What about str8acting (straight-acting)???

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2007 3:14 PM GMT
    Does straight-acting is really a must???

    What are the limits of "good-taste" and self-honesty in str8acting attitude???

    Or any others comments about this concept!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2007 4:33 PM GMT
    I question guys who use this term: WHY ARE YOU 'ACTING'?!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2007 4:35 PM GMT
    I feel that most people see 'Straight-acting' as meaning 'does not appear to be gay'.

    I feel that, like the term 'g0y' mentioned in another forum, the term it is a way for some gay people to be negative about other gay people; ie. I only like straight-acting men.

    I personally don't like the phrase and think someone should say they are 'non-camp'.

    Also on that subject. Being camp or effeminate is not a crime (as a worryingly large number of people on this site seem to believe it is). It is just the way someone is. We can't all be the same and should celebrate are differences, not look for yet more labels to divide us.

    As Gay men, united we stand and divided we fall.
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    Feb 14, 2007 4:58 PM GMT
    Bravo Laurence! My preference for a life partner is another straight-acting guy, but I have camp friends & don't see what the fuss is about. They're not my type in that way, but then again, neither are women - or completely "non-gay-acting" types with hangups/attitudes......vive la difference/live & let live....it's hypocritical not to, in our situation!

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    Feb 14, 2007 6:32 PM GMT
    Why not just use terms like "masculine" & "feminine"? Why does the gay community have a secret avoidance of these words? I think the objection to the term "straight-acting" is that (a) there is a specific way that straight men act in comparison to gay men, and (b) that it is somehow superior to "gay acting". Truth is, like gay men, straight men's behaviour covers a whole range of types, and that the only thing straight men definitely have in common is that they have sex with women ONLY.
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Feb 14, 2007 7:36 PM GMT
    I'm sorry, but when I read "straight acting" in someone's profile I hear "I have INTERNAL HOMOPHOBIA"...

    Every gay friend I have had has at some point said to me "if I 'queen out' just shoot me"...

    ...I am currently wanted in 3 states...

    - David
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    Feb 14, 2007 8:05 PM GMT
    I've noticed the term "straight acting" going away... It seems people prefer masculine/feminine...

    "straight acting" tends to be used more by the "discreet-questioning-bi-jock" (but love to take it up the ass and moan like a bitch) crowd.

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    Feb 14, 2007 9:10 PM GMT
    Right. It's an anachronism. It's a term that evolved when many closeted men thought that to be a gay man is to be "effeminate." To distinguish themselves from that stereotype the term "straight acting" was coined.

    Of course, there is a spectrum, and who knows how many gay men have either what society perceives as masculine (old term, "straight-acting") or feminine (old term "effeminate". I suspect that there is a pretty even distribution, though I don't know, of course.

    I think we need to be all-inclusive. That doesn't mean you have to be attracted sexually to a person that has a certain characteristic you find unattractive. But it does mean we treat all with respect.

    In terms of day to day "getting alongness" :-) I find drama, overstatement, bitchiness, passive-aggressive behavior intolerable, and that is independent of how masculine or feminine a person is.

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    Feb 15, 2007 12:08 AM GMT
    Great thread.
    I agree with mostly everyone, especially dfrourke. I think "straight acting" can mean that the guy has "Internalized homophobia", but more often than not I believe it is more complicated than that.
    Years ago when I was first coming out (8 years ago now) I used the term to describe myself and someone I wished to meet. At that time I was still rejecting my preconceptions of the gay community being exclusively "gay acting". I now have friends that are not particularly masculine while I retain my own masculinity--because that's just who I am.
    Unfamiliarity with the gay community (whether you continue to have internalized homophobia years after realizing that you're gay or are just in the process of coming out to yourself) I think is the main culprit of the term "straight acting". The more people discuss it and the more accepting society is of all aspects of gay culture, the easier it will be for people to both come out and lose their preconceptions of what it means to be gay.
    But hey, that's just my opinion!
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    Feb 15, 2007 12:26 AM GMT
    I guess str8 acting is kinda derogatory. I hope masc / fem is ok terminolgy for communication purposes. I'm into muscle so that generally means a masc. guy but i've met up with a totall ripped masc.looking guy that had a kinda fem, gentle personality ..he was way hot BTW.
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    Feb 15, 2007 5:53 AM GMT
    Fascinating! One of the "str8acting" realjock men initiated a chat with my partner (aeois) just last week, and my partner typed something that was a real icebreaker:

    "I hope you're not so str8acting that you don't suck cock."

