So why do I keep picking straight guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2007 5:18 PM GMT
    Wow, it always amazes me how much internal homophobia and any other specific phobia's there are within the gay community. Guys, we are all ONE, EVERYONE....gay, straight, black, white, yellow, red, bi, tanny, man, woman whatever. ONE force created us all and keeps all of us alive and makes us all the individuals we are. We are not SEPARATE from one another, we ARE oneanother at our very core essence.

    Now, back to jlk7jesters original thought.....I for one feel for you guys that are in your twenties and either grew up out or grew up around people who were out. It's great that it's so well accepted these days, even by straight guys, but it does create a bit of an issue when meeting men. Here in LA at the bars where the younger guys hang out, you never know if someone you meet is gay or straight. Back in my day...haha...you wouldn't catch a straight guy dead in a gay bar much less admit he had a gay friend. So jester (as you have been referred to for short), accept that fact that in this day and age, you are probably going to meet your fair share of straight guys in what would otherwise be considered and exclusively gay environment. Acceptance is good, no matter what side it's on. You'll find the right guy eventually. Happy Hunting!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2007 8:02 PM GMT
    Fastprof, for clarity, I do not hold the viewpoint you suggested that all "straight" guys really want to have sex with men. The very idea that they are straight precludes this. Under certain conditions, however, some "straight" men are prepared to experiment. In my experience cultural and availability of women are normally factors.

    We differ in opinion in that you seem to be suggesting that if a guy has sex with a guy, he is in the "gay" box or the "bi" box. I think the boxes, if we want to use such anachronistic terms, are temporal things in that a straight guy can have gay experiences without being gay. You could argue, i guess, that he is gay at that time but this seems like a petty observation.

    I think it a mistake to assume that the way you feel about your sexuality is the same way that everyone feels about theirs. I do not mean to imply that you are doing this but it seems that many do. Not towing a standard line does not make a person in denial or homophobic even though, again, many are both.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2007 8:29 PM GMT
    nrg hit the nail on the head!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2007 8:31 PM GMT
    Sometimes when I don't like the guy I tell him I'm straight!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2007 8:36 PM GMT
    I have a lot of straight guys in my life - more so than gay, and have great platonic love with a few of them - It is mutual and the differences understood. There is all kinds of love... and a whole lot more to life than just sex.
    Maybee try becoming friends with some straight guys, and forget about the sex - then when you are least expecting it some hot guy is going to pounce you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2007 8:43 PM GMT
    zoot said: "...We differ in opinion in that you seem to be suggesting that if a guy has sex with a guy, he is in the "gay" box or the "bi" box..."

    You're wrong, wrong WRONG!! :-)

    Just kidding. Just kidding.

    I still disagree, though. I never said that if a guy has sex with a guy, he is any "box." What I did say is that the definition of bisexual (man) is a person who can function sexually, have pleasure sexually, even fantasizes sexually, about/with other men.

    It doesn't mean that most of the time he's with women. That person, and those persons, looked at you, got turned on by you, went to bed with you, had an erection, presumedly, because of you. By definition, that person is bisexual.

    Being straight does NOT mean you can be turned on by other men, and choose NOT to. It means you are turned on by women.

    I also am saying that no matter what such a guy says about himself, as in "I am straight, but I want to try this..." The this is something noone would want to try unless he is to some extent bisexual.

    Read this, which I agree with, and restates my opinion above, from http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/youth/health/pamphlets/bisexual.htm>

    "...Bisexual people have the capacity to love people of either gender. This can include physical, sexual, and emotional attraction to and/or relationships with men and women. Over time in life, a bisexual person might feel equally attracted to men and women or to one gender in preference to the other. The strength of these attractions may change over time....Some people have relationships with people of their own gedner and the other gender, yet do not identify as bisexual ..."

    Note the last part...I claim those guys you are with fit that.

    Again, not taking potshots at you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 12, 2007 8:44 PM GMT
    (Sorry for the repost to correct typo)

    zoot said: "...We differ in opinion in that you seem to be suggesting that if a guy has sex with a guy, he is in the "gay" box or the "bi" box..."

    You're wrong, wrong WRONG!! :-)

    Just kidding. Just kidding.

    I still disagree, though. I never said that if a guy has sex with a guy, he is any "box." What I did say is that the definition of bisexual (man) is a person who can function sexually, have pleasure sexually, even fantasizes sexually, about/with other men as well as women.

    It doesn't mean that most of the time he's with women. That person, and those persons, looked at you, got turned on by you, went to bed with you, had an erection, presumedly, because of you. By definition, that person is bisexual.

    Being straight does NOT mean you can be turned on by other men, and choose NOT to. It means you are turned on by women.

