Just need some advice...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2008 2:02 PM GMT
    Hey guys im new here! Dunno if this is the right place to post this but here it goes!
    I just want to tell people my story coz i gotta get it off my chest n i need some advice! So Im a gay guy, studying in the UK. I come from Cyprus where the religion and society do not accept gay men at all and do not understand that it is something most gay people do not choose! So i have always been keeping this secret inside dealing with it on my own. I have had experiences with women and relationships. Had some experiences with other men (claiming to be straight) since the age of about 12. Never in a relationship with a MAN though... Tried to have anal sex with a bi friend of mine(A), didn really work out, we were both inexperienced icon_smile.gif I met this friend(A) a couple of years ago and he has really stood by me and he is one of the two people who know about me.
    The second person is again a Cyprion guy(V) who also has this secret and one way or another he managed to get me in bed without anyone else knowing of course... I didn have sex with him, we just jerked off but it was as if we were making love. Then when we finished he stayed with me the whole night holding me in his arms and it was wonderful! I always doubted myself that i might be bi coz i have been with women and done the whole hugging thing n stuff but this made me feel like my true self and i just felt the best hug i had had ever at night!
    So after some talking with V we decided to stop everything. I basically didn want to but i couldnt force him coz from what i understood he is very very very afraid of his secret going public and he just doesnt want to face himself and his secret!
    I have talked with A about this and he has given me some good advice but what i actually need is a gay experienced friend who knows what i should do!
    So what is going through my mind now is that i finally know who i am and i cant change that i just have to face it but i cant tell anyone! I just cant stand how people will treat me if they find out! Especially people in Cyprus! I will lose my family n some of my friends...
    This is so hard for me, i think about it all the time. I just want to go to a place where no one knows me n be myself. I am actually considering doing this later on in my life... Also i really really wanna feel again what i felt that night... A guy who cares about me...
    There are so many more things that i want to say but i have already said enough. So what do you think? Will things be brighter for me in the future? What would you do? Thanx and sorry for going on and on
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2008 3:42 PM GMT
    Well, I think you are going in the right direction. The main thing is that you are accepting your true feelings and your homosexuality.

    Are you going to stay in the UK? It may be easier in this country than back in Cyprus.
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    Apr 06, 2008 3:52 PM GMT
    Seems that you already accept of who you are and you have made choice of what you gonna do for the rest of your life. So stick to your goal, be yourself, do what you wanna do.

    If living in Cyprus is had for you as being a gay, then leave it far away. If your family and your friends cannot accept whom you are, then it means they are not good enough for you. And be confident that there are still lot of people in the world truely love you and care about you.

    Things will surely be brighter for you, just go with your feeling. there cannot be no turbulence in your life, just don;t regret of what you do and go ahead !

    Wish you good luck and find the person who cares for you soonest.
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    Apr 06, 2008 4:27 PM GMT
    Thanks you so much for ur replies. They really make me feel alot happier coz i know what i want i just want reassurance. Insecurities i guess.. I am definitely going to stay in the UK even though there are so many Cypriots over here and I still will have to hide the fact that im gay because half the people in cyprus know the other half and u will almost definitely find a common person u know with another cypriot person. Im even thinking of even going to america. I would like to study there and i think things are a bit better with gay people and i will actually be able to search and not hide and find someone i like!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16461

    Apr 06, 2008 4:43 PM GMT
    Well let me say I think you should proceed in a way that gives you the most personal growth.. sometimes growth doesn't go hand in hand with pleasantness (or being comfortable). If you don't proceed, you will yearn for a kind of relationship with a man for the rest of your life.

    Regarding your family and friends.. I don't think the terms "hide" and "they aren't good enough for you" are really appropriate. They don't understand or appreciate who you are and what you need to be fulfilled. You aren't "hiding" anything by not telling them in my view, you just aren't disclosing this personal information.

    To use the analogy... "the flower, sun and water, I think you need to be put in a place where you can grow and thrive.. if thats here in the US, then come here... if its elsewhere, then do it! It isn't necessarily an "or" proposition. Your family and friends in Cyprus don't need to have your whole picture.
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    Apr 06, 2008 6:53 PM GMT
    When u say "If you don't proceed, you will yearn for a kind of relationship with a man for the rest of your life." do u mean like one night stands? Just sex?