Help with First Date

  • hartfan

    Posts: 1038

    Apr 14, 2008 8:07 AM GMT
    Hey everyone

    I have only recently come to terms with my sexuality, and I have put up a personal ad on the site It's been about a week and just today this guy asked me out. From our conversations, he seems like a really nice guy and I feel we might have a connection. However, this being the Internet and all, I still have some reservations. His MySpace and Facebook page seems legit, and from what I can tell he hasn't lied to me about anything. Since I'm not out yet, he kindly suggested that we go to his place, 45 minutes away, just in case. I didn't suggest otherwise at the time. But now, having discussed with the only friend I'm out to, I've decided that I will borrow a car and meet him at a predetermined public location. I've also given my friend the guy's name and cell phone number.

    I am not sure if I am being overly cautious about this, and I really don't want to scare him off if he turns out to be genuine. I'm very new to dating guys, and even more new to online dating, so I really don't know what's the norm. I do want to protect myself just in case, but I don't want to restrict myself if things work out. I have no idea what I'll decide if he asks me to his place (I live with 2 roommates I'm not out to so coming to my place is out of the question). Does anyone know if it's normal to visit someone's place on a first date? I am looking for a real relationship and not a hookup. What's a good pace to go on this? I feel really embarassed and nervous that I am so clueless.

    Another thing I have some apprehension about is that he is 32 and slightly older than what I'm looking for (I'm 24), and he is much more experienced in relationships. I am looking for an equal partner in a relationship, and not someone who dominates me because they are further along in life. Can anyone give me some practical advice about keeping myself safe? Advice about what to do on a first date would be very much appreciated too. Thank you all in advance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2008 2:45 PM GMT
    Well, it's totally normal to be nervous. Besides you know what they say - better safe than sorry!
    I've gone out with some guys from online and my first time I felt exactly the same and had most of the questions you have, but I was 16 so you can imagine how scared I was... icon_smile.gif
    Now ... first of all, no matter how real he looks that doesn't mean he is. If you don't feel confident in your physical shape, take something with you that you can use to defend yourself (knife or something).
    When you too meet, act like you're with some friend of yours. The most important thing is not to look scared or nervous - at least not too much ;)
    You've probably discussed with him your lack of experience, so he will know that you are new at this. He probably will give you some credit...

    Try to enjoy yourself and ... don't go to his place icon_lol.gif If he wants a relationship, he probably won't ask you (especially not on the first date) but still - if he does, don't go. Well - not unless you want to ;)

    Good luck! And keep us posted icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2008 4:56 PM GMT
    This is a bad, bad, no good idea.

    You have been talking to his guy for all of a day and he wants you to go to his place 45 minutes away? That is just asking for trouble. First, he could be a psycho killer with human heads mounted on his walls. Second, since you have decided to go on a date after talking for a day and it will be at his place, chances are he just wants to tap your ass. The word 'date' was used. But to a lot of guys dating online 'date' is synonymous with 'hook up'.

    If you want to go on a date, go somewhere public. If you are traveling 45 minutes away can't you still meet him out in the open and not worry about getting caught? If at the end of the date you want to furiously snog you can always go back to his place.

    Let me add, dating people in the closet is a headache. Come out to your room mates. It will make life so much easier, especially for the people you are dating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2008 5:00 PM GMT
    Always meet a new person in a public place, like a coffee shop....nearby where you live.

    3 reasons:

    1) are right. you dont know who is on the other end of the internet. Being in public is way safer.

    2) Coffee...dont commit to dinner or something that is going to take a while, in case, you REALLY dont like him and want to get away.

    3) Nearby...dont drive a long way when you dont even know if you are gonna like the guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2008 8:22 PM GMT
    i met up with a guy (31, so same situation as you) last week for a drink at like 4 PM. a good time. bar wasn't too packed, we could actually talk. and don't worry about age, he could be totally cool and sympathetic to your situation.

    my friends made plans to call/text me over the period of time i was there, just in case i needed an out if the guy turned out to be a creep.

    i totally got called out on being "popular" and i told him the deal, and he thought it was funny.

    don't go meeting him at his place... Munchingzombie didn't throw the word "bad" in there enough about that idea. especially after a couple chats.

    go somewhere public for sure. you can even have some friends be there sitting somewhere else as long as they don't make it too obvious.

    be safe, and if you don't like it, don't feel bad saying you have to leave. you aren't indebted to him, he's not a hook up through friends where someone else knows the guy. you're safety/security come to play first in these situations. the internet is a whole new level to blind dating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2008 8:26 PM GMT
    First dates to me always meant dinner or coffee and maybe a movie as well.

    Going to his place right off the bat? Not if I wanted a relationship. To me that sounds like nooky then see ya (aka a one-night stand).

    I am a bit disappointed that someone this mature would start off this way. It makes me believe he is simply horny and wants to play "doctor-doctor" with you.