OK, this is important.
These things end badly - ALWAYS. If there is an exception, then it only serves to prove the rule.
I work as a personal advisor to some extremely particular people. It never ceases to amaze me when someone who has the world by the tail ends up hobbled because they just couldn't resist getting involved with someone at work (applicable to both sexes and all sexual combinations).
Some examples.
Hollywood studio mogul, gay, gets partner involved with secretary (female) for reasons that don't merit mentioning. This ends in tears and what amounts to blackmail (not really but virtually). This man, one of the most powerful people in his industry, avoided his office for YEARS waiting for this secretary to retire.
European billionaire(s) (they all do it but I think of a couple of particular cases) think their position allows them to do whatever they want with whomever. The recipients of their affection either end up fired or in positions that are protected. These protected positions corrode organizations and bring enormous global companies to a total stop.
Politicians - nuff said.
Doctors and Patients - holy shit and it happens all the time.
Money and position changes nothing (well it does make it all worse).
Another thing, it is foolish to think that because one is out (as I am) and because it appears that everyone treats one normally (as they do me) that one's sexual orientation has no impact on the employment situation.
People that I knew who are less talented than I am (not being immodest just honest), less disciplined, and less able to seize opportunity have gone further and faster in their careers than I have.
I never indulge in sour grapes but I know that my devotion, dedication, and mania for my work are just sufficient to bring me to a level playing field with my straight colleagues. If I were in the closet then I would have opportunities I never hear about now.
My partner and I have this discussion a lot. As the out Gay couple in our social circle the obligation on us is to be perfect, I mean socially perfect. There is absolutely no slack.
Out at work is great. I would never advise anyone not to express their sexuality. However, it is worth being realistic and knowing that this has an impact on one's working life and that impact is serious business.
You may expect ANYTHING to happen in a working environment when others know you are Gay (including pin the paper shredder on the donkey when the SEC shows up at the door).
I am an old fart. My opinion of the human race has leveled out to the idea that all relationships are subject to the rules of momentary benefit and that people with long range vision are harder to find than one can possibly imagine.
The last thing I will say is this.
While being out at work carries its own risks and responsibilities I believe that one has to BEWARE of the closet cases one encounters in working life.
It has happened to me that I have seen obviously Gay men who are married (a more common thing in Europe even than America) and who are absolutely closeted. If I am out then this is like some subconscious bug-light for these extremely sad people.
In the beginning I had sympathy. Also, I found it amusing that supposedly straight men were explaining to me where the best cruising spots were (I have never gone cruising in my whole life - never once).
It finally happened to me that one of these people for whom I had sympathy and whom I tried to "help" embezzled a boatload of money from me and nearly destroyed my life, my relationship, everything.
I no longer think this is sympathetic or funny. When I see a closet case I run, and I run fast. I feel no obligation in 2008 to help a closeted gay man inch his way out of the closet. Now I say f--k that. There is no excuse.
My trick is that whenever I see one of these characters in a business environment I try to visualize myself negotiating with Roy Cohn (for the youngsters http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roy_Cohn ). I find this really helps me keep my perspective.
I wish you well.
Ciao
Terry
