Disowned for being gay?

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  Dec 13, 2010 12:18 AM GMT

  This is my first post. Has any one been disowned by family/parents for being out I only ask because I've finally come to terms with bieng gay but am too scared to come out because my parents have made it clear that they would be willing to do so and I want to know if this has ever happened

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• masculumpedes
  
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  Dec 13, 2010 12:21 AM GMT

  Yes

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  Dec 13, 2010 12:30 AM GMT

  thats terrible
  be strong

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  Dec 13, 2010 12:30 AM GMT

  Oh

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  Dec 13, 2010 12:31 AM GMT

  I know this isn't right, but if you don't have a way to support yourself I wouldn't tell your parents. Maybe talk to a guidance consular or someone you trust 100% will keep your confidently. You’re 18 the economy is rough I assume you live with your parents so don’t upset the apple cart or bite the hand that feeds you so to speak.
  
  Keep in mind life won't always be this way stay focused on school or a good occupation and you can live what ever lifestyle you want and you'll find people who will accept you for you

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  Dec 13, 2010 12:33 AM GMT

  Yeah lie about it until but put money aside to have your own appartment.
  When you'll have your own place they wont ask too many questions

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  Dec 13, 2010 12:38 AM GMT

  I milked the parent-cow for as long as possible, it's not a bad deal.
  
  If you decide to tell them, you're taking that matter into your hands and giving yourself that power. Most of the cases I know of go better than people expected.
  
  Worst-case scenario is probably that things get tough, but not impossible.
  
  It's a decision you've got to make for yourself, but whatever it is, believe that you'll survive it and be stronger for it.

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  Dec 13, 2010 12:44 AM GMT

  If you're out on your own, living on your own and have a job etc.. Then i would say do what you want.
  
  If you're still living under them financially, i'd say reconsider till you're out on your own and have your own life setup.. That way if something WERE to happen (not saying it will) you'd be all set to live your life comfortably and with out dependance on them.
  
  Make sense?

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  Dec 13, 2010 12:54 AM GMT

  Thank you all I guess that day will have to wait
  

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• masculumpedes
  
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  Dec 13, 2010 12:57 AM GMT

  caged saidThank you all I guess that day will have to wait
  

  
  
  
  Coming from someone who has been there when things did not go well....I think you made the correct decision.

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  Dec 13, 2010 12:58 AM GMT

  My parents will disown me for being gay once they find out...that's why I'm waiting so that I am financially and emotionally independent before telling them (that's if I decide to tell them since I'll live in a different country most of the time).

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  Dec 13, 2010 1:05 AM GMT

  snowboarder saidYeah lie about it until but put money aside to have your own appartment.
  When you'll have your own place they wont ask too many questions

  
  
  I know it sounds bad, but I have to agree. This economy is INCREDIBLY BAD right now. If you are disowned/kicked out, you'll catch hell trying to find income on your own as an eighteen year old guy. Unless you are able to find someone willing to let you live with them free of charge, you might be better off not to come out or draw attention to yourself until you are able to be independent financially.

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  Dec 13, 2010 1:05 AM GMT

  I made the mistake of coming out to my parents in early undergrad. They disowned me and withdrew all financial support. The college was scared of repercussion from the alumni board via my parents and did nothing to help me. It has been a long difficult road since. That was just over ten years ago and not much has changed with our relationship...or lack thereof. In short, I think you are doing the right thing to protect yourself until your undergrad studies are done and you are either financially ready or accepted into graduate school.

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  Dec 13, 2010 1:07 AM GMT

  On this subject I like to quote a bit of scripture that is reported to be in the bible. "why throw your pearls before the swine?" Your sexuality is yours and yours alone, tell people who are accepting, and with those who would disown you over it, just keep it to yourself. Its your pearl, don't let anyone destroy it.

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  Dec 13, 2010 1:15 AM GMT

  well, i'm 18 now, my mom found out last year and she ran some bs about how i've betrayed her and stuff like that..then she told my dad and now they've come to terms with it but they don't want me going out of the house...ever...and it has made living increasingly difficult, my advice, same as some guy's up there: do it when you've got your own place, i didn't even come out to my mom actually, she just saw an email i sent to my ex open and just went thru the rest of the mails :/, so yeah, do it when you're not living with them, c'os telling them something they don't wanna hear is going to do one primary thing, drive you all apart, and not that that's a bad thing, but you might end up in some really crappy financial shit, i know i did, so i began escorting and got a little money for myself do it when you're on you're own, you'll be infinitely happier

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  Dec 13, 2010 1:33 AM GMT

  short answer... YES. It sure erupted family relationships but I am completely happy that i did it because it shows me how much I really want to invest into my parents. Instead, i am able to invest my time and efforts into building a new family, starting with a boyfriend and go from there.
  