    I also am saying that no matter what such a guy says about himself, as in "I am straight, but I want to try this..." The this is something noone would want to try unless he is to some extent bisexual.

    Read this, which I agree with, and restates my opinion above, from http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/youth/health/pamphlets/bisexual.htm>

    "...Bisexual people have the capacity to love people of either gender. This can include physical, sexual, and emotional attraction to and/or relationships with men and women. Over time in life, a bisexual person might feel equally attracted to men and women or to one gender in preference to the other. The strength of these attractions may change over time....Some people have relationships with people of their own gedner and the other gender, yet do not identify as bisexual ..."

    Note the last part...I claim those guys you are with fit that.

    Again, not taking potshots at you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 15, 2007 6:57 AM GMT
    Fastprof:

    Firstly, interesting conversation and i don't think you are taking potshots at me. It is nice that your are being courteous and reminding me that you are not 'having a go' but i am not likely to go into a decline because someone disagrees with me. :)

    I understand that you are saying you are not using boxes but the attempt to "define" something strictly, whether that be logically, mathematically or even in words, is basically a boxing process. I think this need to quantify and qualify almost everything is a cultural or developmental thing. It doesn't exist in the same way in the east as it does in the west. Most of us do this in one form or another (me included) but my experience of sexuality, indicates that the type of definitions you are putting forward (not the quoted one btw) is wholly inadequate.

    BTW, loved rksportswear's comment "Sometimes when I don't like the guy I tell him I'm straight!" - i had to laugh :)

    For the record, iirc only one guy told me that he was straight as i rarely ever ask. I have been to one gay bar (poor me), in Greece, and all the people i meet are out and about at ordinary bars/parties/via acquaintances/coffee shops etc. If all the straight people i have slept with are really gay, i must have the most astonishing gaydar as my strike ratio is a lot better than 1 in 10 and i am not anything special.

    With regard to the quote you mention, this sounds reasonable and i will go and read the article later. I am fairly sure, however, that there is no "love" in the straight encounters i have been referring to. I also remember that, in my early twenties, i was so aroused much of the time that i was happy to shag both women and men. I was not interested in love, just sex and i don't think it made me bi or straight just because i liked (and like now but less so) a nice pair of breasts!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 02, 2007 10:39 AM GMT
    In my experience what we associate as sexually and what we are is a very grey area. i agree that techinically speaking you are either gay, straight or bi in your attractions but of course people call themselves whatever they like.

    when i was younger i seemed to attract 'straight' men a lot. it was fun sometimes but it got to the point where i made the conscious decision not to do it anymore.too complicated. just as i made a conscious decision not to lead women up the garden path. (to this day i still get more women attracted to me than men)

    i've known straight men who are camper than any gay man i know and straight men who like to join in the gay banter but have no interest in us sexually.

    i'm attracted to men, so the chances are sometimes they might be straight.

    most of my mates at the gym are straight and i think many of them assume i am too. i don't really know or care as i go there to workout not cruise.

    regarding the original comment, clubs today are increasingly polysexual so i suppose this kind of thing will be more and more common.
  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    Aug 02, 2007 1:01 PM GMT
    Yep, I think we place too many stipulations and stereotypes on people in general. Just because you might be interested in sex and would like to make sure you are not missing out, doesn't even constitute BI in my book unless they truly enjoy it.

    I have never liked sauerkraut, but I do try it ever so often just because. Does it mean I'm going to like it this time around? Maybe, Maybe Not.

    Just because someone is looking to try something, doesn't mean they will like it.

    Another thought: Why is it a lot of straight men, including my brother, are unable to see the beauty in other men. Not to make this religious, but man being one of God's greatest creations, regardless of what God you do or do not believe in, straight men have been brain washed in most cultures and can not see the beauty that is before them.

    We have straight men in our society that are afraid they're GAY, because they find men attractive. I find women attractive, but I don't want to have sex with them.

    Some straight men, I'm sure, are curious and might try sex with men at different times in their lives and not prefer it. I wouldn't think of them as BI, but interested in sex and would like to make sure they're not missing out on something.

    Society as a whole needs a change in attitude.

    LANCE
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 02, 2007 3:26 PM GMT
    A lot of this conversation might have been easier if there had been a clear distinction between behavior and orientation.

    There's a whole range on both criteria that can be as varied as there are people. I for one have only a few female friends and cannot imagine ever being emotionally or physically attracted to women. It's just not how I'm wired.

    I think there are plenty of guys who are only emotionally attracted to women/men but they happen to be physically attracted to both (I think that's a LOT of guys on this site actually). Flip that on its head and you get guys who are emotionally attracted to both but only physically attracted to men/women. Like I said, where people fall on the two scales can be all over the place.

