Dealing with Parent's Empty Nest Syndrome?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2010 4:54 PM GMT
    I've recently come out and moved to NYC last month, as some here already know.

    I'm staying with relatives until I find a place of my own and a stable job. My parent's seemed fine with this until my sister moved out into her own place last week.

    I get a call from them saying I should "stay with them for a while" when I go back for Thanksgiving and yesterday I learn my mother isn't going to let me go back to NYC.icon_eek.gif Move back to Midwest suburbia even though I'm going on interviews, slowly making friends and surprisingly not burning through my savings...? I'm an adult too.

    This makes me think the might be suffering from empty nest syndrome because I'm an adult and they had a habit of being overprotective (better than the opposite but still)

    My mother worried about me getting taken "advantage" of in NYC because I'm gay- as if straight people don't get taken advantage of. I don't even go to gay clubs or bars. I guess she doesn't know there are all kinds of gay people out there. They're also worried about me being the victim of a hate crime. I know to be careful.

    They're also worried I'm becoming a burden on my relatives even though my aunt and uncle are fine with having me stay with them and understand it takes a while for a newcomer to get settled. Plus, they like that I help out around the house and I'm very lucky because most people who relocate to NYC don't have anyone they can stay with rent free until they get settled. I don't want to overstay my welcome though and the 1 hour commute down into the city is a motivating factor to find my own place.

    I've been on five interviews in the past two weeks- more than I've been on in the past year from where I moved from (Chicago). NYC is one of the safest major cities and there is no city with 0% crime rate.

    Sorry for the long thread but have anyone's parent's reacted like this when they moved out? How did you deal with it? I don't want a blowup at the Thanksgiving table and want to handle the situation appropriately.
  • AvadaKedavra

    Posts: 3554

    Nov 18, 2010 5:30 PM GMT
    Sounds to me like you're really lucky to have parents that care so much about you. I have friends who were forced out of the house when they hit 18.

    I've been out of the house since 18. When I moved out to attend college my mom would call me everyday to see how things were going and asking me if I was going to come home on the weekend for the first month. After a while she only called me on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays to see if I was coming home. Eventually she stopped calling regularly and only called a week or so before a holiday. Now I hardly hear from her unless its a major holiday like thanksgiving, Christmas, new years or my nephew's birthday (I think she has pretty much focused all her nurturing attention on him).

    I think as time progresses she'll slowly let go. I remember I had to keep my mom updated on everything so that she does not worry about whether I had enough food, had enough sleep, if I was keeping warm, etc. I think she eventually realized that I can take care of myself so she stopped worrying. She also found things to do with her new found time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2010 6:12 PM GMT
    It's definitely empty-nest-syndrome. It will get better. I was forced to move back into the downstairs apartment at my parents house earlier this year and moved out again about 6 weeks ago. She does not want to rent it out as "Andreas might get sick and he'll need a place to stay..." Mind you, I'm 37, have been on my own for the past 13 years. Value your mom for being concerned about you, but be nice to her... family is all you have when the shit hits the fan.