where if I didn't do something he'd say, "you don't love." So I'd roll my eyes and say "yes, I don't love you." But after a few months of that I finally broke it off with him. I told him that he needed to get past his insecurities and love himself before he can get into another relationship. I know an acquaintance who ended up dating him and is having the same problem. Some guys will never get past their insecurities.

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  Nov 14, 2010 2:37 AM GMT

  For a hookup, sure. For a long term friendship, maybe...too many variables for a solid answer.
  But I will admit that the "first impression" says a lot, even if the first impression is "he's hot!"

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  Nov 14, 2010 4:43 AM GMT

  I will test the waters because of the mutual interest we would have in each other (Just dealt with this myself). The problem occurs when there is no growth or progression. With what just happened to me, that was the deal breaker. After a couple of months, I ended it to avoid us resenting each other and fortunately we are still friends as we were before we started dating. If the ONLY reason your pal is keeping him around is because he is 'HOT', both of them are going to be sadly disappointed.

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• JPATL
  
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  Nov 14, 2010 4:50 AM GMT

  I'm actually going through the same thing at the moment. the guy is cute but I'm so turned off when a guy becomes needy and texts too much. I will easily let a guy go, don't care how hot he is.

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  Nov 14, 2010 4:52 AM GMT

  Insecurities and neediness are two different things but regardless no I wouldn't just because of looks.

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  Nov 14, 2010 4:53 AM GMT

  Unfortunately not, that behavior isn't attractive. (neediness)

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  Nov 14, 2010 4:57 AM GMT

  Nope, been there, tried it. We lasted for 2 weeks and broke up. 2 months later we tried it again, only lasted 1 week. Lesson learned.

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• CraigerS
  
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  Nov 14, 2010 5:07 AM GMT

  If he's ridiculously beautiful... then the only criteria is that he not be an axe-murderer.
  
  
  
  JK
  
  I think I would tire of that kind of behavior in less than three weeks. Fuck-buddy maybe. Relationship... hell no.

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  Nov 14, 2010 5:11 AM GMT

  Maybe for like 2 days. With lots of no clothes time. Then I'd probably be like, STFU and/or GTFO.

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  Nov 14, 2010 5:29 AM GMT

  Nope

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• cityguy39
  
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  Nov 14, 2010 5:31 AM GMT

  I don't give a crap how good the sex is or how hot he is, the first sign of snooping on my cell phone or computer or any Glenn Close "Fatal Attraction" type of behavior I'm outta there!!! I have been through all of that shit before. Yes crazy sex can be good but it's so not worth it in the end.

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  Nov 14, 2010 5:36 AM GMT

  sadly being really really hot doesn't mask serious character or personality flaws!

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  Nov 14, 2010 5:37 AM GMT

  run_mikey_run saidBut here's the kicker--- Josh admitted that he won't normally put up with that kind of behavior in a guy, and I've been around him enough to know this is the truth, but he says that because Starshine is gorgeous (which he is), he can look past it. Which is the most ridiculous, shallow thing I have ever heard.

  
  
  I don't think he's shallow at all. He would be shallow if, impressed by his good looks, he ascribed qualities to this guy that he doesn't actually have. It's not what happened: he's entirely conscious that his indulgence is due to his good looks, and he knows this pretty guy is a loser. There's nothing shallow about it, it's actually very conscious and honest. He's probably tolerating him because sex is good, or because he hopes to have sex with him some day, and because his lame character is something he can put up with for now.
  
  Let's not be hypocritical by criticizing others who give special benefits to good looking people when we're doing everything we can to look our best to attain these very advantages.

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  Nov 14, 2010 6:00 AM GMT

  What do you think "mercy fucks" are for?
  
  How else are those with low self-esteem going to get feeling better about themselves?
  
  This is especially true if they are hot.
  
  I love making shy boys "fly".

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