Is there such a thing as the right time?

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  Nov 27, 2010 4:20 AM GMT

  So it happens to all of us. You start talking to a guy, you meet the guy, you get a good vibe, and then the first unofficial date comes to an end. So what is next? Who should text first? Should you explicitly state how you felt immediately afterwards or withold words and play cool for some time? On the paper, everyone seems to appreciate honesty but you state what you feel for the sake of honesty right after hanging out and the other person dissappears. Please can somebody tell me the rules? Is there any guidelines for going on a date? They should have a ''date tips for dummies'' book
  
  

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  Nov 27, 2010 2:07 PM GMT

  I'm a big believer in being honest with my feelings. I know I don't want to go through a relationship having to keep my natural personality in check all the time, so it seems smart to be pretty natural from the beginning. But just to be clear, I don't stalk the guy, or make him think I'm desperate, but I'll definitely let him know I had a good time and look forward to hanging out again sometime. I also try to be sure that our "dates" are pretty active, interesting and fun stuff so that you can learn about each other. Not just a coffee or movie or dinner. Hope that helps.

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  Nov 27, 2010 2:14 PM GMT

  Yep...Set a date for the next date... When can our schedules match to meet up again...
  This will give you a goal to work towards. Dating is part of life. Goals are part of life.
  You work out? You set Goals, achieve them, and set the next one.
  Why try to create something when you have made accomplishments in one area.
  The rules are pretty much the same.
  
  I agree with LAX... Tell him how you feel, and let him know that you appreciate the time that you have spent together.
  If he calls, you tell him thank you for the call. Be polite.
  
  I'm going through something similar right now. I was told that the 'other guy' doesn't have all the qualities that the guy I'm interested in seeing wants. So, I'm just being me, it's not strange not being yourself. More than once I have gotten the call 'I wanted to talk to you, hear your voice, see how YOU are doing'...
  
  I think guys tend to go to the road with less friction (self included), so If you are a good guy, why should you offer friction. He'll come back to your door. And then you can hang the tie on the doorhandle so the roomates stay away! LOL
  
  Cheers.

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• LJay
  
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  Nov 27, 2010 2:21 PM GMT

  If you got together over the weekend, call him in the middle of the next week and tell him you had a great time and would like to hang out again soon. You don't want to call on Friday night and expect a meeting ASAP. Calling on a work night will be contact, but not pressure.
  
  There is no rule book. It is just part of being you. Relax and try things until you find what works for you.

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  Nov 27, 2010 4:50 PM GMT

  
  I've always been honest and expressed my feelings when I thought it was right... But that's the thing, it was when I thought it was right and the last two times I tried to express how I felt, I did not get rejected I got the I don't know answer... The open ended answer... I would rather hear someone say, I'm not into you, or sorry, I like you but you ain't my style...
  
  I prefer to hear the truth and accept my rejection than to have no clue... When someone doesn't give you an answer its like being rejected without being sure how they truly feel.
  
  
  When i thought it was the right time, it wasn't... So I guess my timing is just way off.

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  Nov 27, 2010 9:13 PM GMT

  dragondevil said
  and the last two times I tried to express how I felt, I did not get rejected I got the I don't know answer... The open ended answer... I would rather hear someone say, I'm not into you, or sorry, I like you but you ain't my style....

  
  
  I hear ya dragondevil. The last time I expressed my feelings, I got the answer ''Sure, we should hang out'' and I have not heard from the guy since. I do not know which answer is worse. An ingenuine ''yes'' or an enigmatic ''I do not know''.

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  Nov 27, 2010 9:26 PM GMT

  winsomesmile said

  dragondevil said
  and the last two times I tried to express how I felt, I did not get rejected I got the I don't know answer... The open ended answer... I would rather hear someone say, I'm not into you, or sorry, I like you but you ain't my style....

  
  
  I hear ya dragondevil. The last time I expressed my feelings, I got the answer ''Sure, we should hang out'' and I have not heard from the guy since. I do not know which answer is worse. An ingenuine ''yes'' or an enigmatic ''I do not know''.

  
  
  I'd rather have the 'i dont know' response, because that way you can still work on convincing him; On the other hand, if you have to convince him, then he's probably not worth your time.
  At that point I DECIDE if I want him or not.
  But yes, Honesty is always a good thing. At least you know where you stand, and you move on from there.

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  Nov 27, 2010 9:35 PM GMT

  Do we really want honesty when there are no absolutes? Then we are confined into trials of denial...'this happended, that happened. Honesty is truth and truth hurts... On the other side of truth we feel better about ourselves.
  
  When is the right time? When is the wrong time? Only when the truth is clear.

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  Nov 28, 2010 3:31 PM GMT

  Right times, wrong times, neither really exist as a formula because what's OK for some is not OK for others.
  
  Bill fell for me the night we met. He called the next day (NO TEXTING TOO IMPERSONAL unless you have a skill with the written word to convey emotion without coming on too strong). In those days there was only email for some, or for many a note slipped under the apartment door.
  
  Did he blurt out all the feelings he was feeling? No. He knew how he felt, and gave me room to discover how I felt. He called the next day just to say hi and that he has a great time and what was I up to this evening because he thought grabbing a burger would be nice. I was thrilled. His voice exuded a quiet internalized confidence and genuineness that coloured his words and tone of voice. I couldn't wait, lol!
  
  -Doug
  
  

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  Nov 28, 2010 8:36 PM GMT

  
  
  In your case Doug, both of you knew what you wanted... Took your steps carefully and ended up happy with someone who also wanted you in return...
  
  You see, we are finding a conflict here of people giving us the intent of wanting more, but in the end once we let the cat out of the bag, they do not follow through... Have we been misreading the signals and are confused about ourselves? NO!
  
  That's the problem! Guys need to man up and not string someone along just to get attention or whatever... Playing with emotions is harmful, and with that said all I can say is Karma... It'll come back to them in a bad way some how...

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  Nov 29, 2010 2:17 AM GMT

  dragondevil said
  That's the problem! Guys need to man up and not string someone along just to get attention or whatever... Playing with emotions is harmful, and with that said all I can say is Karma... It'll come back to them in a bad way some how...

  
  
  Nicely put. I totally agree with you.

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  Nov 29, 2010 3:26 AM GMT

  dragondevil said
  
  In your case Doug, both of you knew what you wanted... Took your steps carefully and ended up happy with someone who also wanted you in return...
  
  You see, we are finding a conflict here of people giving us the intent of wanting more, but in the end once we let the cat out of the bag, they do not follow through... Have we been misreading the signals and are confused about ourselves? NO!
  
  That's the problem! Guys need to man up and not string someone along just to get attention or whatever... Playing with emotions is harmful, and with that said all I can say is Karma... It'll come back to them in a bad way some how...

  
  
  It will.
  
  Consider that both of us walked in your shoes and the OPs for a considerable number of years before we met each other. Failed relationships and flaky men are what we learned from, refusing to let them control our futures or present. By the time we met it was rather easy to tell the kind of man each of us is.
  
  -Doug

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