    My experience of most guys who exhibit any kind of bisexual behavior is that they tend to be heavily tilted emotionally one way or the other - meaning they are going to only get into a relationship primarily with one or the other. But that's just my experience. I've only known one guy who really and truly seemed capable of an equal attraction both emotionally and physically to both sexes - and boy, when this guy walked into a room, EVERYONE took notice. Not just because of looks but because he really exuded something - like moths to a flame!

    So as to the OP - jester - I think you're probably just suffering something akin to being attracted to redheads! Hopefully, you'll stumble onto that guy who has the characteristics you're looking for who also digs guys or you'll just need to be willing to ease up on what you want in a boyfriend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 03, 2007 3:14 AM GMT
    Hey jlk7jester,

    I totally feel you here! I have hit on straight guys in guy clubs aswell. They like going to gay clubs to pick up straight women. I can tell a lot of people don’t go out that much responding to your post, because if they did they would know this.

    What’s attractive about a straight guy in a gay club you say?

    A. Noticed how they seemed not even affected by their environment and just enjoys themselves at the club. All with no look of desperation or horniness.
    B. See how they are actually having a good time with their friends and it’s not a competitive cock fight.
    C. No slutty behavior or them trying to cause attention to themselves
    D. They are actually buying their friends drinks!

    You see this guy and your amazed because he is not acting in a normal stereotypical way.

    We are drawn to unique people and things that stand out.

    So don’t get hung up on that just look out for a few signs that’s he straight.

    1. He’s not cruising at all or checking out any guys
    2. He’s dancing with this attractive girl alittle too closely
    3. He’s not really into the music just dancing emotionless
    4. Send a girl cute girl passing his way and see what he does just to make sure


    Asking if they are gay is alittle to personal coming from a complete stranger. Remember to always take the friendly approach if your not sure.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 03, 2007 3:41 AM GMT
    Dreamdrop.....maybe it's different in SF but it seems like in Weho (and the gay bars in Weho are becoming increasingly mixed) you can pick the straight guys out in the crowd not because they are relaxed and having a good time but because they are clinging to the women they are with and are constantly watching the guys to make sure no one gets too close (maybe it's cause there nervous, maybe it's because they are curious....I don't know but they should don't look comfortable!). If you make eye contact with one or say hello, they either look away or introduce you very quickly to their girlfriends. Some are nice enough, but none of them seem comfortable to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 03, 2007 4:40 AM GMT
    Why?

    Sometime a nearby fantasy seems more real than distant happiness.

    Sometimes the visible fantasy is more desirable than the invisible truth.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 03, 2007 5:11 AM GMT
    Your right Shortnsexystud,

    They sure don't look comfortable. I forgot about that sign. It's like they think ever guy in the bar wants them.

    I learn something new from this site everyday!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 03, 2007 7:15 AM GMT
    i have always told myself if i found out some guy i thought was hot is straight that i would forget about him, then this guy came along and i cant stop thinking about him, it really sucks cuz i dont know why him,is it the piercings, his personality, or the fact that i cant have him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 03, 2007 9:07 PM GMT
    Well probably it's because you can't have him. He's sounds like a confident guy that everyone likes.

    Who wouldn't like that?

    Being that he's a good man doesn't really mean he's good for you.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Jan 06, 2011 2:46 AM GMT
    some of them are hot?

    hat4006.jpg
    hat4017.jpg
    hairy009.jpg
    boxers2004.jpg
    food001.jpg
    food007.jpg
    random134.jpg
  • needleninja

    Posts: 713

    Jan 06, 2011 3:08 AM GMT
    i never really had an experiance of hitting on straight guys. when i see really atractive ones im like icon_eek.gif, and then im like str8!!!!!! and continue what im doing
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 06, 2011 3:12 AM GMT
    i really feel your pain..sometimes feel like I deliberately make myself infatuated with straight guys coz it's more challenging...it's like trying to flirt with mormons, it most likely won't work but I try anyway to see how far it goes lol

    absolutely not healthy...icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 06, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    okay so I work out at a mostly gay gym because its the closest to my appartment (id say 90% of the guys are gay) and theres only one guy that I really liked...and of course he came one day with his girlfriend :s
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 06, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    criduchat saidi really feel your pain..sometimes feel like I deliberately make myself infatuated with straight guys coz it's more challenging...it's like trying to flirt with mormons, it most likely won't work but I try anyway to see how far it goes lol

    absolutely not healthy...icon_lol.gif
    I did a fetish flick with a Mormon. icon_wink.gif