Do you know anyone who has committed suicide?

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    Jul 18, 2011 7:03 AM GMT
    trainhard2011 said
    hyperionx saidWhat a grizzly thread. I'm curious why the the OP would start such a discussion?


    I don't know. I have not been doing to good lately. I'm trying to figure things out.
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/944832
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:51 AM GMT
    My cousin who was my neighbor my whole life and one of my best friends, a few years older than me, shot himself four years ago in may and his mom found him in the bathroom. there like ten of us cousins the same age and we miss him so much cause we are all best friends. I had a horrible summer that year I think that played a big part. icon_sad.gif

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    Jul 18, 2011 8:19 AM GMT
    I don't see any reason why NOT to have a thread like this. It's not like it was posted in "HAPPY THOUGHTS" forum. Yes I know that isn't a real forum, and it shouldn't be.

    Anyway, yes I've known someone who killed himself. I felt it was coming eventually, just not so soon. It all happened in a bad way that was a mindfuck for me.

    But I do 100% respect a person's right to live or die as they want. I would fight for his right to do exactly what he did. The only thing I regret is that he didn't feel safe telling me about when it was going to happen so I could have given some love to comfort him on the way out.

    I think it's such a shame that people who are already in such despair have to also shoulder the burden of hiding their plans. If people were allowed to talk freely about wanting to kill themselves, they would get the relief from just venting, and that alone would lower suicide rates. And for those that will kill themselves, if they could let it be known when they are going to do it (without fear of being stopped), they could say their goodbyes, make arrangements, give others closure and share in some of the celebration of their life that is normally part of a funeral.

    Also, since people have to work on their suicide plan clandestinely, they are more likely to do it unsuccessfully and cause themselves pain. Like the above post, it can leave a shocking and traumatic scene for whoever finds the body. Death can be the most painful moment of a person's life, and I wish there was a way to make it easier for all.
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    Jul 18, 2011 12:31 PM GMT
    A few elderly and ailing relatives of mine took their own lives. And, a couple years ago, an acquaintance blew his head off with a shotgun... young guy, good family, good job... mentally, a bit of a mess.
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    Jul 20, 2011 2:31 AM GMT
    My uncle did.

    I never met him.. He killed himself long before I was born.
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    Jul 20, 2011 5:29 AM GMT
    I have had several friends die, 6 of which ended their lives. Oddly, I am quite accepting of death and sad to see people move on but not devastated.

    There are a couple guys I feel badly about because in retrospect I recognised the signs but didn't understand them at the time. Sometimes I pause and think to myself, "Oh Richard, I wish you didn't do that, I'd love to sit down and talk to you all over again. I loved spending my Monday nights hanging out with you.".

    With all of my friends, admittedly I wonder what their lives would be like today.

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    Jul 20, 2011 5:34 AM GMT
    i had an old school mate who did it at a class reunion beach party, i don't know why. i was kinda jealous cause at the time i was going through a really rough spot and all i could think is he had the guts to do what i didn't
  • Syphon

    Posts: 366

    Jul 20, 2011 5:47 AM GMT
    One of my mom's friends did it when I was a little kid, that was probably the first time I ever learned about suicide.

    A number of my friends tried to kill themselves but failed.
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 667

    Jul 21, 2011 7:37 AM GMT
    My older brother died 24 years ago when I was 29. He was 34, was married, and had one son. He had bipolar disorder and had a severe depressive episode. It was a complicated situation involving family dynamics as well. I still think about him often. I remember him carrying me to the car when I was about 7 as we were about to go on vacation and leaving early in the morning. The day he died, I was working out at the YMCA, I was unemployed at the time. All of a sudden, I felt all the energy drain from my body. I told myself I would come back to the gym another day and went home. A few hours later my mother called me and told me Jack was dead. I was beside myself; I called my friends, mostly from recovery groups and they accompanied me when I went to my mother's house to find out what had happened. It took many years of therapy and grieving to heal from a very deep wound. Today my nephew is married and has twin daughters nearly two years old. I visit when their schedule permits--he and his wife are quite busy and seem to be a good team as parents. I have spent some time with him, telling him stories of his father that no one else in my family knew.

    I dated a man in 2000-2001. It was a volatile relationship. He was a medical scientist, quite brilliant, but very angry. The sex was the best I ever had in a relationship and we slept well together, frequently waking in one another's arms. It was the daytime that didn't work well. After we broke up, I saw him briefly only once I think. 8 years later, he hung himself from a tree in a park as best I can tell. I didn't know why. It was in the local papers and TV news that he had gone missing. He had was last seen at Home Depot purchasing rope and a ladder. He was in a relationship at the time. I was very saddened by the news, but it wasn't traumatic for me because of the time that had passed since we were together. I'm well acquainted with suicide.

