Nov 18, 2010 12:38 AM GMT
Like a lot of people I'm sure, I've had what I call a personal slip up. I fucked up. I wont make excuses and try to justify it. Plain and simple, I fucked up. Now since fucking up, I've been in a monogamous relationship for several years...but...since starting the relationship, I'd never been tested. I was too afraid. We did everything that years deep couples do without second thoughts. I know from his end he was okay because he was a virgin in every sense. We've had long discussions about how things would play out if I were to have something and I feel secure on that side of things...but on the eve of getting my test results I'm eating myself alive. I can't even think. I've been tested many times before but was never worried because I'd never been that guy. For the first time I'm worried because I have real reason to be worried. I'm bouncing off the walls literally. I'm shaking as I type. The last couple weeks waiting for results day has been increasingly rough. I'm ready to drive off a bridge now, how the hell am I supposed to get through the next day, weeks and years if my result is positive?