How do you escape dating ruts?

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  Jun 25, 2007 10:07 PM GMT

  I've been pretty much single for 2 years now. I'm an easy going guy and am not high maintenence at all. So, why is it that my high strung, very demanding friends are able to go on fate after date while I sit back and resort to spending time alone?
  
  Advice on how to escape the dulldrums would be appraciated.

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• dfrourke
  
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  Jun 26, 2007 1:01 AM GMT

  I have been single about a year and a half...I try not to worry about "time off" from people...as I know it will come a time when dating is a priority...I keep busy trying to accomplish those goals I have put off while in relationships or actively dating...also, I tend to spend time with close friends, knowing that the time diminishes if I actively start dating someone...I guess I just try to see it as a vacation from dating [which will eventually end as all vacations do]...
  
  - David

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  Jun 26, 2007 3:03 AM GMT

  Much like dfrourke, I've found the single time a great time to focus on myself. Then again, by most standards I'm considered perpetually single. I'm fortunate enough to have two people in my life (hetero couple) who in the past couple of years have really sort of shown me what real rock-solid relationships are founded on.
  
  As for making the plunge back into the dating world- I would not know, I have been so focused on self growth and refinement that I have not felt the need for that. Part of me is curious, but the balance also knows that I'd be short changing the fella' who I was venturing into a relationship with at this point. When I'm fixed on something, I'm fixed on it- and right now, 'my friends and I' are a good focus of being.
  
  The other thing that I have expereinced with relationships is that they have to be a natural fit for me. In otherwords, I should not have to change scenes or focus so much work on finding somebody. The quality ones with like minds/values will cross your path when timing is right.

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  Jun 26, 2007 4:27 AM GMT

  Mike155294 I'm still single and looking. I know that in time I will eventually find someone worth the time of day. Right now I'm busy trying to get my body in shape, working for an amusement park and getting ready to move to college and be living on my own for the first time. So I don't have time for a relationship. I take it you were in a relationship 2 years ago and now your free. Like the others have said take this time for yourself. Enjoy being with people you probably didn't see much as you did while in your relationship. Also work on things you put off you said you were going to do. Just remember to stop and smell the flowers once in a while. Tomorrow is never a garunteed.

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  Jun 26, 2007 5:55 AM GMT

  Mike, BEEF UP! Sadly, being gay is almost always being super critical about physical attraction. I'm trying hard myself...

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  Jun 26, 2007 7:12 AM GMT

  Well, how are you meeting people? It sounds like you want to date. All the advise about enjoying your alone time, etc. is good, but if you're ready to date and want to date, you should date. So find a way to connect with your type(s) of guy. You say you're "easy going" which, quite frankly, is unattractive to a lot of gay men. Drama is all part of the experience. If you're not like that - and it sounds like you're not, thankfully - maybe bars, for example, aren't the best avenue.

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  Jun 26, 2007 3:15 PM GMT

  I am also low maintaince, easy going. I have house/properties, good career, I go for vacation once a month , I have a lot to share with another man but yet I also cannot find a suitable man to date.
  
  How to escape this problem...well, I dont know. Most gay man are only interested in sex and some are just not my type. Until he come along I guess I gonna have to be alone. It better than dating the wrong person. It can be lonely though, but after a few years of being alone I guess I got used to it.
  
  On the other hand, being by myself also have its advantages, you know, I am only responsible for myself, can indulge in sex with lot of guys, and I have freedom to do what I want.
  
  But it nothing like being in love again. How I long to sleep in somebody arm, making love (not having sex ) and just to have somebody to ask how my day and to hold my hand.
  

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  Jun 26, 2007 3:22 PM GMT

  The only person to whom anyone is low maintenance is himself. Eventually, any two people will get on each other's nerves. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. If you really love and want to continue to love someone, distance yourself whenever possible.

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  Jun 26, 2007 3:29 PM GMT

  Hi Zak
  
  I appreciate where you're coming from. But how will you know when the right person comes along unless you start to date?
  
  The right person doesn't walk around with a sign saying 'I'm the right person'. You need to test drive him a little to see compatibility.
  
  As the old saying goes, 'You need to kiss a lot of frogs before you get to kiss a Prince'
  
  and Mike155294. You may be being too fussy. Your mates probably have more dates because they're willing to take chances and maybe they're putting more effort into it (we would all like to sit around waiting for the right guy, sometimes we need to get out there and work it)
  
  Lozx

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  Jun 26, 2007 3:41 PM GMT

  Yeah, well said Loz.
  
  Get back on the horse. Be a bit more of a slut.

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  Jun 26, 2007 3:57 PM GMT

  Be a bit more of a slut.
  
  Sage advice (rolling eyes). I hope this is meant to be funny...

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  Jun 26, 2007 4:06 PM GMT

  Yes, it was a joke. Good grief.

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• runforyourlif...
  
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  Jun 26, 2007 7:56 PM GMT

  Wow...can I please just say I was wondering why none of these responses seemed to be that spot on in relation to the topic and I just now realized it is asking how to escape dating RUTS not how to escape dating NUTS!!! I think I may need to start a post asking whether or not i need glasses!
  Just had to share that...hopefully I'm not the ONLY one who read it that way.
  Cheers!

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  Jun 26, 2007 8:08 PM GMT

  I read it that way too. Actually, it was mildly entertaining reading the initial post and responses until I figured out that the font/grey background made "ruts" look like "nuts." :-)

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• runforyourlif...
  
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  Jun 26, 2007 8:09 PM GMT

  thank you fastprof for making ME appear a little less "nuts"!

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  Jun 27, 2007 8:59 AM GMT

  ^lol

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  Jul 01, 2007 7:00 AM GMT

  So you wanna get out of the dating rut? Well I think you should probably put more of an effort in to going out and meeting people. Don't half ass it and go out with some old close and expect to meet mr. right. With gay men it could be alot of drama meeting someone. So you got to put your best foot forward.Who would you want to be treated? Treat someone that way.

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