    Last year I went to a high school reunion, my 35th. I found out that a classmate had killed himself a number of years back. I don't know the details. He was someone I didn't know well, but I saw him in a gay bar about 10 years after we graduated; I was glad to see him. I said hello to him, but he seemed nervous. He excused himself and went to the bathroom and I never saw him again. Yes, I'm well acquainted with suicide. I don't need to say more in that regard.

    I don't know why the poster started the thread, but I know a little bit about why I responded. There are very few people who know about this facet of my life, some are straight men, some are gay men. I have a need for community, to be touched by other's stories of loss and to have others read my stories. This has affected my work. After many years of my own efforts to address these losses, I assist others who are thinking of suicide or have others in their life who have suicided. I am able to tell them that I am familiar with suicide and that I am not afraid of anything they have to tell me. Without telling them anything about my own experience, I believe that many are comforted by this and are able to speak of their experience. My losses are now my assets and are no longer liabilities.

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    Jul 24, 2011 11:05 AM GMT
    I do know a couple of people who've done it.

    First was one of my friends, when we were suprisingly young. We were about 13 at the time...I had just moved out of town and a couple months later, he shot himself with his father's gun. It was weird and pretty shocking, he didn't seem like the type to be so dark.

    I also know a family where half of the people attempted suicide, sometimes successfully. First the older brother shot himself in the head, which totally rocked the family. Then the sister's husband hung himself in the office of his dealership. Later on the mother tried to shoot herself in the heart. She survived, luckily, and got help.

    It's pretty a pretty terrible thing. It can really tear people up inside, and destroys families. Life is pretty tough and really unfair. Needlessly so, sometimes.
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    Jul 24, 2011 11:39 AM GMT
    Yes. My best friend through out HS and college. We had been as close as brothers should be since we were about 10.
    I noticed a change in him our Junior year in college. Senior year, he was just not happy with life.
    He had always been a very brooding type since his early teens.
    He had told me he was contemplating suicide. I listened, his family listened, we talked, got him to go to therapy...blah, blah, blah. He never really seemed depressed EVER. Finally he told me he wanted to go/die I told him if this was what he wanted to do, I would not stand in his way nor intervene, nor tell anyone.
    Surprisingly enough the last year of his life was great! He seemed so happy. We traveled, me and my BF and he and his GF dujour at the time. (Yes he was str8.)
    He came to me one day and said "It's time." I knew exactly what he meant. We said our goodbyes in person. He left letters for his family and our other friends. He didn't tell me where he was going to protect me he said. But I knew. He went to his favorite spot in ME on Cadillac Mtn, took an OD of pills one night under the stars. Apparently he left an audio message on his cell phone. His family never shared it with me. Needless to say, we (his family and I), no longer speak.

    Listen, before everyone starts judging, I believe everyone has the right to end their own life. Simple as that. Would I do it? Maybe, depending on the circumstances.
    Was I happy he did it? No, of course not.
    Was I happy for him? Yes, because this is what he wanted.
    I think of him everyday and miss him. Yet oddly enough I'm happy for him because he was so unhappy with life.
    Tristan
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    Jul 24, 2011 11:41 AM GMT
    I knew of four people who killed themselves .

    all were my seniors/alums

    Two hung themselves.

    One shot himself

    and the other I do not know how she did it.
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    Jul 24, 2011 11:42 AM GMT
    yes. a classmate from school. five years ago. i met with her the day before she died. icon_neutral.gif
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    Jul 24, 2011 11:48 AM GMT
    I know two guys that took their life. Both were acquaintances that I hung out with on a few occasions but not close friends. One, I know for sure, suffered from depression and I figure the other did as well. Both were good looking guys with successful careers and from the outside looking in, looked like they had it all together. So sad that they felt they couldn't go on.

    Last year a very close friend that I have known for nearly 10 years attempted suicide. Thankfully, she didn't succeed. I felt guilty about not making it clearer to her that she could call me if she felt that desperate.
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    Jul 24, 2011 12:07 PM GMT
    my math instructor hung himself in his closet the 2nd week of school, he was having troubles with his x wife taking his kids away
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    Jul 24, 2011 1:20 PM GMT
    A neighbor who lived 2 blocks down the street committed the most spectacular suicide. He was known to the whole neighborhood because he was always taking long walks and would speak with anyone he encountered. He became increasingly eccentric and started picking quarrels with the people who lived on his block.