    I still laugh when I think about that.

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    Feb 15, 2007 7:07 AM GMT
    Prefer str8looking than str8acting as the latter implies trying to act like you are str8...
    I have to share though that being str8looking is proving to be a real problem for me recently...I work in an industry that widely accepts people being gay and most of us are(guess which one it is?!?)and the problem is I am so str8looking that nobody even thinks of chatting me up..:(
    Guess I have to queen it up a little..Any ideas how?
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    Feb 15, 2007 10:55 AM GMT
    here here! the mentality of some guys thinking that str8 acting makes them more acceptable to main stream society is the same in a sense to certain sections within the black community where they think the more light skinned one is the more attractive they are. Both want to desperately fit in with the a popular belief system. Thats my 5cents
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    Feb 15, 2007 1:29 PM GMT
    I prefer the word Straight Appearing than acting. The Acting sounds like one is being someone they are not. I know in the Gay community men tend to find myself intimidated. I always had a problem by being profiled sice i was 25. Once someone hears myself talking or gets to know myself they relise i'm just a regular Joe type...
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    Feb 15, 2007 4:02 PM GMT
    Hi, guys. This is a very interesting forum.

    I'm 51, a senior in college (graduate in May), married, very closeted, and (for lack of a better term) gay-virgin. I really hate labels. Back when I was in school the first time (30 years ago), I made a promise to myself that I would go out on EVERY blind date I was asked on, and would at least make a friend. I tried to not pre-conceive what I wanted in a wife (self denial -- gimme a break, eh?) beyond character traits. That's how I found my wife, and we've been together for 26 years (I guess I'm still in self-denial, who knows). My point is that we don't want to be tagged as "gay men" per-se, but rather, we just want to be men with a sexual preference for other men. My thought is that if we need to type men we might think about saying something like "masculine gender preference" or "feminine gender preference." I just don't like being called something. I'm just a guy. Each of you is just a guy. I think that using Masculine and Feminine are really better. I like being around masculine guys, but not so masculine that they're obnoxious. I like a touch of refinement -- gentlemen in public, and rogues in private.

    As you can imagine, I'm a pretty lonely guy, being closeted and married. The counselors have told me that I need to divorce my wife, let her get on with her life, and I get on with mine. However I know that if I did that, it would humiliate and hurt my wife, and I can't do that.

    By the way, each of you have incredible bodies. Very hot. I wish I looked as good as you and had come out when I was a teenager. I wouldn't be lonely now.

    Please feel free to email me anytime, as I like having friends who are male with a male sexual preference. (Ha Ha -does sound funny, doesn't it?) Anyway, it makes me feel like I'm a part of it all.
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    Feb 15, 2007 5:06 PM GMT
    Wow... Interesting discussion. I never knew that "straight-acting" or similar terms are derogatory. I am not so "out" -- but I really appreciate the knowledge gained from your opinions. Very insightful! Thank you!
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    Feb 15, 2007 6:13 PM GMT
    Yes, Bravo to Laurence
    I concur whole heartedly!

    Straight acting IS a term denying who we are.
    It is a shame so many of us carry into gay life our personal demons and prejudices.

    While I am masculine in demeanor myself, I find guys who call themselves "straight acting" are generally unable to be loving and sensual and have difficulty showing sensitivety and affection especially if there are others around... NOT for me!
    I like my partner to be able to show his emotion and not be afraid. IE; hold hands and lean on eachother in the darkened movies, walking on the beach at night or driving,

    Most of the "straight acting" guys are so paronoid they hold back, As for you closeted types and the married ones that are afraid to move on.... I feel very sorry for you. You need MAJOR therapy and your living the lie hurts yourself and all those close to you.

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    Feb 15, 2007 6:20 PM GMT
    I think some guys just like themselves and their partners to be or in another word "act" like men. I have friends whom are queens and others that even make my straight guy friend blush. I guess it just depends as to who or how you feel yourself to be. I have to be honest though I have my own limits and sometimes a little too queen crosses the line for me. I mean if I wanted to be with or around a woman I would.
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    Feb 15, 2007 7:41 PM GMT
    Yo Ryan,

    Give a shout next time you "want to be with a woman" and I'll introduce you to Lu, a trainer at my gym. She can benchpress more than you or me, drink us both under the table and then carry us home. A very impressive lady!

