POLITE BEHAVIOR: Is It Important To You?

• HndsmKansan
  
  Posts: 16869
  
  
  Mar 27, 2008 9:59 PM GMT

  OK, so this has nothing to do with anything gay, I'm just curious and you can give your input on two "polite behaviors" which I value, is practiced daily and really come to expect from others. Do you or is this a Kansas thing? Give your comments on either, both or something else
  
  1) Holding the door for the person behind you when you are in public. I always look behind me and hold the door if I'm going into a public building. More times than not I get thanked and 80% of the time people do it for me.
  
  
  2) On the Interstate you move from the right hand lane over to the inside lane as you approach traffic merging (getting on to the interstate).
  Sometimes its impossible... but when it is, I get my butt over for someone to get on. In Kansas we do it, more than 50% of the time.
  
  When someone doesn't (and could have) I usually make a comment under my breath and proceed.
  
  And you?

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  Mar 27, 2008 10:04 PM GMT

  Just like putting the toilet seat back down, these are things my dear mommy instilled in me from an early age and I've never given second thought to...it's just automatic.
  
  When people don't do such things, I don't assume they weren't taught to be polite...I just figure maybe what constitutes a considerate action might vary a bit here and there.

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• MikePhilPerez
  
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  Mar 27, 2008 10:31 PM GMT

  It's very important to me.
  
  I always hold the door for the person behind me.
  
  As for the driving thing, I always try to be polite when driving, but sometimes when I'm stressed out and late, I have to admit, I can be a little rude behind the wheel

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  Mar 27, 2008 10:44 PM GMT

  HndsmKansan, I completely agree with you. I always try to hold the door and appreciate it when people do the same. It's just a nice, polite thing to do.
  
  Here are a couple others that have to do with driving on the freeway:
  
  1) If you are in the left lane and not passing traffic to the right and vehicles are behind you, you should move to the right to allow vehicles to pass.
  
  2) If there is a vehicle or people stopped on the side of the road, either merge left or slow down and bias yourself to the left a little to make some room. I've heard too many stories where people, cops, vehicles have been hit by vehicles who stray too close to the side of the road.
  

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  Mar 27, 2008 10:48 PM GMT

  Yeah, I can't stand it when people are driving slowly in the left-hand lane. Maddening! Just get over to the right, you're obviously not in a hurry!

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  Mar 27, 2008 11:26 PM GMT

  I think overall people should just be polite and respect those around them. Rudeness is not attractive.

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  Mar 27, 2008 11:33 PM GMT

  Sometimes I just don't look nor do I care if anyone is behind me when I'm opening a door. I think the only time I ever pay attention to that sort of thing is if someone has their hands full and looks incapable of opening the door. Then I'd give a helping hand. If the person is directly in front of me and coming the other way or directly behind me and I get to the door first then I'll hold it open. Other then that I can't say I show that much chivilary.
  
  I rarily entertain myself or the person by standing there and holding a door open. Does that make a rude person? I don't think so.
  
  Isn't it rude to make a comment under your breath?
  I was taught if you can't say it loud enough for people to hear then you're better off not saying anything at all. Not only does that seem rude but I'd be inclined to think someone was a big ole' puss especially if I were to hear them and question them on what they just said and they give me the "Oh, nothing!" answer or quickly change what they said.
  
  Am I rude for thinking this?

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  Mar 27, 2008 11:46 PM GMT

  The first and last thing a gay man must be is correct.
  
  My partner and I operate on the theory that because we are a gay couple that our behaviour must be just that extra bit more impeccable than the straight couple that are sitting next to us. We must be more correct just to be equal.
  
  
  Please see,
  
  http://www.amazon.co.uk/Manners-Heaven-Divine-Behaviour-Flamingo/dp/000654133X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206661350&sr=1-2
  
  http://www.amazon.co.uk/Emily-Posts-Etiquette-Post/dp/0066209579/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206661408&sr=1-1
  
  http://www.amazon.co.uk/Manners-Guide-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior/dp/0393058743/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206661458&sr=1-1
  
  Ciao
  Terry

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  Mar 28, 2008 12:02 AM GMT

  The polite thing to do is assume that the person you perceive as being rude is merely thoughtless.

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  Mar 28, 2008 12:07 AM GMT

  Well that is what Emily Post says and it is the golden rule of etiquette, there is nothing worse than pointing out the poor etiquette of others. If one does nothing more or less than that then it is a fine start.
  
  

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  Mar 28, 2008 12:12 AM GMT

  I do both, Kansan. It costs nothing to be courteous. And this is more about courtesy than politesse.

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  Mar 28, 2008 12:56 AM GMT

  I always hold the door for people, and I usually get the same courtesy. I don't drive often, but when I do, I am *mostly* a courteous driver. One of my politeness peeves is when 3+ people walk abreast on a sidewalk and force others to walk on the road or on someone else's lawn in order to proceed.

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  Mar 28, 2008 1:01 AM GMT

  Good manners are like foreplay for me.
  
  

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  Mar 28, 2008 1:03 AM GMT

  mnjock2003 saidGood manners are like foreplay for me.

  
  
  Aren't YOU the saucy wench.

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  Mar 28, 2008 1:06 AM GMT

  If you can eat with a knife and fork without having to switch hands I would probably do almost anything you asked.

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  Mar 28, 2008 1:11 AM GMT

  It is all to the good - and is just being considerate of your fellow man. Using good manners makes everything go smoothly for you. A gentleman is defined by the way he treats those around him, and those who serve him.
  
