• HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16461

    Apr 14, 2008 12:25 PM GMT
    Well.. had a little unfortunate event last weekend (April 5 & 6) and I'm curious what you all think.
    This isn't a big deal to me, but it was irritating. It was something that shouldn't have happened.

    In both Wichita and Kansas City, there are gay men's singing groups, gay chorus groups. A number of cities have them and the group in Wichita and Kansas City are excellent. I am a supporter of the relatively new Wichita group and they were making an effort to work together for performances in both cities, the one in Wichita was to be April 5th and 6th.

    Some of the Kansas City guests were hoping to be guests of Wichita members and supporters. over Saturday night into Sunday. There were Saturday evening performances and one Sunday afternoon, so any person serving as a "host" to a Kansas City choir member(s) would need to host overnight and until early afternoon Sunday.

    I enjoy doing that kind of thing and quickly volunteered. Our Wichita choir director made arrangements with a Kansas City member about 2 weeks ahead of time. He sent an e-mail to that member (cc'd to me), but didn't have my correct phone number. I immediately sent an e-mail (to both) with my corrected home number and my cell in case it was needed.

    Nothing happened for about 10 days. Finally, about 4 days before the event I got concerned and checked with the Wichita director again and again there was communication (to the Kansas City choir director as well as the proposed "houseguest") and the houseguest responded and just said he thought all was in order and he didn't need to take additional action and that he would contact me "at the end of the week" to complete or "firm up" plans. I responded that it would be fine.

    Now I don't know what you all do when you have a houseguest. My bf was scheduled to be in town that weekend. It was rescheduled. I scheduled myself with the gym, grocery store, cleaning, mowing in such a way that all would be in order with the arrival of the guest. You want a guest to be welcomed, treated in a way that add to his experience and maybe in the process you can make a friend and learn a thing or two.
    My understanding was this guest was into landscaping and with my projects, I was pleased to meet him.

    So the end of the week arrives... nothing. Saturday arrives.. still nothing.. I think I had 6 or 7 people asking me... Have you heard from him? What happened?
    Saturday evening arrives.. It was the KU/UNC game, but I still paid attention in case I got a call from this guy at the last minute. NEVER HEARD A WORD.

    The weekend comes and goes.. .nothing. I know a couple of people in the Kansas City chorus and one of them told me the proposed "houseguest" was in Wichita.... still nothing.

    So last night (Sunday, April 13) I finally get an e-mail from him. Well he had my wrong home number and couldn't get ahold of me, had come down with a friend who had a hotel room and "thought nothing of" just staying at the hotel. He said he thought an explanation was in order and did thank me for opening up my home for him.... and that telling me prior had just "slipped his mind".

    What would you think??
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    Apr 14, 2008 12:32 PM GMT
    I would be pissed to say the least. Like you I clean the condo if I have guests coming, make sure there is food they like in the place, etc..

    Two words, f***ing rude. icon_evil.gif
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    Apr 14, 2008 2:02 PM GMT
    I think that's incredibly rude. Whether or not you have to reschedule your weekend, or have to go through a lot of trouble just for a houseguest, for them to not call and cancel is just in poor taste.

    I tend to be a worrier, so I would be sitting there convinvced they've been in an accident somewhere on the highway.
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    Apr 14, 2008 3:04 PM GMT
    I think it was rude, arrogant,and unprofessional. And the lame response afterwards was even worse. It really boggles my mind on how people can be so inconsiderate to others who offer them sincere kindness.
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    Apr 14, 2008 3:05 PM GMT
    I can't understand this sort of thoughtlessness, and I don't think I ever will. The least he could have done was ask someone for your phone number - and absent that, he should have E-mailed you immediately - even if he had to borrow a computer.

    Some people who have never entertained or had friends over have no clue what the rest of the world does to prepare for a guest....i.e. vacume; dust; change sheets; scrub the bathroom; provide fresh towels and soap; plan the menu - shop for food and drink; plan the weekend around the guest; get the cars cleaned; make sure the patio and gardens are ready; and postpone things we would normally have done with friends (considerate, normal friends that is). In short, we kind of knock ourselves out - making a number of considerations for the guest's comfort and enjoyment - it is what is expected of a host. Well, there are things expected of a guest too, and this guest should be dismissed entirely.

    If any younger guys are reading this - please don't ever pull this stunt, but then, I'm betting any guy smart enough to have found R.J. already knows how to be a considerate guest and friend.

    (Sorry to rant here, but I'm one of those guys who tries to be a good host, and I've had a couple of these kinds of guests burn me on occasion - and I wouldn't wish this kind of treatment on anyone.)
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    Apr 14, 2008 3:29 PM GMT
    I would express polite relief to the no-show that he is all right and let him know I was worried.

    HOWEVER....to the director of the Kansas City Warblers, I would let him know what happened and explain that I dearly love to play host, but this kind of behavior would make you have to rethink assuming such a role if it occurs again...your nerves just couldnt take it.