is there a limit to trust?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2008 12:16 AM GMT
    My partner and I have discussions on what we believe trust is in a relationship. He believes pretty much that no matter where you are or what happens you have the choice to cheat or not, its up to that person.

    I believe you shouldnt put yourself in certain types of situations that would be harmful to your relationship. ie. he said in a past relationship his bf brought home a "friend" he met at the gym and the guy openly admitted that he wanted to sleep with both of them.

    My bf said he told the guy it was never gonna happen and they all just became friends. Knowing what the guy had said and how he felt if it was me, I wouldnt have been comfortable having him around. I would have kicked him out and told him not to come me its a harmful situation. My bf said as long as the guy didnt touch him he didnt see a problem, why wait to that point? Obviously the guy didnt respect their relationship to tell them this point blank.

    Am I to anal or what? Should you trust your partner no matter what? I totally understand where my partner is coming from and I think he has a good point but I believe there should be some limits based on respect for the relationship.

    What do you think?
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    Apr 20, 2008 12:44 AM GMT
    I believe that there are limits to trust. We put so much faith and trust in someone b/c we luv them and wish for the best. That's not how everyone thinks and situations where the trust has to be tested over and over isn't something that helps a relationship. Obviously there is a difference b/w being able to trust and just being naive to the situation.

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    Apr 20, 2008 1:46 AM GMT
    The third guy was very open and honest. He isnt the one who would be at fault if something happened with the partner who brought him home. It is trust and fidelity between the two partners that are on trial here. A discomfort with having the third guy around is saying the one partner doesnt trust the other partner.
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    Apr 20, 2008 8:08 AM GMT

    Actions speak louder than words when it comes to trust so I totally agree with you.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 20, 2008 10:06 AM GMT
    Your BF is right...
    If you trust your BF there should be no situation where you need to be afraid that he's going to cheat on you
    That jealousy says more about your insecurities than his lack of commitment
    There's PLENTY of opportunity to cheat out there
    what's next? You gonna stop him from going to the gym?
    Meeting single friends altogether? the sametime you can say with a big fat smile on your face that if you catch him cheating that you'll do a Lorraine Bobitt impression on him
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    Apr 20, 2008 11:01 AM GMT
    Trust is hard to earn but easy to loose. That's just how is is with most people.

    You should want to trust your partner but at the same time you need to be aware of what's going on and if things seem dicey then you should address them as quickly as possible.

    Cheating never just happens. The ability and opportunity to cheat is neverending and constant. It falls on what the person wants and how they choose to obtain it. if a person doesn't want to cheat then they simple won't. Most people don't ever want anything to do with a person who has cheated simple becuase they feel it could happen to them and they have valid reason to think so.

    Trust but varify. That's sound advice one of friends gave me.
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    Apr 20, 2008 11:35 AM GMT
    This issue has largely to do with you. Either your boyfriend is trustworthy or not. If he is trustworthy and you don't accept or believe that, you will drive him away. Then it becomes your issue.
    You should probably talk to your boyfriend and determine what the rules and boundries are and come to a compromise that you can both live with and then stick to it. Many men have different ideas as to what trustworthiness means and what responsibilities it entails. There isn't a right answer, but every one of them thinks that their own perception and perspective is the 'right' one.
    If you can accept this and bend mutually with your partner, you'll have very few problems in this area.
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    Apr 23, 2008 3:11 AM GMT
    I have found myself in a similar situation with my LTR. If you are like me, you will--at some point on the road to maturity--trust your gut. My gut said that regardless, the situation wasn't for me. My guy swears up & down nothing ever happens, and he may well be right. But he loves living his life on the edge. I ultimately decided that the ride was just not for me any more. It was as if I were a passenger in his speeding car. Maybe he really can handle 150 mph on city streets, but I'd rather walk.