  (no bondage pun intended!)

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  Mar 28, 2008 1:20 AM GMT

  So THAT was the point of the book "To Serve Man". And here I thought it was a cookbook.

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• HndsmKansan
  
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  Mar 28, 2008 1:31 AM GMT

  Jockbod48 said...,. and those who serve him.
  
  (no bondage pun intended!)

  
  
  
  
  
  I see.......

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  Mar 28, 2008 1:50 AM GMT

  Sure, I hold the door for people behind me. . . let drivers who need to change lanes move over into my lane. . . often smile and say hi to strangers on the street (always do that while I'm out running and always get a positive response). . . when I'm in NY and on the subway, will always give up my seat to a woman or older person. . . all that stuff. It's just polite gentlemanly behavior.

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  Mar 28, 2008 1:53 AM GMT

  I think polite behavior varies by region. Compared to Austin, Denver or Phoenix (other cities where I have lived), people in Houston tend to be less polite in public. As for driving? Fuhhhgettaboutit. I suspect there is an inverse correlation between population density and social etiquette. Interestingly, though, people in San Francisco were quick to offer me directions when I was lost while in search of the Moscone, although they weren't so nice at the local gym.

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  Mar 28, 2008 2:03 AM GMT

  LittleDudeWithMuscles said Sure, I hold the door for people behind me. . . let drivers who need to change lanes move over into my lane. . . .

  
  
  On the other hand, I lurk beneath the overpass on I-95 and wait for you to go by so I can speed up and cut you off.
  
  Who knew you could have so much fun in a car? Well, in the front seat, anyway.

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  Mar 28, 2008 2:09 AM GMT

  HndsmKansan....You're just a fine man who hasn't lost his midwestern roots. What can I say, etiquette is something that is learned and valued which remains still true to this day in the heartland. Call me naive, but one time I hiked in the Appalachian Mts of Virginia and said hello to everyone I encountered on the trail. Very few people would return my greeting back to me. Of course, I understood that when I got back to the parking lot and after looking at the various license plates of the parked vehicles, I began to confront what I had perceived all along. Those that lived north of the Mason-Dixon Line were not as eager to say hello to me as those south of it. Regional etiquette and how you have grown up has alot to do with it. Stay true to your core values man. Hiker

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  Mar 28, 2008 2:24 AM GMT

  I always hold the doors, esp for ladies.
  
  I also let ladies off the elevator first.
  
  I tend to drive in the left lane, because I drive fast...but not too fast. Virginia is strict! However, if someone drives up from behind me, I get over to let him pass.
  
  I try to be polite.
  
  I certainly try not to go on a thread and ruin other people's fun.
  

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  Mar 28, 2008 2:35 AM GMT

  I live in FL now, and I find people here to be extremely polite, in both North and South FL. Also lived in CA, found people there to be polite too.
  
  I lived for a while in St. Louis -- and I'm sure this will infuriate some people -- but by comparison, I found St. Louisians astoundingly rude.
  
  I don't mean everyone I encountered, but across-the-board -- in business or personal relationships, I noticed some really unbelievable behavior.
  
  Driving -- NOBODY lets you change lanes in front of them. People will do ANYTHING to keep you from doing that, including speeding up to cut you off -- and occasionally nearly causing a wreck. I was probably cut off half a dozen times a day. Never had that happen anywhere else. I've been in FL four years, and that virtually never, ever happens. At least not to me.
  
  Greeting strangers when out walking/running -- Are you kidding? NOBODY said hello back. Finally gave up on that one.
  
  Even encountering friends or work colleagues at the mall, or at a restaurant -- it's like no one could handle seeing you 'out of context' -- it's like, 'omigod, I know this person from work -- but I've NEVER seen this person AT THE MALL before, WHAT DO I DO?!?!'
  
  I mean, what was that all about? It's not that way anywhere else I've lived. I run into someone I know at the mall, we stop and talk or whatever, it's always very friendly.
  
  I could go on and on. Once, I was at a very busy cafeteria at the corporate headquarters of a Fortune 100 company -- purportedly civilized people. A lady fainted -- just dropped like a rock to the floor. I ran over to help her. She could've been dead, for all anyone knew. While I was tending to her, literally at least a HUNDRED PEOPLE walked past us in this very crowded cafeteria over a ten-minute period. NOT ONE PERSON offered to help in any way.
  
  For nearly all these people, this woman was a colleague. But they all acted like a bunch of zombies; no one even looked at us. A couple of people actually stepped over her laid-out body to get past her. Unbelievable. I didn't have my cell, so I started yelling for someone to call 911. FINALLY someone did, reluctantly and after making a face at me (?!?)
  
  When I told this story to some natives, they laughed and said, 'Yep, that's St. Louis,' and said something about how people there didn't like to 'get involved.'
  
  The bizarre antecdotes began to pile up. They happened so often that I concluded it was beyond coincidence or bad luck. I eventually chalked it up to some sort of strange geographical quirk. I've lived in many places, and before or since, never encountered rudeness so frequently and at such an elevated level.
  
  Sorry for the rant, sorry if I seem to be stereotyping on Midwesterners and sorry if I offended any St. Louisians. . .but reading this thread brought back some really wretched memories. . . and to this day I still don't understand such strange and pervasive behavior. . .

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• Squarejaw
  
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  Mar 28, 2008 2:48 AM GMT

  mnjock2003 saidIf you can eat with a knife and fork without having to switch hands I would probably do almost anything you asked.

  Get on a plane and fly your ass out here.

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