    One morning this May I was awakened by a loud boom. Flames could be seen shooting from his house which was reduced to ruins in less than an hour. The fire was so intense it spread to two adjoining houses in spite of the efforts of ten fire engines.
    His charred remains were eventually found in the rubble. We found out he had sent a suicide text to his sister fifteen minutes before the explosion.
    The neighbors who lost their houses have little reason to feel sympathy for him. Like some on this board I feel that under certain circumstances suicide might be a sensible choice. What 's hard to fathom is wanting to harm those around you as part of your exit.
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    Jul 25, 2011 5:53 PM GMT
    My cousin shot himself, and a school mate shot himself when he graduated. he was gay and extremely unhappy and , if I remember correctly, got into heroin... thats what I remember.

    A close friend basically was wracked with intesne guilt for not bieng there for him, which rationally wasnt possible but its understandable.

    In my darkest days of depression, I understand WHY you would want to kill yourself. You are in such pain, and want the pain to stop. you want to feel peace.. and suicide becomes a RATIONAL option.

    Thats how screwed up your mind is.

    The only reason I chose not to do it, was because of how much it would destroy my mother.

    I understand that its a selfish act, but I tend to feel drawn towards the pain of the person who WANTS to kill themselves. Its easy to judge unless youve walked down that road.

    But judging from the posts on here- those who have lost a loved one, or a close friend, still feel the pain years later. No one wins from such an action. No one. It destroys everyone and leaves a sense of deep guilt that haunts those left behind.

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    Jul 25, 2011 6:22 PM GMT
    My best friend, almost six years ago.

    I lived in London and he lived in Seattle, but the company he worked for sent him to London for meetings regularly, about once every other month when we first started getting to know each other in 2003. When he started working for another company we would either meet elsewhere in Europe for a holiday together, or he'd meet me in Toronto when I came home to visit friends & family.

    Our last time together was when he flew to the UK to spend some time with me, and with a few other friends we went to Amsterdam for my birthday. His boyfriend flew over at the end of that trip and they went to Paris together. He & this boyfriend, who was ten years younger, spent the ensuing months breaking up and getting back together constantly.

    In early September 2005, I had a phone call from his step-father, as he'd been found dead in his condo the day before. He'd rented a helium tank from a party supply company and committed suicide by asphyxiation.

    I still think of him frequently, and he's often the first person I think of when I have something to celebrate, or when something's going wrong.
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    Aug 04, 2011 6:12 AM GMT
    Yes, I've known several. I myself suffer from pretty serious depression and have spent time in a psych ward. It makes me furious when people suggest that suicidal people are merely "being selfish."

    Probably why The Hours (movie) makes me cry everytime.
  • danielvn

    Posts: 222

    Aug 04, 2011 6:36 AM GMT
    Me. But I failed though. I took like 40 herbal sleeping pills and woke up the next morning completely paralyzed. I stayed like that for a week before I could even move my limbs. Thats why Im still here T_T It was not fun at all, I also ran away from home when I was in 12th grade too. These experiences actually helped me explore myself and realize how stupid I was back then. They've totally changed the way I think and made me who I am today icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 10, 2011 4:41 AM GMT
    Yeah, and it freaked me out, cuz a month later he showed up in a vision before I went to sleep, and wouldnt leave until i told his family what he had to say to me.... the his family told me the story fit with each one of them... and some of them believed, and others thought I was making shit up because I knew the rest of the family and bla bla bla

    i mean seriously? How can some ppl be so ....... to think a person would purposely go and make up stories about dead ppl that have nothing to do with you?????? I didnt make a dime, and it was just days of this vision following me around .. fun? I dont think so!!!!!

    GRRRRR

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    Aug 10, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    Yes, an uncle who was bipolar.
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    Aug 10, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    yeah, a friend my age. And it makes me so mad when I hear people say "hes a coward" or that they have no respect for him for doing that. Its such ignorance and I hate it. Ill def always miss him
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1352

    Aug 10, 2011 4:51 AM GMT
    2 girls at my middle school and one of my friends freshman year of high school. I was confused, angry, hurt, sad, and mad at myself. I had no idea she was depressed and the fact that I was also depressed at the time and thought I could have helped made it worse.
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    Aug 10, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    Freshman year of high school, my friends' friend, whom I met at a church retreat, committed suicide. It was a stressful time for quite a few people. Even worse was that our school allowed people to skip to go to the funeral, but a lot of people just used it as an excuse to cut school.