Should making friends and meeting people be this DIFFICULT?

  • daydreamer85

    Posts: 80

    Mar 25, 2008 4:50 PM GMT
    My shyness stops me from approaching people I find interesting. Can you guys help me out with tips on starting and mantaining strong friendships particularly with gay guys?

    I quite lonely...
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    Mar 25, 2008 6:34 PM GMT
    Shyness is a cool trait in some peoples eyes so just be yourself buddy. There is nothing you can do to hide it most of the time so just be shy and try to start a conversation. Finding people with like hobbies is probably the easiest way to make new friends, it lets your natural character come to life and make you seem more confident!

    Rock On.
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    Mar 25, 2008 6:38 PM GMT
    I have found humor to be a great way to break the ice. When I want to talk to someone I find interesting, I usually start with trying a witty/lame oneliner lol. Or if it's on here, I will usually give an attempted humorous comment on their pics. Some like it and some don't but you never know till ya try. All in all I say just be yourself, cuz you want them to like you for you.

    And if all else fails....tranquilizer darts and chocolate cake have been known to work...err...that is...DAMN! gave away another of my secrets!
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    Mar 25, 2008 6:39 PM GMT
    I always recommend that you don't worry it too much. You cannot force much in life. Let it happen. Let you happen. Some live faster than others. But too much worry about men and romance rarely produces a decent harvest.
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    Mar 25, 2008 6:59 PM GMT
    First, attend venues that attract gay guys.

    Second, find a guy who you'd like to talk to. Is he attractive, or funny, or the most approachable?

    Begin with a compliment, or a question, like: Where did you get those shoes...I've been looking for shoes like that.

    After the answer, thank him, and introduce yourself. He may offer his own name.

    If you are funny, offer some self-deprecating humor about yourself that doesn't make you sound pathetic or fishing. It may be about the topic, shoes. If he laughs, offer to buy him a drink (or a mango, or more shoes) if you're in a bar (or the produce section, or a shoe store).

    Mention that drinking makes you loose and easy, but limp and sleepy. Remind him the best way to get to know you is to get you drunk, because he may relate well to the loose, easy, limp, sleepy version of you. This is a particularly good strategy if you are normally tight, combative, tense and manic. If he agrees that he'd like you in the loose and easy state, buy yourself a drink (if you're at a bar) if he has not already offered to buy your drink.

    Keep reminding him that he's not getting to know the real you, and that if he's liking the new you to keep the drinks coming.

    When you wake up, be careful to clean up any mess you've made (hopefully before he awakens). Order room service (if you're in a nice place), or make breakfast (if you're at your or his place). Leave it near his night-stand with a note, then leave for a brisk walk.

    Talk to the old lady with the dog in the park.

    When you return to the [hotel, room, flat, house] check to see if your new friend ate breakfast. If he did, it's a good sign. If not, give it to the dog in the park and learn how to cook better.
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    Mar 25, 2008 7:14 PM GMT
    simplydario said
    I quite lonely...


    I quit lonely

    You've got to take the first steps.
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    Mar 25, 2008 7:32 PM GMT
    In my experience, shyness has a lot to do with insecurity. I find it hard to approach people because of the fear of rejection or, at least, that the other person won't find me interesting.

    Why not join a club or association? Volunteer for an LGBT group. Participate in their activities. Get yourself comfy with the idea of talking to new people and building new relationships.

    All the best!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Mar 26, 2008 10:28 AM GMT
    As someone who is pretty shy himself
    I can only say its a work in progress
    make sure that you put yourself into social situations
    because its a thing that builds upon itself
    if you don't meet with people and talk to people you become even more uncomfortable with time
    like the guys have said go out to meetings and different clubs
    and put yourself out there
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    Mar 27, 2008 12:35 AM GMT
    The good news is that shyness is something that can be overcome. You may have to fake it at first, but most people won't know the difference.

    I used to never be able to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Then I took a job that required me to do a lot of networking (mostly at casual, social events) and to initiate conversation. I learned to do it and now it seems perfectly natural to me. It's a very valuable skill and it definitely has benefits in many aspects of your life.

    And something I learned along the way is that most people actually welcome having someone come and talk to them because they're feeling just as awkward and shy as you.

    Think about how relieved you'd feel if someone came up to you and started conversation. Now, just be that guy that starts the conversation. Rarely will you get scorned.
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    Mar 30, 2008 8:59 PM GMT
    Just don't do it too much lest everyone think you're a "slut". icon_smile.gif

    Tip from a coming out session I attended today: do NOT ask about their sign. Or if they like long walks on the beach.

    Tip from an ex: start out with something simple: "that's a really nice sweater you're wearing. Where's it from?" It'll put them - and you! - at ease.
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    Mar 31, 2008 2:33 PM GMT
    Read their profile, get to know them, find what commons you have as a break point of communication between you.

    Good luck