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    Feb 15, 2007 8:32 PM GMT
    Hey those that are arguing to use "straight appearing" and "straight acting"....

    That makes no sense at all, IMHO. You're adhering to a stereotype that is inaccurate and plays in to the homophobia of straight males.

    There are as many masculine gay men as feminine gay men...and that's always been true.

    It makes it appear that your apologizing for half of your brethern who have characteristics that you find unattractive.

    In essence, your aligning yourself with straight men based upon "masculinity" as opposed to aligning yourself with men whom you'd like to have sex with.

    No one's arguing that anyone should be attracted to something that doesn't attract you.

    But I agree with dfrourke (David), Tallgwmvballer, Brix, and PHMuscle and others...by using this term, you're perpetuating an inaccurate stereotype, and you're betraying, possibly, a bit of internal homophobia.

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    Feb 16, 2007 10:54 PM GMT
    When i see the words straight acting it generally turns me off of a profile (unless they are really hot, lets not kid ourselves fellas, we're all a bunch of horndogs other wise we wouldn't be HERE)

    along with that, most of the words that the men on this website use to define themselves turn me off. i will decide how and if i want to define them if and when i meet them. actions and behaviours are what turn me on, not self-imposed definintions.

    its even worse when they spell it with an eight.
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    Feb 16, 2007 11:03 PM GMT
    "Str8-acting" sounds very old fashioned....
    Civilisation has been changing, and the gay community feels better than in past. People had to hide and had to tell they were not into guys "str8-acting" not to be rejected by their str8 fellows...

    For me, str8-acting is a manly attitude and behavio(u)r. You think that because you're a top, you str8-act...
    Imagine that str8 couples want to have more fun and the husband, doggy style bent on the bed is being plugged by her wife with a dildo ! That's not str8-acting except if it's fashioned ! And we could consider it like a "str8-action"...
    Straight-acting is called in french "agir ou se comporter comme un hétéro..."

    Str8-acting is nonsense and dudes behave like human beings, that's all.
  • jet228

    Posts: 11

    Feb 16, 2007 11:55 PM GMT
    I guess I never considered the term str8 acting to be derogatory in any way. I use it because IMO it goes further to illustrate the kind of guy I am and would like to meet. It's great to me masculine or feminine, but being masculine doesn't necessarily mean you like sports, cars, and other things that are normally associated with a 'st8 guy'.

    I understand that I'm stereotyping to a certain degree, but when your online with a bunch of strangers and you're looking for a certain type of person, stereotypes can be useful as long as they aren't meant in a hurtful way.

    As for the actual term str8 acting... well, I guess acting is suggesting that you are pretending to be something your not, but its the only way to get the point across. You can't say your straight, cause your not... but at the same time your not really acting.

    I've used this phrase before to describe myself which I think is really accurate:

    "I'm a straight guy who is attracted to and fools around with other men"

    I'm not in the gay scene, do not really care for or relate to gay culture (tho I respect it). I like sports, cars, workin out and havin fun with my buds (who are 95% straight).

    I kinda wish everyone could just be what they are and ask for what they want without someone being so worried about it. That is true equality.
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    Feb 17, 2007 3:30 AM GMT
    Aight guys, its simple... str8 acting describes someone who doesnt have feminine qualities... Someone who prefers not to live a life waving a rainbow flag in the air. Most people use the term to make it clear that they are happy living a private life and want to keep it that way.
    I've noticed that most people who have negative feedback on the term are usually the ones that are NOT masculine and are very open with their lives. It's true that you can be masculine and not str8 acting, however its not possible to be str8 acting and feminine.
    The term itself has its own meaning outside of masculine or feminine, and use of it is a personal preference. So this draws me to my conclusion... Str8 acting is a way of saying, "my life is as private as I make it."

  • jakemuscle

    Posts: 1

    Feb 17, 2007 5:28 AM GMT
    its really stupid the term st8 acting- i know a lot of straight guys who are very feminine. My point is not all straight guys act masculine. So I think using the term masculine or feminine makes more sense and is not derogatory in any way.