I was married at one time and one of the guys I hooked up with on the DL told me this once.. and it changed my life
"I'm going to be rough with you verbally. (I had been rough with him already LOL)
You have three choices right now
1. Prepare yourself financially, emotionally and physically to tell your wife and move out immediately. She will try to keep it together, but usually that does not work. Tell her you want to be romantically involved with someone you are sexually attracted to.
2. Keep on doing this on the side and you will eventually get caught.. always
these things have a way of percolating up.
3. Stop having same sex encounters, no internet, no porn."
I thought he was nuts..but I eventually realized he was right as I met more and more men who had #2 fall on their heads and ended up sleeping in their cars and not seeing their kids for years. Or ones that chose #3 (for a while) only to turn into bitter people.
I put money away, found a place to live temporarily, told her one night when the kids were away and began the journey to my real life..