  It isnt like i came flying out of the closet, but some of my aunts and uncles know and it is just an accepted thing.

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  Dec 13, 2010 1:40 AM GMT

  caged saidThis is my first post. Has any one been disowned by family/parents for being out I only ask because I've finally come to terms with bieng gay but am too scared to come out because my parents have made it clear that they would be willing to do so and I want to know if this has ever happened

  
  Your parents can disown you for any reason they want, even the way you part your hair. Who or what they make their heir is their legal right. If being gay is a reason they would disown you (and disinherit you as well I presume), then you have to decide if that's something you don't want to lose, and act accordingly.
  
  Unfortunately, in this case they control the game. The only thing is to decide how important it is to you, and then the issue of what to do is made.
  
  If they have little to offer you anyway, it's a small loss and so do what you like. I gather it won't be a devastating emotional loss on your part, if this is the way they think. Ya know, there usually comes a time when we get kicked out of the nest, pleasantly or unpleasantly, and we have to fly on our own.
  
  If they're millionaires, there's a lot more at stake. And you'd be justified to act along more mercenary lines. So what describes your situation with them?

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• masculumpedes
  
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  Dec 13, 2010 1:46 AM GMT

  Art_Deco said
  If they have little to offer you anyway, it's a small loss and so do what you like.

  
  
  I have to disagree....I grew up dirt poor with 9 people living in a 2 bedroom home. My parents had nothing material to offer me....but it hurt like hell when I lost my family.

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• masculumpedes
  
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  Dec 13, 2010 1:50 AM GMT

  navi_leinad saidI'll share my friends story so it won't be so one sided. My friend he came out to his parent's if I remember right a year ago, his family were harsh about it and well he would spend his days and nights mostly over at his boyfriend's house who lived next door although he still lived at home and his life was strained a bit more than usual. Anywho lately he told me is that they have been better about it lately and well invited his boyfriend over to the house for dinner one night a few weeks ago. So I'm thinking the relationship is better, but he wasn't kicked out of his home and well he didn't have a job

  
  
  
  I am sure many situations do turn out well. One of my ex's was an only child and came out to his parents. They were very supportive and continued to pay his way through college, bought him a home and even set him up in his own business.

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• KissTheSky
  
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  Dec 13, 2010 1:54 AM GMT

  I agreee with everyone who said don't tell your parents until you're financially on your own and stable. Also, I don't think anyone should feel bad about doing that, and I don't consider it "lying."
  Everyone has the right to keep some things to themselves under certain circumstances. Do your parents tell you every single detail about THEIR private lives? (Probaly not, thankfully.)
  

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  Dec 13, 2010 2:01 AM GMT

  I waited long into adulthood before telling my family. Mostly because, for a long time, I never felt like it was anybody's business. Fear about their reaction is only natural too. Must agree about waiting until you're set on your own if you have any question about how badly they might possibly react.
  
  Usually, the parents biggest concern is not getting any grandchildren from you, but some are more religious or uptight about the whole thing.
  
  Only you can decide when it's right to clue them in.

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  Dec 13, 2010 2:26 AM GMT

  I was.
  
  Even assaulted, and had domestic violence from my own family. Even two years after being out it happened.
  
  
  I'm technically homeless right now, but I'm much happier being away from a "family". You'll find out that if they're that way, family means nothing with or without connective blood.

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• MrNomis
  
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  Dec 13, 2010 2:36 AM GMT

  ShinyToyTrev saidI was.
  
  Even assaulted, and had domestic violence from my own family. Even two years after being out it happened.
  
  I'm technically homeless right now, but I'm much happier being away from a "family". You'll find out that if they're that way, family means nothing with or without connective blood.

  -- that's horrible.. i been in your shoes just not the assaulted part.. i am so glad you are a very strong man and i know it gets better.. trust me it will..

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  Dec 13, 2010 2:49 AM GMT

  whatever you do..dont come out until your financially secure...if you can take care of yourself do it..but until then keep your mouth shut..im so sick of everyone saying come out youll feel better....wrong..if you know your parents are like that then you milk them for all they have..get a couple bachelors degree out of them then come out. Id never advise anyone to come out to their parents unless they can face the after effects of doing so.

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  Dec 13, 2010 2:53 AM GMT

  caged saidThis is my first post. Has any one been disowned by family/parents for being out I only ask because I've finally come to terms with bieng gay but am too scared to come out because my parents have made it clear that they would be willing to do so and I want to know if this has ever happened

  
  So don't tell them.

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